Game of Thrones: The Red Woman. Is (SPOILER) really dead?

OK So no I’m not wondering if Jon Snow is dead. Cause he is, but that’s not’s what is bothering me right now. (Don’t worry Jon Snow people– I’ll come back to this in a bit).

The Wall

They open up the episode at the wall showing Davos finding Jon Snow dead on the snow and quickly he and some other good guys get him into a room where they can watch over him.

Important things going on right here:

  1. Davos saw an image in the snow when they pulled him away. While watching this Sunday I rewound it twice to see the blood again and it definitely looks like a dragon that my kids drew in the snow.
  2. Ghost is still guarding Jon. I think if Jon was beyond hope Ghost would be out searching for his brothers and sister. Now don’t get me wrong– Jon’s definitely dead right this second but once again I’ll come back to that in a bit.
  3. They all verify that Jon is totes dead.
  4. Melisandre begins to doubt herself. She mentions that she saw Jon fighting at Winterfell in her flames, but he’s right there dead on the table. Davos also asks her to do something and she says that she can’t. Now that right there surprised me. My theory has always been that she would resurrect Jon so her despair worried me for a bit.

GHOST and Jon Snow

Note: in the books Bowen Marsh is the one that initiated all the stabby time with Jon, not Alliser Thorne. But he didn’t like him either.

Ramsey Bolton

Yep. Still psycho. Only he would feed his girlfriend to his hounds. Also why isn’t he out looking for Sansa and Theon? Seems right up his alley. My guess is just because the writers didn’t want to explain why Brienne didn’t slit his throat. Because she would have.

But Sansa is away from him now as is Theon. So that’s awesome.

Sansa

I love Theon for trying to protect her, but she’s still sooooo stupid and annoying. She’s the worst in the books and even though they have changed the plot in the show to give her more action she’s still whiny and only thinks of herself. I’m glad she’s accepted Brienne’s pledge now so at least we’ll get to see Brienne and Pod in her scenes.

Also hopefully she won’t trust Littlefinger any more. But she’s stupid so she probably will.

Why did she not remember the words of the oath? Seems like something romantic and exciting that she would have had memorized.

Cersei and Jaime 

Right now all things are awesome with Jaime and Cersei. He’s once again her fighter and her champion. However in the books he had already abandoned her because he had seen how she was just trying to use him. I really hope that they are headed in that direction. Cersei doesn’t really love Jaime, she loves the idea that someone is there that would do anything for her. I want him to find out every nasty thing she has done and hate her for it.

Because as much as Cersei has used Jaime he has done everything she has ever asked out of love and devotion for her.

Margaery Tyrell

Well, she’s still locked up and in a bad situation. Once again they have deviated from the books in this aspect. In the novels she was released pretty quickly because they tortured her accuser who then admitted to having sex with Cersei, not Margaery, and Margaery was released into Sam’s dad’s custody (yes Jon Snow’s Sam).

I’m curious to see where they are going with this. I’m not sure what to think of her situation right now.

Dorne

Yeah I don’t really know what to say about this crap. Maybe the writers just didn’t like writing about this place? Is it not an overall important plot point?

This is not what was happening in Dorne in the books and Doran was super in control of his country and the Sand Snakes. He also was a huge schemer and although he appeared weak at times it was because he was plotting some pretty big crap. So I’m sad this is messed up, but maybe it’ll get better?

 Tyrion and Varys 

Mandatory Tyrion scene, because this episode is light on comedy and they need to remind us that:

  1. Dany’s kingdom is in trouble without her
  2. Tyrion and Varys are both still awesome
  3. Dany needs to hurry on back home ASAP
  4. Someone shady is watching them

Daenery

We are reminded that Jorah is super sick and has a limited time span to help his queen, and he’s on her trail.

She’s not in the best situation either. After letting her captors know who she is they now want to take her to their Khaleesi retirement community that she’s already seen isn’t an awesome place to be.

This is interesting in that we have now moved past the books in her story. So what I see from here on out will be completely new.

I know one thing for sure. She needs to figure out  how to warg into her dragon so she can get back home and take control of her life again. Until she can control Drogon she will not be in control of anything.

Arya

This is another reminder scene. Yes Arya is still alive. Yes she’s still blind. Don’t worry things are about to get super interesting for Arya real quick.

Melisandre

OK we are finally  to the person that I think might have died this episode. We had made it almost this whole episode without seeing any boobs so you know that had to change! So tada!  Here’s the red witch getting ready for bed showing her boobs. Then she takes off her necklace.

Well in the books it explained a lot more that Melisandre had the power to change appearances of people with her magic and it worked as long as they wore a stone. So this does make sense even tough it seems to have come out of no where in this episode because it hasn’t been addressed much before now. So she looks really old and climbs in bed all old and crusty.

So my questions are:

Will she die then? And has she realized how much she’s messed everything up?

Jon Snow

At last!  I told you I would come back to this and here I am. We have a few interesting things happen to Jon this episode with promises of things to come. What am I talking about? Well we had the aforementioned blood dragon in the snow that seems an awful lot like foreshadowing and we have a witch that doesn’t think she can do anything to  save him. I also mentioned that Ghost was seriously protective of Jon’s body.

PrincessBride

So here’s my thought:

I do think that Jon is 100% dead because he needs to die to be released from his oaths to the Night’s Watch. I also had thought that he would be brought back by the red witch, but now that she’s seemingly given up my thought is that he needs to be brought back by the same kind of magic that was used to hatch Dany’s dragons. So when they burn his body– which they will do because–the North–zombies– etc. will he rise from the ashes? It would reinforce even more his Targaryen blood and be a more pure form of magic.

I just really hope we don’t have to wait all season to find out how Jon Snow is returning. Because he is returning. Anyone telling you different is selling something.

 

Game of Thrones: A Dance With Dragons, More Theories Confirmed!

Stannis

Melisandre is caught unawares by Ramsey’s attack team that sets fire to much of the camp and ruins all of their food and much of their shelter. OK I’m gonna let you finish, but seriously I find it hard to believe that Melisandre wouldn’t have seen a direct attack on Stannis much less one that used fire. I feel like she could have controlled the fire in some way as well, but since in the books she’s was busy being a weirdo creeper to Jon Snow on the Wall this is all new territory. Stannis does have many set backs in the books, but no direct conflict with the Boltons at this time. Oh and there’s something else that he doesn’t do. . .

Oh right!   He doesn’t burn his daughter alive! He does burn some people that ate a fellow solider (who had died of exposure first) as an example of what he will do to others that have the same idea. Also to sacrifice to the Red God R’hllor to help speed them to Winterfell. If there is anything I hate more right now it’s this character change. Stannis isn’t an amazing dude, but he’s not a guy that killed his daughter and I don’t see how anyone could want him to be King now even if (OK here’s a spoiler so skip ahead if you don’t want to know) the Iron Bank steps in to bankroll him like the do in the books (they don’t like Cersei defaulting on the loans so much).

Oh and the Queen feeling bad at the end? Um no– not that Shireen gets burned in the books, but the Queen would have been totally fine with it.

I wonder what Davos will think of this when he makes it back?

Jon Snow

Jon Snow doesn’t have a big role this week, but it looks like they are setting him up to have a very pointed role next week. We see a tense moment though when it doesn’t look like his men are going to open the gates to the rescued Wildlings. Even though they do finally open the gates for Jon and Co. it’s obvious that no one (besides Sam) is happy with what Jon has done. Wun Wun (the giant) walking past the brothers doesn’t do anything to make this better. We end our stay at Castle Black with these ominous words:

Will it really get all of them killed?

Meanwhile in Dorne

Jaime expects to be killed, but of course Prince Doran can’t kill off the Kingslayer. Oberyn’s widow is openly hostile to everyone and it’s a nice happy tea time. They finally agree to release Myrcella as long as her betrothed goes with her and he gets a spot on the small council and Bronn gets punched. Oh and there is an odd scene with the Sand Snakes again. I’m loving Prince Doran, but really everyone else and everything else in Dorne is weird to me.

This sentiment is pretty on the money compared to the books. Prince Doran wants to avoid useless war.

Arya

We see Cat of the Canals (or whatever the young kids are calling her these days) about to kill off the person she’s been designated to kill, but she gets distracted when she sees Ser Meryn Trant hop off a boat with the envoy from Westeros. Meryn if you remember (which I don’t blame you if you don’t) is the one who killed her fencing teacher (at least that’s assumed since Meryn is still alive) and allowed her to escape. He’s also been on her night hit prayer list since she ran off on her own. I believe what we are seeing is a set up for what happens in a released chapter of Winds of Winter (the book that GRRM still hasn’t finished). (SPOILER WARNING AGAIN) In that chapter Arya is playing an actor (who is playing Sansa in a play about Westeros) and while she’s an actor she runs into Ser Meryn and gets him to go somewhere private so they can have sex. Which isn’t quite what happens.

Arya has wasted her day following the people from Westeros though and hasn’t killed her man. She makes her way back to the House of Black and White and lies about why she didn’t complete her task. It’s unsure whether or not she’s believed, but I’m gonna say not. As much as I hate Stannis’ story changes I am completely cool with Arya’s. They seem to just be moving things along for her and not so much changing things.

Oh also remember that the envoy from Westeros is there to tell the Iron Bank they aren’t so much going to pay their debts. It’s going to go great for them.

Meereen

We see Dany about to witness the Roman Gladiators fighting. They even say ” We who are about to die salute you” or something insanely close to that. Tyrion is just as offended by all of this as Dany is. The best part about the fights themselves is Daario flirting with Dany right in front of her fiance. She obviously still prefers him to anyone at this point.

So a bunch of people die, Jorah shows up and kills a bunch of people too and then suddenly throws a spear towards his Queen! Whaaaat? Oh, just to kill the assassin that was standing behind her. Chaos erupts and people are killed right and left. I’m not sure why Sons of the Harpy would kill the commoners, but they kill everyone the can and work through the Unsullied like they are not the formidable fighting men they were trained to be (seriously is their armor made of paper mache?)

It’s not until they begin to try to run away and are cornered that the thing happens that I’ve been waiting on since the fighting began.

Drogon shows up.

In the books Drogon also comes when Dany attends her first fight and when people start attacking him she runs out and (gets all her clothes burned off of her– because GRRM is a creep) jumps on the dragon and flies off with him.  She wasn’t in immediate danger like here, but someone does try to poison her (but it doesn’t work). She then spends a while out in the desert abandoned by her dragon and then on her period. Yeah.

Drogon coming is amazing both on screen and in the book and I love that they confirmed (at least in my mind) that Dany called Drogon to come get her. In the books she was uncomfortable and wanted to be out of that situation so I still think she called out to Drogon in her mind (like the Starks do with their wolves) and he came to save her.

Her face here kinda confirms that for me:

Hey Drogon, you up?

In the show she seems to have much more control over Drogon in this scene and climbs aboard just like the books and flies away– but leaves her friends abandoned behind in the pits.

Sucks to be you!

No matter what Drogon rocked it. Next week is the season finale so I’m sure it will be jam packed full of back stabbing feels!

Game of Thrones: The Gift. Life after Sansa’s Wedding Night.

Everyone was in an uproar after last week’s episode that showed Sansa’s wedding night so thankfully no one else gets married this week, but we do get to hear Dany plan her own up coming nuptials.  That should be a fun time too right?

So this season we’ve had a lot of misdirection with the episode names (Kill the Boy, Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken, etc) and this one has a few meanings as well. On one hand we have Jorah taking his gift to his queen, we have Dany giving the gift of the fighting pits to her people, and lastly in the books Jon offered “The Gift” or an area of land between the wall and Winterfell to the Wildlings who wanted to come over and down. They would have to answer to Winterfell and the Seven Kingdoms, but they wouldn’t have to worry about White Walkers. So although all the Watchlings out there probably assume this title is talking about Jorah giving over Tyrion, it’s totally derived from that 5 minutes you see Jon and try to remember what he’s doing right now.

The Wall

Speaking of Jon we see him saying his goodbyes so he can go off and try to talk the rest of the Wildlings into either settling in the Gift or populating the abandoned castles along the wall to try to fight against the White Walkers. The Wildlings aren’t all crazy about this idea and neither are the men of the Night’s Watch. It’s very important you remember that they are super unimpressed by that and think Jon a traitor for what he’s doing. It plays a big role in things to come.

We also see Maester Aemon playing with Gilly’s baby and confusingly talking about his baby brother Egg (who later became King). You can tell Sam in worried about Aemon and it looks to be his last days. This is yet another departure from the books. In the books Jon send Maester Aemon and Sam off to the Citadel with their stories of White Walkers (and for Sam to become a maester to replace Aemon) and switches Gilly’s baby with Mance Rayder’s kid. Gilly takes this other baby off to safety with Sam and Aemon and Sam plans on telling his parents that her baby is his bastard. Gilly is heartbroken to leave her child, but eventually bonds with the other baby and the eventually bonds with Sam numerous times as well. Aemon does die in the books, but he does so on the journey while in Braavos (where Arya kills one of the men from the Night’s Watch for abandoning Sam). Sam thinks he died because the Wall and the cold were keeping him alive.

“He was the blood of the dragon, but now his fire has gone out. And now his watch is ended.”

So instead of taking an epic journey Aemon just dies (in the books he is super upset that he died before reaching Dany. He heard about her during the journey and he wants to tell her things about her family– I think he wants to tell her how to control her dragons). Sam and Gilly just have sex (in the most realistic sex scene yet in the series) and Ghost for some reason isn’t with Jon (but he saves Sam’s life which is awesome).

Sansa

Sansa had a rough week to say the least. Last week we saw her wedding night raping and evidently the fun hasn’t stopped for her. She’s being kept a prisoner with no contact with anyone besides Theon. In an act of desperation she gets Theon’s help signalling that old woman that offered her help before. The thing she doesn’t know is that Theon is 100% scared of Ramsey and instead of going and lighting a candle like Sansa asked he went straight to the Bastard and told on her. Which didn’t go quite so well for the old lady.

Sansa and Ramsey walk around the castle discussing their future– or really just discussing Ramsey’s future as the Lord of Winterfell. I have to admire Sansa’s guts at pointing out the obvious, but she’s crazy. You don’t call Ramsey Snow Bolton a bastard to his face. She’s given him something to think about though even if she’ll definitely pay for it later. (She did manage to grab a weapon for later on this walk about– but will she be able to use it?)

Ramsey: Call me Bastard one more time!

Seriously though– I’m pretty sure she just guaranteed a pregnant woman’s death. Do you think the Frey’s will be cool with it when it’s one of their own?

Sansa: Yeah, about him. . .I didn’t like him either.

After viewing Ramsey’s work on the old lady help I think Sansa is finally realizing what kind of person she married. As much as I cannot stand Sansa in the books and wish that she’d been killed off in place of any of the other Starks, I have to say she’s much more in control of herself on the show than in the books. In the books she’s just concerned with what is happening to her and where her next lemoncake is coming from. Of course she’s also not married to Ramsey so she has that going for her.

Stannis

Stannis is stuck in the snow trying to march on Winterfell and losing people by the day. Either deserting or dying from lack of heat and food. He’s losing before he’s even started and he can’t go back to the Wall because he will just be stuck there. Defeated. Melisandre states that she knows how to take Winterfell and that all they need to do is sacrifice someone with King’s blood. Which just happens to be his daughter who she wants to burn alive. Yeah totes sounds like good idea. I love Stannis for not only rejecting this idea but sending the Red Woman away after she suggests it. It truly is a despicable plan (and not at all in the books).

In the books she’s wanting to burn Mance’s baby which is why Jon sends the baby away from the wall. Melisandre really is a horrible person, but she might play a role in helping Jon with all those people that think he’s a traitor now so I don’t wish her dead. Yet.

Jorah

Jorah and Tyrion manage to get sold together (after some quick action on Tyrion’s part) and are headed to the fighting pit of Mereen (you know the pits that Dany just opened back up under the condition that no slaves would be used. . .yeah about that).

In the books Tyrion actually saves Jorah here. Jorah is in a somewhat in a catatonic state at this point and Tyrion is being sold with another dwarf  Penny. (Be super glad they cut the whole Penny and her dog and pig show out of the series). He says that Jorah plays the bear in the act and all good acts must have a bear. They also don’t get sold into the fighting pits, but Tyrion ends up there later on and gets saved at the last minute by Dany (it’s more complicated then that, but pretty much that’s what happens).

We see Dany getting some lovin’ time with her man Daario who she claims she cannot marry because she has to marry the Master from Mereen for political purposes. Let me say though that Daario has the right idea about killing all the masters and showing people what’s up. If she did marry Daario they would make a pretty BA team. She has become too careful (and gotten a rather odd wig too).

Now we have come to a meeting between Jorah and his queen. In a scene copied from Gladiator they are all fighting in front of the queen and Jorah realizes it and runs out to fight too. I’m pretty sure Russell Crowe was in the group of fighters, but Jorah manages to kill them all. Dany is shocked and appalled by this sight and obviously is having second doubts about opening the fighting pits again (as she should). Jorah reveals himself to her at the end and before she can have him removed he tells her he has a gift for her. On cue Tyrion runs out and announces he is the gift. When asked he proclaims himself Tyrion Lannister. Oh you know just the son  of the man that ordered the slaughter of your family. She seems to take it like you’d expect.

Queen of Thorns

The Queen of Thorns and the High Sparrow have words together. He seems to genuinely like her and spars verbally with her for a while. She can’t figure him out though and doesn’t exactly win this exchange. This of course frustrates her and she is obviously trying to figure out a way to bring down the High Sparrow.

She meets with Petyr who tempts her with a deal to take down the Lannisters. He’s playing all sides to make sure that he has an agreement with the winning party. . .no matter who that is.

Cersei

Well, well, well. She’s still oblivious as to what is going on with the church and thinks everything is going her way. After Tommen threatens to go talk to the High Sparrow to get his wife freed Cersei steps in tells Tommen that she’ll go on his behalf to try to get her freedom.

She does visit the High Sparrow and Margeary as well. She’s super smug about what’s going on with Margeary and obviously thinks that everything is going her way. Well that is until she starts talking to the High Sparrow. He tells her about how Lancel came to them broken and slowly unburdened himself to the church. He told them about the horrible things that he did with Cersei and that gives them grounds to arrest her as well. Yeah she tries the same reasoning that Margeary did and it gets her just as far.

In the books Cersei’s plan to get rid of Tommen’s bride is much more complicated and it looks like she has framed Margeary successfully until the men she had swear that they had sex with Margeary were tortured until they admitted they were lying. I do hope they keep the punishment the same in the show as in the books though. Let’s just say that it’s very very satisfying. Plus boobs.

Dorne

Back in Dorne Myrcella doesn’t want to leave because she loves her betrothed and wants to marry him. Jamie doesn’t quite know how to handle her. Bronn mocks and taunts the Sand Snakes in their cell which is amusing until one of them feels the need to make sure we see some breasts this episode. It’s totally unnecessary and ridiculous. All of you people that were up in arms last week about Sansa should be kicking up a fuss about the show’s use of naked women to keep viewer’s interest. I don’t need to see someone naked every five minutes to keep my attention. Bronn of course was poisoned by his cut and after boobs were seen he receives the antidote. Because boobs. I don’t know this whole scene is confusing. But there are boobs so I guess we’re not supposed to question it.

On the bright side– no rapes this week!  Plus Cersei is getting a taste of her own medicine so it’s almost a cheerful episode even if we did lose a main character.

Game of Thrones: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken. Another Wedding!

Weddings are such fun times in Westeros and Sansa’s wedding is included in that. First we will cover all the other plot movements though and then come back to Sansa.

Arya

Arya is still working on becoming A Faceless Man even though she still doesn’t quite know what that means. She’s cleaning dead bodies though and trying to figure out what they do with the bodies after. She’s also still learning how to lie. This lying game takes up a few chapters of the books and she has trouble with it. I think because she is so proud of who she is and what she’s done that she has issues denying that fact. She also gets a little child abuse going on, but that’s nothing compared to what she’s been through.

The thing they are leaving out though is that in the books her eyesight was taken from her briefly while she learned this lesson and she didn’t gain her eyesight back until she figured out who was hitting her. Which she found out by warging into a cat and looking through it’s eyes. I feel like her connection to her wolf and this ability aren’t being shown enough in the show and I feel like that’s an important character point. Arya is strong and part of her strength comes from her nightly hunts with her wolf. Nymeria rules the Riverlands and in part so does Arya.

Arya finally passes the test though, with a Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade type moment, and is taken to where they take the bodies. She gets to see a super creepy room with a ton of dead people’s faces and is told that she will get to be someone else. This part sounds nasty in the books and I assume it will be nasty in the show too.

Tyrion and Jorah

They are having a nice little hike across the world. Jorah is trying to hide his greyscale (which will surely kill him– and in the books it’s recommended that that part of your body is cut off– of course in the books he doesn’t get it, but Lord Connington does). Tyrion is doing an amazing job of getting on Jorah’s last nerve and manages to criticize Dany in a very logical fashion.

But my favorite part was when he accidentally told Mormont that his dad was not only dead, but had been murdered horrifically.

BTW your Dad is totes dead– it’s super sad. I’m glad you got to hear it from me.

Tyrion did manage to save his life and Jorah’s though and direct them in the way they were trying to go– the only down side? Now they are slaves. Yeah. . .

Petyr 

After obviously teleporting to King’s Landing he runs into Lancel on his way in and finds out some of the new lay of the land. Petyr then goes and plays Cersei to get exactly what he had wanted all along. If he gets his way he’s now set up to have Sansa and Winterfell. I can not stand Petyr, but I respect his cunning both in the books and on the show. He expertly works the people around him in such a way that they think they are using him.

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Everyone in Dorne

OK so everyone is mad still in Dorne that Oberyn is dead and Jaime is still trying to rescue Myrcella and the Sand Snakes are trying to kill her. So of course they all end up in the same place at the same time. This is very mixed up from the books, but so far I’m OK with it. That is as long as the Sand Snakes are imprisoned right now as well as Jaime and Co. I thought it showed great diplomacy and control that they were locked away until they were begging to do as the Prince of Dorne wished. There were a lot of good one liners in this sequence, but other than that I’m tired of this plot line as it sits.

Hey Dad. . . I mean Uncle Jaime.

Random side note: The Dornish people are what I imagined the Calormen looked like and dressed like in the Narnia Series. I keep expecting them to worship Tash. Or try to marry Queen Susan. Who kinda looks like Myrcella now that I mention it. . . .

The Highgarden Group

Margaery’s grandmother has swooped in to rescue Loras and it doesn’t go as expected. She has a nice exchange with Cersei in which she issues more insults than she receives and threatens to remove her assistance to the crown if Loras isn’t released. Cersei doesn’t take this seriously or deal with it well. She still thinks she’s in control of this situation.

Totally what she was writing.

Now that Grandma is in it’s time for Loras’ trial which doesn’t end well for the Queen or for Loras. Both of them swear under oath that Loras totes loves the ladies and then Loras’ latest boyfriend shows up and says that not only has he had sex with Loras, but Margaery walked in on them once.

His response to the accusations about him and Renly.

They are all then arrested and taken away. Margaery shouting for Tommen’s help the whole time and Tommen looking like a scared little boy while Cersei looks like a cat that just caught a mouse. I still can’t believe that Cersei doesn’t see this as troubling for Tommen’s authority.

tommen

Sansa

Now we’re finally to the bride to be. She gets a nice hot bath by psycho girlfriend and then escorted to the wedding by Theon. I have to say I lost a little respect for Sansa when she didn’t offer Theon any help whatsoever. No matter what he did (or she thinks he did) he hasn’t deserved any of the stuff Ramsey has done to him.

Sansa now walks into this marriage with her eyes wide open as to what she is marrying. This is a departure from the books in that Ramsey married a fake Arya in the books and many people know that she isn’t really Arya. Ramsey does really horrible things to her and makes Theon help. So was I surprised that in the show Theon was made to watch? No not really. But I hate that Sansa after all of her character development allowed Ramsey to abuse her like that. The real Arya would have opened his guts for him and then killed Roose as well. There is a theory that Sansa will always be less than because of her lack of a wolf. It is thought that with the death of Lady that Sansa lost her compass and that’s why she’s so much weaker than everyone else.

I did love show Sansa for this:

It gives me hope that Sansa has finally realized that Tyrion wasn’t that bad and if it hadn’t been for Joffery it might have been a happy marriage. Yes he’s a dwarf and by that time he was not awesome looking, but he was better than any other option she’s been given yet.

Ramsey is by far the worst. If ever I wished that she was back in the Vale pretending to be Alayne Stone it’s now. Because no one deserves this.

So am I upset that Ramsey raped his wife? No. Am I upset that  Sansa is his wife? Yes.

Game of Thrones: The Laws of Gods and Men. When Peter Dinklage Proved He Deserved Every Award Ever Made.

Let’s get started:

 

So much awesome happens in this episode, but we start out seeing Stannis and Davos meeting with the Iron Bank asking for financial assistance to defeat the Targaryens.  OK so even I found this whole exchange to be mostly boring and Stannis is an emotionless douche which doesn’t help at all.  So. . .

What the Watchlings Don’t Know:

Cersei at this time, or very shortly after this time, has stopped making payments to the Iron Bank.  Not paying the Iron Bank is like not paying Tony Soprano.  It’s not done if you want to stay alive.  So this scene sets up Stannis receiving backing from Braavos and why this would come about.

The other thing you possibly don’t know is that Davos is an honorable and loyal man.  He sees Stannis as someone who not only saved him from death or a life on the wall, but also raised his family to a position of honor.  Because of this he will stick by Stannis no matter how big of a douche he is.

Cut to Asha or whatever they call her on the show (Yara?) trying to save Theon.  We have now exited the book world and have entered a world totally made up by the writers of the show.  Luckily we have shots of gratuitous sex interspersed within this section to distract us from this. I think I’ve mentioned it before, but Iwan Rheon (Ramsey Snow) is a phenomenal actor.  If you haven’t watched BBC’s Misfits you should just to see him in that as well.

Like seriously, daaaaaamn

What this show the Watchlings:

I really think this was just a set up to show how much damage has been done to Theon and how messed up The Bastard is.  Well mission accomplished.

Now we have to have our moment with Dany.  We see Drogon scaring a shepherd boy and burning and killing sheep which looks awesome.  Drogon has grown and is super scary now.  The Dragons are no longer cute little mascots.  We also see her trying to rule and we see that it sucks to have to do all this.  Now we understand why The Hand takes care of so much for the King in Westeros.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

A shepherd also comes to her claiming that Drogon killed his child and Dany is so horrified that this happened that she begins to take steps to cage her dragons. . .which goes as one would expect. The good news is that they are speeding up this story line a lot so maybe it won’t suck as much as it does in the books.

Ahhhh and now we are getting to the good stuff.  We get a little taste of Oberyn’s sharp tongue and get to see how stupid Cersei is. (Seriously. “baby dragons”?  Yeah things grow. . .sooo they are probably not going to always be baby dragons). Also I feel like Varys is pretty openly showing contempt for her (even though she doesn’t notice) and that Tywin also shows that he knows that his daughter is an idiot.  I think I love Oberyn more in the show than I do in the books.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s great in the books too, but Pedro Pascal really brings the character to life.  I find it interesting that Varys seems to dislike Oberyn.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

I’ve mentioned it before, but it bears saying again.  Oberyn is known as a formidable knight.  He’s in King’s Landing with the expressed interest of getting revenge for the murder of his sister and sister’s children.  And when I say murder I mean that his sister’s infant son had his brains bashed in then she was raped by Gregor Clegane while he still had bits of her son’s brain on his hands.  Then her and her daughter was just as brutally murdered as well.  So he’s got an ax to grind and is biding his time.

Finally we see the trial begin.  Jamie fetches Tyrion and is obviously upset that he is escorting his brother to this farce of a trial.  Jamie has followed what is best for his family all his life, but now he can’t do that without hurting someone who not only is family too, but whom he loves just as fiercely. We watch Tommen adorably step down from the trial and then Tyrion becomes the smartass that we know he is.  One by one people give witness to Tyrion’s motivation to kill Joffery and “proof” that Tyrion did it.  Obviously we know that Tyrion didn’t do it (and so does Margaery and her face is great to watch as all this unfolds). Almost everything that is told is the truth, but with a ridiculous spin on it leaving out all the parts that make them look bad. The final nail in the coffin is Shea’s testimony where she states that she knows that Sansa and Tyrion plotted the death of Joffery because she heard them planning.  She also makes it sound as if Tyrion took advantage of her and she wasn’t really just a whore.

Here’s where is gets really good.  Jamie has tried to fix it up so that Tyrion will live no matter what and he tells Tyrion to hold his tongue and ask to be sent to the wall when he is declared guilty.  So of course Tyrion responds to this with the most epic passion filled speech ever known.  Shea has just ripped his heart out so he lets everyone have it. And it is glorious.

He ended this rousing speech by asking for a trial by combat instead of continuing with this joke.  You can see Jamie wanting to throttle Tyrion for doing all this.  All I can say is that Peter Dinklage made it happen.  You can see the anger, the emotion, you want to cry for him, hug him, tell him that he is loved.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

You pretty much got it all here.  Just know that in two weeks (maybe three) Tyrion will make it happen once more and people will be cheering all across the lands.

The previews for next week promise a lot of action and perhaps some Dany/Daario sex. Maybe we’ll get to see if Emilia Clarke really did declare that she would do no more nude scenes.

Major Character Deaths: 0 (but it’s not looking good for Tyrion)

Boob Count: 3 pairs