Game of Thrones: The Laws of Gods and Men. When Peter Dinklage Proved He Deserved Every Award Ever Made.

Let’s get started:

 

So much awesome happens in this episode, but we start out seeing Stannis and Davos meeting with the Iron Bank asking for financial assistance to defeat the Targaryens.  OK so even I found this whole exchange to be mostly boring and Stannis is an emotionless douche which doesn’t help at all.  So. . .

What the Watchlings Don’t Know:

Cersei at this time, or very shortly after this time, has stopped making payments to the Iron Bank.  Not paying the Iron Bank is like not paying Tony Soprano.  It’s not done if you want to stay alive.  So this scene sets up Stannis receiving backing from Braavos and why this would come about.

The other thing you possibly don’t know is that Davos is an honorable and loyal man.  He sees Stannis as someone who not only saved him from death or a life on the wall, but also raised his family to a position of honor.  Because of this he will stick by Stannis no matter how big of a douche he is.

Cut to Asha or whatever they call her on the show (Yara?) trying to save Theon.  We have now exited the book world and have entered a world totally made up by the writers of the show.  Luckily we have shots of gratuitous sex interspersed within this section to distract us from this. I think I’ve mentioned it before, but Iwan Rheon (Ramsey Snow) is a phenomenal actor.  If you haven’t watched BBC’s Misfits you should just to see him in that as well.

Like seriously, daaaaaamn

What this show the Watchlings:

I really think this was just a set up to show how much damage has been done to Theon and how messed up The Bastard is.  Well mission accomplished.

Now we have to have our moment with Dany.  We see Drogon scaring a shepherd boy and burning and killing sheep which looks awesome.  Drogon has grown and is super scary now.  The Dragons are no longer cute little mascots.  We also see her trying to rule and we see that it sucks to have to do all this.  Now we understand why The Hand takes care of so much for the King in Westeros.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

A shepherd also comes to her claiming that Drogon killed his child and Dany is so horrified that this happened that she begins to take steps to cage her dragons. . .which goes as one would expect. The good news is that they are speeding up this story line a lot so maybe it won’t suck as much as it does in the books.

Ahhhh and now we are getting to the good stuff.  We get a little taste of Oberyn’s sharp tongue and get to see how stupid Cersei is. (Seriously. “baby dragons”?  Yeah things grow. . .sooo they are probably not going to always be baby dragons). Also I feel like Varys is pretty openly showing contempt for her (even though she doesn’t notice) and that Tywin also shows that he knows that his daughter is an idiot.  I think I love Oberyn more in the show than I do in the books.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s great in the books too, but Pedro Pascal really brings the character to life.  I find it interesting that Varys seems to dislike Oberyn.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

I’ve mentioned it before, but it bears saying again.  Oberyn is known as a formidable knight.  He’s in King’s Landing with the expressed interest of getting revenge for the murder of his sister and sister’s children.  And when I say murder I mean that his sister’s infant son had his brains bashed in then she was raped by Gregor Clegane while he still had bits of her son’s brain on his hands.  Then her and her daughter was just as brutally murdered as well.  So he’s got an ax to grind and is biding his time.

Finally we see the trial begin.  Jamie fetches Tyrion and is obviously upset that he is escorting his brother to this farce of a trial.  Jamie has followed what is best for his family all his life, but now he can’t do that without hurting someone who not only is family too, but whom he loves just as fiercely. We watch Tommen adorably step down from the trial and then Tyrion becomes the smartass that we know he is.  One by one people give witness to Tyrion’s motivation to kill Joffery and “proof” that Tyrion did it.  Obviously we know that Tyrion didn’t do it (and so does Margaery and her face is great to watch as all this unfolds). Almost everything that is told is the truth, but with a ridiculous spin on it leaving out all the parts that make them look bad. The final nail in the coffin is Shea’s testimony where she states that she knows that Sansa and Tyrion plotted the death of Joffery because she heard them planning.  She also makes it sound as if Tyrion took advantage of her and she wasn’t really just a whore.

Here’s where is gets really good.  Jamie has tried to fix it up so that Tyrion will live no matter what and he tells Tyrion to hold his tongue and ask to be sent to the wall when he is declared guilty.  So of course Tyrion responds to this with the most epic passion filled speech ever known.  Shea has just ripped his heart out so he lets everyone have it. And it is glorious.

He ended this rousing speech by asking for a trial by combat instead of continuing with this joke.  You can see Jamie wanting to throttle Tyrion for doing all this.  All I can say is that Peter Dinklage made it happen.  You can see the anger, the emotion, you want to cry for him, hug him, tell him that he is loved.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

You pretty much got it all here.  Just know that in two weeks (maybe three) Tyrion will make it happen once more and people will be cheering all across the lands.

The previews for next week promise a lot of action and perhaps some Dany/Daario sex. Maybe we’ll get to see if Emilia Clarke really did declare that she would do no more nude scenes.

Major Character Deaths: 0 (but it’s not looking good for Tyrion)

Boob Count: 3 pairs

The GREATEST “A Song of Ice and Fire” Thread Ever.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything about ASoIaF, but have you ever been part of a conversation that just needed to be shared with the world?

WARNING! THERE ARE SOME SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T READ ALL THE BOOKS.

Previously I posted this about some of my theories:

Capture

 

I have since expanded that theory to say that Jon Snow not only was calling out to Ghost, Wun Wun, the boar, but also to his dragon.  Because Viserion is totally his dragon.  And I’m really serious about the kitten thing.  Princess Rhaenys has to be super crazy by now, but how awesome would it be if she figured out how to warg back into a human?  If only she had warged into Cercei before her fall.  Then a Targaryen would have been pretty much ruling Westeros again and that would have been awesome.

My oldest brother finished the 5th book yesterday (he was late to the game, but he’s all important doing smart stuff so I guess I’ll let it slide) and he posted this today which led to the best thread ever.

AsoIaF 1

 

 

OK it starts out pretty tame– I think everyone agrees that he’s Lyann’s and Rhaegar’s son (if you don’t please post who you think is and why.  I would seriously love to know).  Let’s continue:

ASoIaF 2

 

 

I pretty much agree with everything Patrick is saying here except for the Bran riding a dragon part.  I see him living out his life growing into a tree watching through the eyes of crows and weirwoods.  I’m also going to be seriously disappointed if Jon Snow ends up being someone totally normal.  And then there is “There must always be a Stork at Waterfall.” Yes.

ASoIaF 3

 

If Rickon shows back up in the fashion that Daniel suggests that would just be. . .amazingly wonderful.

ASoIaF 4

Patrick hits some good points again although I think Tyrion has a better likelihood of being a Targaryen then Jamie and Cercei.  One think I hadn’t thought about was what if Arya gets one of the dragons? She’s definitely a strong person and is learning all kinds of magic-y stuff.

ASoIaF 5

Soooo many subplots going on– I need to reread once again to remember them all and perhaps imagine even more theories.  I do love this thought of if you could pick a castle/area which one would it be (don’t worry I’m sure Buzzfeed is creating a quiz as we speak.  There already is one if you count this one)

ASoIaF 6

 

Seriously Patrick– we have never met, but agree on so much. Robert so should have been shoved out the moon door with his crazy mother.

ASoIaF7

Don’t worry, there are even more puns to come.

ASoIaF 8

 

Yes, yes I would take Sunspear.

ASoIaF 9

 

I told you the puns just kept coming.  My brothers have a very sharp wit.  Also I should explain: watchlings = people who only watch the series and haven’t read the books.

ASoIaF 9 ASoIaF 10

 

Who do you think Coldhands is?  As soon as I make up my mind something comes along to change it again. Follow up: Do you think Benjen is dead?

ASoIaF 11

 

Any conspiracy theories about the obsidian?

ASoIaF 12

 

There was even more to this thread, but I’m going to stop here.  Do you think Eddard was/could have been a warg too?  Or was this just something the kids had?  I think he probably just didn’t know he could, because not only do all of Ned’s children have this ability, but so does Jon Snow.  If I’m right about Lyanna and Rhaegar and also right about how dragon’s are controlled then that would explain how powerful a warg Jon Snow is.  Jonathan pointed out the obvious hole in my theory: the dragon horn.  If dragons are controlled by wargs then why is there a dragon horn.

My answer?

Option 1.  The horn is just a magical device used for someone who doesn’t have the warging ability, but needs to control a dragon (like dragonfyre when you don’t have a dragon).  This method really sucks for whoever they make blow the horn though.

Option 2. It doesn’t really work. It’s a cursed object that people want to possess and ends up killing them.

I lean towards option 1.

Also there’s always this explanation:

Weigh in if you have a theory you want to share or if you disagree with something that we’ve thrown out.