Game of Thrones: The Children. A Shot Though the Heart. . .or wherever whores go. . .

Tyrionfathers

Finales are almost always full of surprises and shocking twists and reveals. This episode was no different and of course they left out/made changes so that all of us readers would be angry surprised.

We see Jon walking out to treat with Mance Rayder.  He does it bravely and walks right up to certain death.  Well at least in the books it was certain death, here it looks like they have a tea party (pinkies out Jon Snow!). Mance asks for passage through the Wall for his people to ensure their safety against what is rising (aka the Whitewalkers). During their meeting Mance gives Jon food and drink therefore he’s been offered guest right and it would be a huge deal if he was killed or killed Mance. There have been people who have ignored that sacred agreement in the past and it has resulted in horrific results (The Red Wedding and Craster’s Keep).

During this exchange suddenly Stannis shows up and I have to say this was beautifully shot.  The army sweeping in was impressive. Mance realizes he is surrounded and tells his people to stand down (although how they are supposed to have heard him all over camp I’m unsure). Things that are important here are the facts that Mance refuses to kneel when surrendering and that Jon, although acknowledges that Stannis is the Kings, doesn’t take any crap from him.  Jon is a man of the Night’s Watch and the Night’s Watch is an entity unto it’s own.  They are not suppose to involve themselves in issues not concerning the Wall.

What the Watchlings don’t know

I touched on it last week, but once again, Jon was forced to go out and meet with Mance by people at the Wall that wished him dead.  He was expected to be killed by the Wildlings because of his betrayal of them.  This probably would have occurred as well if Stannis hadn’t shown up like he did. Mance does just want his people to cross.  He has seen just a bit of the horrors that are coming and wants to bring his people to safety past the Wall.  Jon will later come up with a very interesting solution to this problem.

stannis

Now back to The Mountain and Cersei.  I told you last week to not give up on the Viper yet.  The weapon that Oberyn used while fighting Gregor was poisoned with Manticore  venom which is deadly with no known cure. So not only is The Mountain dying– he’s dying an horrific death. Pycelle recommends the milk of the poppy to ease him into an easy death, but Qyburn says that he may know a way to help him.  Against Pycelle’s objections Cersei gives Qyburn permission to work on Gregor.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Qyburn isn’t a Maester.  He was kicked out of the Citadel for experiments he did on the dead and dying and doesn’t have a Maester’s chain.  Cersei however begins using him as her Maester and allows him to experiment on Gregor and other prisoners in the black cells.  Also the Mountain is in great pain from the Manticore venom and in the books his screams can be heard all over the castle.  He was finally moved down to the black cells to muffle the sound. The venom was eating slowly through his skin and nothing they did helped.  Qyburn later brings up a huge skull and claims the Mountain to be dead.  That skull was sent to Dorne as proof of his death, but later Qyburn will trot out a huge man that doesn’t speak, eat, drink or pee named Ser Robert Strong.  Ser Robert also never removes his armor and his face is never seen. If he even has a face.

Everything went Cersei’s way with Pycelle and Qyburn so I guess she figured it was a good time to confront her dad.  Cut to Cersei and Tywin arguing over if she is getting married or not. My thing is that he was trying to marry her to a gay man (here– not so much in the books) so that’s probably her best option.  Loras probably wouldn’t have had an issue with her and Jaime doing it all the time.  One less thing for him to do.

However it was glorious to watch her tell Tywin about her and Jaime. Cersei almost looks like a good mother with her speech about how much she loves Tommen and what she will do to save him from Tywin. She pushes her’s and Jaime’s relationship into his face and then scampers off to have sex with Jaime again. Of course Jaime doesn’t see this for what it is.  Cersei verifying that Jaime is on her side again.  She offers up herself to seal the deal.  She hopes that someone walks in (namely their father) and catches them in the act.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Cersei is the most manipulative person ever.  Oh wait. . .you got that one.  OK then, Jaime is about to be fed up with Cersei and things are about to become interesting for her.  Let’s just say next season laying on a table having sex with Jaime will not be the position that she’s in.

Now we move on to Dany trying to rule Meereen. I’ve said it before and I”ll say it again I hate her story line from now until the end of the 5th book. She’s torn between freeing the slaves and allowing the slaves that want to go back to their masters go back. As it has always been with slavery there are a very few people that are treated well while being captives. They are one of the family and want to go back to that position.  Now that being said the Masters will try to take advantage of this and this is just the start of the bad news for Dany.  Next we see a man crying and delivering his 3 year old little girl’s bones claiming that Drogon flew from the sky and killed her.  Ummmm yeah Dany. . .I got some news for you: you have dragons. . .they are kind of dangerous. I thought you knew that about them.

Her amazing answer to this to lock up the two dragons that she still has some control over.  Cause yeah if you have a vicious animal it helps them if you lock them up on a short chain away from any contact with humans. Also the dragons were the only thing the people of Meereen were afraid of so now the Masters will have even more power to manipulate her. Good job Dany.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Dany is so concerned with the safety of her people that she forgets how to be strong. She forgets that she is a dragon. I’m also going to step into theory land here for a bit. I think the way that dragons are controlled are the same way that the direwolves are controlled. As in they each need a warg to communicate with. Dany doesn’t realize this and doesn’t know how to make this connection with her dragons. I’ve stated it in other places too, but if you don’t want a big spoiler– skip the next sentence: Dany will finally figure out how to warg/communicate with Drogon, Jon Snow will make a connection with Viserion and then the other true Targaryen will get Rhaegal (Tyrion, Aegon, someone yet unknown?).

dragons

Next we get to see the Night’s watch burn their dead.  OK a touching scene for the most part, but they would have stripped the dead. Yes is normal times maybe a dead man would have been buried in his armor or boiled leather, but during war?  Even an officer would be stripped down to his bare skin as to not waste good clothing or armor. OK end rant.

Otherwise this is a touching scene showing the price of war.  Also an important thing is that The Red Woman and Jon look at each other through the fire. The continuation of this scene is just as interesting.  Tormund and Jon talk about how the dead Wildlings should be handled and Tormund tells Jon that Ygritte really loved him.  That he knew because she wanted to kill him. They then have a cryptic exchange about how she belongs to the true North.  Which Jon takes to mean that she needs to be burned next to a heart tree so that she is given back to the old gods.  You can tell that Jon is shaken.

What the Watchlings don’t know

The Red Woman is going to become very interested in Jon Snow in the next bit. In some ways this is good and in some ways this is bad.  Also remember that she’s still dying to burn a king alive to wake the stone dragon and they have Mance Rayder (aka The King Beyond the Wall) in custody now. If you wonder why she’s interested in Jon just Google R+L=J. I haven’t written my theories on all this yet, but there is plenty on the Internet to occupy you for the next few hours/days about that.

Recently Updated6

Jojen, Meera, Hodor, Summer and Bran are trudging along to get to the Three Eyed Crow (or Raven as they call it) and when all seems lost they finally see the Weirwood tree they have been searching for. Seems to easy right? Right. Suddenly “Pirates of the Caribbean”  style a bunch of skeletons pop out of the ice and start attacking them. Bran of course takes over Hodor and begins getting things done. Jojen is yelling for Bran to save himself and then gets stabbed in the stomach numerous times. The Children of the Forest appear and save Bran with fire and Meera slits Jojen’s throat as a mercy killing.  Safe in the tree protected by its magic Bran finds the Three Eyed Crow only to find out that he will still never walk again. (Duh). So he’s reached his goal, he found out that the TEC is some old man with a weirwood growing into him, and Jojen is dead. Yay!  Happy ending!  Hmmm not so much.

What the Watchlings don’t know

So they should have had this guide from from moment they passed over the Wall. The guide’s name is Coldhands and he appears to be a wight, but can talk and seems to be working to help them. He saves them from the attack that is shown in this episode by calling the ravens that he controls to attack the wights. Also he’s probably a dead Stark. And he’s cool.

So in the books Jojen isn’t dead yet.  Now there’s a theory that he is dead, but Bran doesn’t know it yet, but he definitely isn’t dead at this moment in the story.  With George RR Martin supervising I guess that it’ll all work out, but I don’t really see the upside to killing Jojen off early.  Unless maybe his Phineas and Ferb schedule was too demanding.

Ahhh Brienne and Pod.  Our comic relief! Yay for happy times. Right? Oh yeah– we’re watching Game of Thrones.  But wait!  Now she sees Arya.  She’s found a Stark girl!  She’s going to fulfill her vows. All is right. Brienne tells Arya about her sword and Arya tells her about her sword.  They talk about how fighting is fun and they are independent women and such.  Then The Hound shows up and ruins it all. Brienne tells Arya of her vow and The Hound jumps to the wrong conclusion of why they are there. (Best line of the night: Brienne: I’ll take you to safety. The Hound: Safety? Where the f*&k is that?!) Insert fabulous fight scene where Brienne pulls a Mike Tyson and beats The Hound (go Brienne!– kinda– cause I like The Hound too).

Arya takes this time to run off and hide– what she does best and when Brienne and Pod run off to find her she returns to The Hound to check on him.  Quickly she realizes he’s going to die and he begs her to be merciful and end it. Then when she doesn’t he begins saying horrible things to her, yet she still doesn’t. Instead she grabs his money and runs away with it. This exchange between the two of them is more heartbreaking than when Jon watched Ygritte die.  I truly think that The Hound loved Sansa romantically and loved Arya like a sister/daughter. Yes he sucked at showing love, but I feel like they changed him. Sadly Arya still doesn’t care and left him there to rot.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Brienne and Pod never found Arya– she hears rumors that Arya is alive, but never actually finds her. Instead she finds a lovely character named Lady Stoneheart that I really really hope shows up next season. You may have seen the Internet explode with disappointment that she didn’t show up in the finale, but if you missed that let’s just say that I bet you didn’t see her coming.

The Hound/Arya scene does happen though.  However it’s not because of a battle with Brienne, but rather a wound from a fight that festers and she leaves him to die under a tree. It’s uncertain as to whether he actually died or not.

Dude, he kinda has a point

Finally!  Here’s the big moment. Jaime saves Tyrion from execution and they share a loving embrace at the foot of the exit. Thennnnnnnnnn Tyrion gets this calculating look on his face and heads off to visit his daddy. Of course Shea is laying naked in Tywin’s bed and is mostly shocked to see Tyrion in the room. Don’t worry he manages to strangle her with the gold chain she’s wearing. Enter the crossbow from the wall and a trip to the privy.

Tywin is obviously very surprised to be visited by the son that he thinks is locked up waiting for execution. Tywin tries to take control of the situation with forcefulness and flattery. Yeah that doesn’t work so well for him. He calls Tyrion’s bluff and gets a crossbow bolt for his troubles. That doesn’t slow down his mockery of Tyrion so he follows up with another bolt. Varys sees the situation and hurries Tyrion off to the boat. Once he hears the bells he decides to join Tyrion on the boat.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Jaime does save Tyrion and sets him free.  However before parting ways Jaime admits to lying to Tyrion about his wife Tysha.  She wasn’t a whore after all. I explain it more in depth here . This spurs him to go confront Tywin about it, he finds Shea, kills her, then kills Tywin. His shot to Tywin is through the intestines which immediately causes him to poop everywhere.  Tywin tells Tyrion before his death that Tysha went “wherever whores go” which haunts him throughout book 5.

The only other thing is that Varys doesn’t leave yet– he has a few more people to kill before he abandons King’s Landing.  However those people haven’t had huge roles in the show so maybe that’s why they chose this time to let him escape.

Arya has made it to the narrow sea and tries to buy passage on a boat to the Wall to get to Jon, but the ship isn’t going north. When she hears that the ship is going to Braavos she gives the captain the coin she got from Jaqen H’ghar and not only receives passage, but gets a cabin.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Big things are going to happen for Arya next season.  Braavos starts a big new chapter in her life that will change everything for her.

Now just to wait a year for the next season. . .

Game of Thrones, Breaker of Chains: Tyrion in the Courtyard with the Poison

tyrion

We got to see a good many things last night and many scenes that will change the way we think about characters from here on out.  Below are mine and Cathy’s thoughts, suspicions and theories.  Cathy’s words are in normal typeset and mine are in bold.  Enjoy and as always there are spoilers galore (both from the show and from the books– I try to give extra warning for book spoilers).

This season is quickly shaping up to be a gigantic game of Clue. We know the weapon, poison.  We know the where, the wedding reception. We don’t however know the who.

The Suspects:

Tyrion: Cersei had Tyrion arrested at the end of episode two. He handed Joffrey the cup of wine which is presumably where the poison was. Joffrey pointed to him while he was dying, but being one of the only people in Joffrey’s direct line of sight, that’s not unexpected.  My favorite scene from last night’s episode was the scene between Podrick and Tyrion. We now know for sure Tyrion had nothing to do with Joffrey’s poisoning, he says so himself. I believe Tyrion is one of the few characters we can fully believe. Podrick fills Tyrion in on who has been appointed judges for his trial, and confesses that he’s been offered a knighthood if he’ll testify against Tyrion, but staying true to his Lord, Podrick refused. Fearful for what they’ll do to Podrick, Tyrion tells Pod to testify against him, that he doesn’t want Pod to potentially be killed for him.

Cersei has hated Tyrion since their mother died giving birth to him (or did she?  As in perhaps Tyrion was the result of an affair and Tywin– this is a long shot, but I’m still throwing it out there).  As both Cathy and Tyrion pointed out though if Tyrion was going to kill the King he would have done it in a way that didn’t implicate himself.  Tyrion is smarter than that.  Oh and I second the statement that the best part of the episode was the scene between Pod and Tyrion.

Olenna Tyrell: Grannie’s been maneuvering her house up through the ranks. Her house is considerably more important now that her granddaughter married the King, and she helped finance part of the war. Now that Joffrey’s dead, she’s protected her granddaughter from a hellish marriage. The only sticking point is Margaery’s status as Queen. The marriage wasn’t consummated yet, so is Margaery really queen? If Olenna was behind the murder, one would think she would have waited and poisoned Joffrey’s breakfast the next morning.

OK I’m going to disagree a little with Cathy here.  This is who I think killed Joffery (if only there was an envelope full of cards I could check).  She knew what Joffery was and his death BEFORE consummation leaves them in a strong position to negotiate a marriage between her and Tommen.  Margaery was able to marry Joffery because her marriage with Renly wasn’t ever consummated and it would be even creepier than it already is for her to marry Tommen if she’s already had sex.  Of course we haven’t found out exactly who did this in the books yet so it’s anyone’s guess.

 

Oberyn Martell: The Lannisters’ men killed his sister. He made it clear from episode one that he wants revenge for his sister’s death. We learned last night that he studied poisons at the Citadel. Did he use his knowledge to kill Joffrey and avenge his sister? He told Tywin he wouldn’t be that obvious, but Joffrey certainly would be a wonderful way to hit the Lannisters where it hurts. In a surprising turn of events, Tywin offers an alliance to Oberyn; however we never see them agree to it. Did Oberyn accept Tywin’s offer, we’ll have to wait to find out.

Oberyn has a serious ax to grind, but I also don’t believe that he would kill Joffery in this fashion.  I see him more as someone who would derive more pleasure out of stabbing someone through the heart.  Also they Martells hold Cersei’s daughter in Dorne so could inflict more pain that way.

Oberyn 

OK I’m going to add some suspects that Cathy didn’t mention.  

Mace Tyrell: In the books it is implied that the poison was contained in a hairnet that Sansa got from her fool and that the stone with the poison was removed during the wedding feast and slipped into Joffery’s drink.  But what if the poison was in the cup all along, but was covered up by something that had to slowly dissolve?  Mace gave him the cup (in the show– I don’t really remember this from the book, but I might have just forgotten this).

 

Margaery Tyrell: She also knew who Joffery really was and didn’t want to marry him.  I feel like she was at least complicit in his murder even if she didn’t put the poison in the cup herself.  Of course she came out smelling like a Rose no matter how you look at this.

Littlefinger: Varys once said “Littlefinger would burn the kingdom down if it meant he could sit on a throne of ashes.” Petyr wants power, and we know he’s not afraid to play both sides to get it. I’ve always believed he’s a character that should never be ignored. Even his absence in the story is important. He’s ALWAYS up to something. We learned last night he was behind Dontos sneaking Sansa out of the party. How did he know that something would happen at the party to allow for Sansa to escape? I don’t believe for one second he really cares about helping Sansa get to safety. He has a plan to use her in some scheme to help him get closer to the throne.

Littlefinger is someone that I really really dislike.  Every now and then he does something awesome (cause in reality Sansa probably would have died if she had stayed in the capital and then later he will do something with a Moon Door that I also approve of). Mostly everything else that he does is super creepy or to further his own agenda.  The show has touched on it, but he was super duper in love with Catelyn and is now trying to fulfill his fantasies through Sansa. 

Sansa: Joffrey has terrorized her for years. Did she finally snap? No. She’s an idiot. I feel bad for her, but Sansa’s too stupid to have orchestrated the poisoning. If you’ve read the books, you’ll know what I’m talking about. The show makes her look halfway intelligent. The “real” Sansa is a spoiled moron. She’s definitely been used in the plot to kill Joffrey, she just doesn’t realize it.

Seriously she’s an idiot. I think the reason that watchlings don’t release how horrible she is is that it’s hard to convey that those tortured looks she has are because she’s feeling sorry for herself.  Since Arya disappeared she’s spent maybe 30 minutes worried about her and hours and hours blaming her for things.  She was sad about her Dad, Mom and brother, but not too bothered.  She’s weak.  She’s annoying and doesn’t seem like she’s ever going to die.

Is the killer one of these people, a combination of these people, or someone entirely different? One thing’s for sure, it wasn’t Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick.

There is more to the world than that’s going on in King’s Landing. We see Jon taking more of a leadership role at the wall; Arya’s brief feeling of camaraderie towards the Hound has gone; and Daenerys is off freeing slaves. On that note, let’s all give a slow clap to Daario for his sweet moves last night.

 

Yummmmmm. For those of you that don’t know Daario Naharis’s knives have naked women on the hilt and he likes to rub and kiss their breasts which Dany finds sexy.  I can see why she’s attracted to him. Jorah now?  Poor Jorah.

And the only only other thing I can say about Dany is enjoy the story line now because it’s about to get boring. 

Also for all you non-readers out there:

Major Character Deaths: 0

Boob Count: 2 pairs (it seemed like more though didn’t it?)

EDIT!

WARNING– EXTRA SPOILERS

One last thing I forgot to mention.  I was disappointed in the scene where Jamie rapes Cersei.  In the books it does in fact happen much like that except it is consensualJamie has changed a lot since he was captured and then released by the Starks.  This scene with Cersei was kind of a goodbye to his love with her.  Also in the books this happened right when he got back.  Joffery died during his journey with Brienne so there hasn’t been all this tension between him and his family.  That comes later. I just feel like the added rape seriously damages his character.  True he’s already thrown a small boy off a tower, but this has jacked it up a notch.  I actually felt sorry for Cersei and believe me no one should sympathize with Cersei right now.