Game of Thrones: The Wars to Come. They are deviating from the books?! EVERYONE RIOT!

[S5] After watching the Season 5 premier last night…

So we’ve heard so much about how the books and show are not really going to coincide in the future and people have been upset.  My response? Duh. GRRM is busy looking like a boat captain troll instead of finishing the books. Right now I’m waiting for GRRM to die so Brandon Sanderson can take over the series, finish the rest of the books in about six months and create a better written book then we’ve gotten so far. He did it for Robert Jordan and did a masterful job.

As always though I will hit the highlights of this episode and note any changes/deviations from the book series. Sometimes– like in the case of Sansa– this isn’t the worst thing. BE WARNED!! There are so very many spoilers in this post that if you haven’t read the books or if you haven’t gone down the rabbit hole of the Internet theories you should stop reading this now. I’m going to cover what happened in the show vs what happened in the books and to throw some spoilers on top I’m also going to talk about theories I have.

Maggy the Frog

Maggy is a fortune teller that Cersei and two friends met with in Lannisport. The fortune that Maggy gives Cersei in the show is pretty much what she told her in the books. Of course she thinks that Maggy means that she will marry Rheagar, but obviously that’s not what she meant. She also told Cersei that the “valonqar” would “wrap his hands about your pale white throat and choke the life from you.” Valonqar means little brother in High Valyrian so she of course takes it to mean that Tyrion is going to kill her, but what she’s ignoring is that Jaime is also her little brother. Also Maggy wasn’t super specific about everything so it could just be a younger brother of someone else. However, when it’s all said and done there are so many people that want to kill her it’ll probably be someone we don’t care about that kills her.

The show left out the other friend (who ran away before getting her fortune read anyway) so I would have left her out too, and they left out the friend that was there getting her fortune told. The other girl asked Maggy if she would marry Jaime and Maggy told her she would die that night. It’s implied that Cersei pushed her down a well to die and I feel like she did so because she was interested in Jaime. Cersei wanted to marry Rheagar at this point, but I don’t think she would have ever shared Jaime with anyone.

This fortune telling is very important in the upcoming time period because Cersei becomes obsessed with killing Tyrion because she thinks he will not only kill her, but hurt her remaining children as well.

Tywin’s Funeral

Cersei storms in to see her father and ignores all the people she needs politically. She once again shows that Tyrion is the better Lannister. She lays the blame of Tywin’s death on Jaime’s feet and wants Tyrion’s head to pay for his crimes. She has a big long crazy rant here, but we all knew she was crazy.

The big thing they left out of this part is that he smelled so bad. People were sick during the funeral because he smelled like a sewer. It is possible that Tywin was already poisoned by the Martells and would have died anyway. He also dried out very strangely which made it appear that he was smiling in a crazy manner. Both the smell and the smile hurt the tone of this event and make Cersei even crazier. I do wish they’d left in the smell thing because Cersei showed her craziness even more by blaming the Sisters who prepared the body of trying to harm his reputation.

Tyrion 

OK they take another big departure here, but I think it’s all going to end up in the same place. Last night Tyrion showed up across the narrow sea at an estate with Varys and he’s given the option to stay there and drink himself to death or to go with Varys to Meereen to help restore Dany to her throne. Jokes and quips are made, but he finally agrees to go with Varys.

In the books he ends up at Illyrio Mopatis’ estate and is sent off with people in obvious disguise to meet Dany. Tyrion eventually figures out that one of the people in the crew is an exiled– believed dead Lord and Rheagar’s young son that is also thought to be dead. It is never clear if he’s actually the boy or if he’s a good impostor, but he’s been raised to one day return to King’s Landing to take his throne back. He’s going to Dany though because she has dragons– and a dragon must have three heads after all. Which in my theory world is Dany, Jon and one other person I can’t 100% decide on.

In the books not everything works out as expected (yes– shocking I know), but he still ends up in Meereen. He just isn’t in a position to gain audience with Dany. So sure they’re skipping all that so he can go with Varys and more characters don’t have to be introduced. I get that, but does that mean that Rheagar’s child is an impostor? Or that his storyline isn’t important? Cause if it’s not that is a lot to write about someone that doesn’t matter.

Back with Dany

Dany is destroying the Harpy and is still meeting resistance within this city. This whole story drives me crazy. Dany can’t figure out why she can’t rule. Dany has locked up her dragons. Dany allows the people of the city to push her around and murder her Unsullied. OK here’s the thing. You have dragons– mother of dragons– how about you burn this mother down and then the next city you try to rule will listen to you when you tell them what to do. Quit bowing and scraping and act.

They don’t deviate that much from the books. Dany suddenly becomes weak and uninteresting in those as well. Don’t worry by the end of book 5 she begins to become interesting again.

listdeux was the brains behind this.

listdeux was the brains behind this.

Castle Black

Jon is training young kids and Sam is being mocked. So it’s business as usual. Really what they are doing is setting up what is about to happen with Jon Snow. Some aspects of this story they have sped up and others they’ve slowed down. I’m not really sure why they’ve done this, but I’m not going to spoil too much here. Just Melisandre is a super creeper towards Jon Snow and I don’t understand why her hair looks so dark.

They have Mance Rayder in custody and have told him that he must bend the knee or he will be burned. He chooses the second option and we see him put on a pyre. Jon Snow shoots an arrow into him which interrupts the sacrifice to the Red God and doesn’t please Stannis or any of his crew.

In the books Mance is killed in a similar way, but dies begging for his life and claiming that he wasn’t really Mance. Later Jon Snow finds out that Melisandre has put a spell on Mance and Rattleshirt so they they look like each other and it was really Rattleshirt that was killed. Mance plays a big role later in an attempt to save Arya. So I’m interested if they somehow save this plot line as it was one that made you like Melisandre a little. Right now she’s just a weirdo that likes sex with odd people, gives birth to demon babies and likes fire on an unhealthly level.

Stannis did offer Winterfell to Jon Snow and the hand of the “wildling princess” but Jon turned it down. He wanted Winterfell, but he won’t abandon his vows and he won’t take this thing that should have been Robb’s or Bran’s. Stannis and Melisandre deserve each other.

We’re twinsies!

Sansa and Littlefinger

We see Littlefinger plotting and double speaking about Sansa’s name. I wish that Robin (aka Robert) had been left with someone to be beaten into the ground. It probably would make a man of him. Sadly though in the books Sansa is still playing the part of Littlefinger’s bastard daughter and having to deal with a crying little boy that for some reason is always rubbing on her breasts. I rarely say that I am happy that a show departs from the book, but right now I’m glad I don’t have to see that. I do wish Sansa would grow up though and stop going along with Littlefinger’s plots.

Brienne and Pod

Arya has run off and refused Brienne’s help while Pod is trying to motivate his “knight.” Brienne is kind of a cod to Pod here and all he’s trying to do is help her. This is another departure from the books, but I’m hoping that they will get back to what happens in the books. I won’t say too much about it just in case– but it has to do with zombies, Jaime Lannister and hangings. (Sansa is tantalizingly passing them in a carriage with Littlefinger– I guess to build tension).

Cersei

Cersei is bored at the reception for her father. She’s being forced to listen to everyone talk about how amazing her father was and how no one will ever match his greatness. Instead of taking these at what they are– platitudes– she assumes that they are slights aimed at her. She sees herself as Tywin Lannister the second– only with breasts to better manipulate those around her. Her anger is growing at the arranged marriage that was put in place for Tommen and as her drinking begins to increase so does her quest for absolute power. Now did they say all that in the show? Nope. but that’s what’s happening in the books and that’s what I picked up on through her body language in this episode.

The big thing that happens in this segment is that Lancel (her first cousin whom she had an affair with after Robert’s death– during Jaime’s capture) implies that he might let everyone know about their “unnatural relations” and about how he made sure that Robert was so drunk during his boar hunt that an accident was almost guaranteed. Cersei feigns ignorance, but it’s obvious that this is driving her crazy. It’s yet another area that she doesn’t have absolute control.

This is a understandable departure from the books. In the series he is given the land of Darry and is forced to take a wife. Instead of doing his husbandly duties he chooses to spend all of his time in prayer. Jaime is witness to all of this– and to his wife’s promiscuity during his march to face the Blackfish. Jaime is actually the one who talks to Lancel and hears about the boar hunt and his relationship with Cersei. This just reinforces all the things that Tyrion said to him during his escape. That Cersei was having sex with Lancel, the Kettleblacks and Moon Boy (the last one being a quip, but sticks in his mind). Later– when Cersei requests his return– for reasons– Jamie ignores her because of what she has done. He sees their incestuous relationship as something pure and he’s never desired or taken another woman, but has now found out that Cersei was just using him too for her own gains. This revelation is a big turning point for Jaime’s character and I wonder how they will replace that exchange in the show since Cersei ended up being the one to deal with Lancel.

Creeper of the Year Award

Margaery Tyrell

A couple friends of mine and I watched this as it aired and before the episode started I guessed that we’d see 5 pairs of boobs before the end of the episode, and although we fell short of that I feel like I should be able to add in all the bare butts that we got a view of. This scene opens up on Margaery’s brother Loras and his new lover doing lover-y things and Margaery walks right in and sits on the bed. She claims that she’s hungry and that they are late to see the King, but it’s super awkward. I don’t care that Loras is in there with another man– you don’t walk in on your brother nude with someone else and make yourself a spot on the bed to chat. I get as hangry as the next person, but nope. She seems to be checking out Olyvar just as much as her brother was. They have a brief discussion about Tywin’s death and the impact that that will have on Loras’ engagement to Cersei. Margaery is obviously plotting something. Although a scene not in the books– this is right on target as to what was going on between these two. The only thing I don’t think they have emphasized enough is Margaery’s reputation among court. She’s a woman that was married (to a man that was well known as gay though) and has been wedded to Tommen’s older brother, but as soon as she’s promised to Tommen she adopts a childlike attitude. She’s surrounded by maidens and they occupy themselves with everything that is good and innocent and sweet. That’ll be important later on.

Tyrion and Varys

We see Tyrion in much better shape, but still drinking heavily. They discuss the plan to take Tyrion to Meereen and Varys goal to bring peace to King’s Landing. I’ve talked about this earlier, but any scene with Peter Dinklage should be mentioned again.

Dany in Meereen

She’s still ruling like a queen that has been in power for a long time and not a queen that is struggling for power. Dany is listening to the wrong people and taking the wrong advice. Once again she’s the Mother of Dragons and she has her dragons chained up in the pyramids. She’s so concerned with the dragons killing other people that she’s letting the rebellion kill her people.

My theory is that to control the dragons you have to be able to warg into them a little. Like the Starks control their Direwolves. Dany just hasn’t figured out how to do it on purpose. When she was hurt and alone after their birth she did it by instinct. Now she has lost herself and her power.

Overall I’m not super concerned with their departures from the books because they are going to have to adapt to the fact that they have almost completely caught up with what has been written by GRRM and they need to foreshadow what is coming and we might see things that we don’t understand. I just wish that I could read it before I see it.

Game of Thrones: Mockingbird. You are the Wind Beneath My Wings.

This episode contained a ton of set up.  This is one of those episodes that I have trouble judging how Watchlings would receive it.  As I am watching I’m getting super excited about all that is about to happen which makes me wonder if all the Watchlings out there are bored or confused.

Jamie and Tyrion

We start out with Jamie and Tyrion arguing about Tyrion’s speech at the end of his trial.  Jamie sees it as idiotic and Tyrion sees it as his only option to fight back.  For all Jamie’s desire to have Tyrion shipped off to the Night’s Watch I wonder what his actions would have been in a similar situation.  Tyrion makes very valid points to Jamie.  Jamie was playing right into Tywin’s hands.  He would have gotten rid of his embarrassment of son and gained his heir back to the place he wanted.

Tyrion’s pleas to get Jamie to fight for him are heartbreaking.  Tyrion loves his brother and I do believe Jamie loves Tyrion, but Jamie also knows that he can’t beat the Mountain and I think Jamie feels powerless against his father and sister.

 

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Jamie knows all to well about Tyrion falling in love with a whore. Tyrion married a girl when he was very young that he loved very much and said that she loved him.  They lived together for a time and then Tywin told Tyrion that Jamie had hired the girl to have sex with Tyrion and then it had gotten out of control. Tywin took the girl and gave her to all his soldiers and then had Tyrion “service” her in front of everyone else.  This has haunted Tyrion since that time and if the show follows the books Jamie is about to drop a revelation about this young girl very soon.

Cersei and The Mountain:

Cut to a huge guy disemboweling some people evidently for fun and Cersei watching.  I’m not real sure where these people have come from.  Do they keep people around just for him to slice up?  That seems like a healthy past time.  This scene mostly is just to set up that The Mountain is The Wu Tang Clan, Dr. Dre and Tupac all rolled into one huge scary person.

Image

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Are you aware that Cersei is a heartless conniving bitch? OK good.  How about that The Mountain is a psychopath and has killed more people than I can count?  OK good.  So you got this.

The Hound and Arya:

Ahhh, my favorite homicidal travelers.  Arya and The Hound have left quite a bit of death and destruction in their wake and it doesn’t appear to be slowing down anytime soon. The scene opens up with them riding up to a scene of mayhem and death.  There is one person left, slowly dying from a wound to the stomach.  The three of them talk about life, death and the everafter for a while. Then the conversation comes to an abrupt end when The Hound shoves a knife under the mans ribs into his heart.  This was a mercy kill so the man didn’t have to slowly die a painful death there on the road.  The Hound looks meaningfully at Arya and says “That’s where the heart is. That’s how you kill a man.” Then suddenly there is someone biting into The Hound’s neck and trying to kill him to which the Hound responds by quickly snapping the neck of his attacker. I would like to say that is also how you kill a man.

Since the one dude bit a chunk out of The Hound’s neck I’m assuming he’s Rorge’s counterpart Biter.  Biter was supposed to be killed by Gendry, but I’ll take the change.  It’s an acceptable alteration.  Rorge likewise was killed in a different manner (Brienne killed him), but this was an awesome scene with Arya and stayed true to character.  It does ask the question though, that if they are already dead now, will Brienne and Pod run into any action on the Kingsroad now?

Just like my first date. Ahhh the memories

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Arya did know who Rorge and Biter were.  They joined the Bloody Mummers aka The Brave Companions with Jaqen H’ghar and helped Arya free the Northman that were captured at Harrenhall.  Also they were scarier in the book then they are in the show.  Also The Hound should have already been seriously injured so I’m wondering if this bite will turn into something serious since he wouldn’t let Arya cleanse it with fire.  Oh we haven’t gotten to that part yet? OK sorry, continue.

Meanwhile on the Wall:

We see Janos Slynt singling out Jon Snow and trying to make him look like a coward, an idiot and a traitor.  This break it mostly just to remind you that there is stuff going on at the Wall that will be important later.  So yeah.  Janos is a douche. Jon knows what he’s talking about. Let’s continue.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Winter is coming. Oh yeah, I think you’ve picked up on that.

Bronn and Tyrion:

Bronn very succinctly explains why he won’t be Tyrion’s champion.  I think that this rejection hurts a lot worse then Jamie’s. It’s logical. Bronn was always for Bronn (the dwarves are for the dwarves!) and it wouldn’t fit if he suddenly changed.  However, I do think that Bronn wished that he was a better man.  A more loyal man. But at the end of the day he is just Bronn: The Sell Sword.

 

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Nope.  This was pretty much word for word from the books.  And done amazingly well. Look that that last touch that Bronn throws in though.  Yep, he really does care about Tyrion. The only other thing I’d add is that you may have forgotten that Lollys is knocked up with a baby from her gang rape that occurred when they sent Marcella off to Dorne. Bronn later names that baby Tyrion and I think he does that just to let Cersei know that she may have bought his cooperation, but not his loyalty (if he actually had much left).

Dany and Daario Naharis:

So Dany sends Daario to kill the Masters, but not before she exercised her right of first night with Daario. Hmmm or maybe she’s just been alone with guys for a really long time and liked the way Daario massages. . .his knives.  Anyway, insert sex scene– wait scratch that– insert sex scene that isn’t shown.

Random acts.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Dany has been fantasizing about this for a while so she’s mostly just doing this for herself.  It leads to some sticky situations later, but really as I’ve stated before Dany is just boring right now.  Of course putting her in that dress makes her more interesting.

Melisandre and Selyse:

As if to make up for not showing the sex scene between Daario and Dany we see the Red Woman naked for an uncomfortably long time. Blah, blah, blah, they are both crazy and creepy.  Oh and evidently the Red Woman wants Seylse’s daughter along just in case they need to sacrifice her to the Red God. Totally normal.

goddamn carice van houten is probably the most beautiful human ever

What the Watchlings don’t know:

You’ve probably gotten everything you need out of this.  They are both really weird and really creepy.  The Red Woman will become more and more important as time goes on.

Dany and Jorah:

Yeah I’m not even going to address this.  We are reminded once again Dany is a strong female character. We got it.

The Hound and Arya

I mentioned before the whole fire/infection issue.  I am curious as to where this is going to take us.  I doubt that the sketchy water Arya washed it out with is going to fix it.  The Hound is one of those characters (like Jamie Lannister) that I truly hated for so long, but then once I got to see his character develop I love him. I want to hug and protect him as no one ever did for him.  Imagine having to live with someone that you were always afraid they might kill you for the fun of it. Yeah, just not cool.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

The Mountain is the head of the house because his father died under suspicious circumstances as did his sister and his two wives.  The Mountain is also known for killing people on a whim. So yeah his baby brother might have a few issues he needs to work through.  Evidently the Stark girls bring out all the good in him.

Brienne and Pod:

The adventure continues with our daring duo.  Hot Pie offers some comedy relief and Brienne’s expressions are priceless. However Hot Pie does come through in the end and spills the beans on Arya.  Good thing Brienne isn’t one of the bad guys.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

In the books something big is about to go down with these two.  We’ll see if it happens in the show.  My only spoiler/theory/thought that I’d like to add is to the readers out there.  What if the one word Brienne says at a critical moment is Arya? We’ll see.  (EDIT: My brother pointed out to me that GRRM has confirmed that they word she said was sword– so I was wrong). They are now on their way to the Erie which in and of itself is a bit different than the books so maybe we’ll all be surprised.

The Red Viper and Tyrion:

Out of all the people Tyrion didn’t expect to visit him Prince Oberyn was probably very high on that list. This whole conversation is mostly word for word out of the books.  It was more heartbreaking to watch than to read. Cersei has hated Tyrion for so long. Because of his deformity, or the fact that their mother died during childbirth, or because he interrupted what she had with Jamie.  Who knows? All I know is that it was painful to watch Oberyn tell Tyrion about his visit all those years ago.

And the emotion that Tyrion showed when Oberyn made his announcement was perfect.  I know Tywin wasn’t expecting that in response. After all why would Oberyn help a Lannister?

Sansa and Littlefinger:

Back to the Erie and some creepiness. Sansa builds a snow Winterfell and Robyn (aka Robert) acts like a little sh#t and gets slapped for it.  Fearing repercussions Sansa kinda panics to Littlefinger who gives her some speech about how he thinks of her like his daughter and then grabs her and kisses her.  Yeah not weird at all. Lysa sees it all and of course that bodes well for Sansa right? Or maybe not. Lysa freaks out and threatens Sansa by pushing her towards the Moon Door. Littlefinger responded this way:

 

What the Watchlings don’t know:

In the books there was a musician hanging around that this murder was pinned on.  I’m not sure how they are going to play this here. Needless to say Sansa has learned a lot about the kind of person Littlefinger is and I don’t think she’ll make the same mistakes Lysa or Catelyn made. Littlefinger becomes more creepy as does Robert Robyn.

Major Character Deaths: One

Boob Count: Just one pair

See you in two weeks!

Game of Thrones: First of His Name, Where I write a review incredibly late

awest

We start off the episode with Tommen’s coronation.  How cute is he?  There were a few smiles back and forth between Margaery and him that didn’t go unnoticed by Cersei.  Cersei approached Margaery acting as if she wants to become friends with her and Marge responded with this:

Seriously the look on Margaery’s face when she says all of this is how I feel when I’ve thought of an amazing put down and actually use it (as opposed to thinking of it hours after it was appropriate).

What the Watchlings don’t know:

In the books Cersei is seriously pissed off that Margaery is the new queen and she’s been pushed aside.  She still thinks of herself as a young, beautiful, desirable creature and doesn’t like to be reminded she is a widowed mother of three.  The sure fire way to make her mad is to bring up the fact that she’s not Queen anymore.  That makes this cutting remark that much more painful.  Also don’t feel sorry for Cersei.  Never feel sorry for Cersei.  I’ve admitted that I like Jamie even post pushing Bran out the window, but Cersei is a worthless c*$#.  Sorry, but she is and just gets worse.

Cut to Mereen and Dany’s council meeting.  Some are advising her to invade King’s Landing and others are not.  Just notice that Jorah seems to know a good bit about Westeros and that he’s acting weird.  This will be important later.

Jorah does deliver news that all the people she has freed are now slaves again and in worse situations then when they started.  She decides to stay in Mereen and rule.  And become a boring weak character for a while.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Jorah was a spy for Westeros for a long time. (They talked about this in the early seasons, but you were probably still trying to figure out who everyone was). Anyway Barristan was on the small council meaning he knows this little factoid.  So yeah. . .stuff happens.

Switch to the Vale and we get to see Lysa Arryn be a super weirdo.  She evidently never learned that you shouldn’t act like a needy smothering girlfriend to keep a relationship healthy.  We also learned that she killed her husband, not the Lannisters, that she lost her virginity to Petyr a long time ago, that she’s an idiot, she’s super paranoid and jealous and that she likes loud sex.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Lysa treats her son in a very creepy manner.  Yes, you’ve seen the breastfeeding and that he likes to throw things/people out the Moon Door, but you don’t know that he needs someone to sleep with every night and since his mother is not otherwise occupied this duty will fall to Sansa and it’ll be more creepy then you can imagine.  Lysa got pregnant by Petyr all those years ago and her dad gave her tea that would make her lose the baby.  Oh and gave her that tea without her knowing what was going on.  Then made her marry a man that, although he was nice, was old enough to be her grandfather.  She definitely got the short end of the stick.

Lastly, Petyr is even a bigger creeper towards Sansa than we’ve seen on screen.  He is always touching her, moving her hair and trying to be alone with her.  So, yay weird pedo sexual tension.

Back to King’s Landing Cersei and Tywin have a heart to heart where they discuss up coming marriages and how they are evidently broke.  Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t remember this from the books.  Granted the kingdom is broke, but I don’t remember Casterly Rock being destitute.  Anyway this was mostly just a set up for later. Best laid plans and all that you know.

Also we learned The Iron Bank ain’t nothin’ to f^$# with.  They aren’t.  Way more hard core than the Wu Tang Klan.

Oh, and Cersei wants Tyrion to die, but that’s pretty obvious.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

No, you pretty much got this.

 

We have a few couples roaming around the Kingsroad and The Hound and Arya are the most badass.  Arya who has her list of people she plans to kill and The Hound who just desperately wants to protect someone.  He tried helping Sansa, but she was too stupid to realize it and Arya has accepted the help, but has so many trust issues she still thinks he has an ulterior motive.

The Hound hates all knights and what they represent, yet he’s been the most knightly in actions towards the Stark girls.  Well that is unless you remember him splitting Arya’s friend Mycah in half because of Joffery’s lies.  When trying to put together the type of character that would cut a small boy in half and a character that is gentle and protective of girls all I can think is that he’s trying to do better. (Let’s go into my complete made up thoughts for a minute).  Being always with the Lannisters and trying to avoid his insane brother he turned off his emotions and just did what was ordered.  However. then he saw how Ned Stark acted and how his family was treated.  Ned who truly was a knight and lord in every sense of the word.  I would like to think he’s trying to protect the girls in Ned’s place, he just doesn’t know how to not come across as an ass.

OK so that’s all just theory to me, but I also love that he pointed out that the first sword of Braavos wouldn’t have been killed by Meryn Trant.  So maybe I am right about my other theory.

They argue, Arya  tries to stab him with her sword and it doesn’t pierce his armor.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Ahh there’s not a lot that you don’t know except what’s about to happen next. So just keep watching.  Their plot line definitely is progressing unlike other strong female characters I know.

Poor Pod and his attempts to take care of Brienne.  This scene I think was mainly to show the two bonding and to prove to Brienne that Pod really is trying to do the best he can.  I love these scenes, but wonder what the watchlings think of them.  Are they boring?  Funny?  Really they are great, but more to see the book character’s come to life than anything.

What the Watchlings Don’t Know:

Big things are coming up for this pair as well.  The only other thing that you don’t know is that both characters are broken, unloved people that got a taste of happiness only to get put on the road again.  Pod was mistreated all his life until he met Tyrion and Brienne was mocked and scorned her whole life until she met Catelyn and Jamie.

Cersei shows back up trying to make everyone feel sorry for her again.  Here’s the thing she seems to have forgotten though: Her dad ordered his sister and sister’s kids killed.  Then they were sliced in half, head bashed in, or raped.  Yeah that’s not something you’re going to get over with a slightly weepy talk about missing your daughter.  Plus it’s probably going to backfire on you. Just sayin’

What the Watchlings Don’t Know:

Cersei is insane.  Like certifiable. Plus she conveniently forgets about all the horrible things her family has done to others.  Never feel sorry for Cersei.

Finally we get to see what’s going on in Craster’s Keep.  Ferb Jojen still looks like he has a really bad case of the flu, plus that fire can’t be good for his hand.  Oh wait.

The traitor that Bolton sent to the Wall leads an attack on the Keep sneaking off to kidnap Bran.  Jon and his men make short work of the traitors with some graphic violence and it looks bad for Bran and the others.  Then when all looks lost Bran wargs into Hodor.  Yeah, why didn’t he do that before?

I don’t care who you are you have to feel sorry for Hodor when he wakes up and realizes that he’s a murderer. Such a gross thing to wake up to. Seriously he should have warged sooner and avoided some of the death and destruction.

Both the wolves are reunited with their masters and the Night’s Watch burn down Craster’s Keep and all the dead.  The wives/daughters/granddaughters of Craster go their own way.

What the Watchlings don’t Know

OK none of this crap is in the books.  Bran does warg into Hodor some, but just be able to walk again or to be able to see what’s going on in a place that he can’t reach.  Summer does get a little hurt at one point, but Summer and Ghost aren’t captured because they are f-ing direwolves that would rip their captor’s throats out.  Once again– just sayin’.

There was a lot of set up in this episode so just wait until everything comes to fruition.  Lots of drama/violence/surprises. And lets get real, probably lots of sex too.

Major Character Deaths: 0

Boob Count: 0

Jaqen H’ghar: A Man Must Have a Backstory

Jaqen H’ghar

The Man:

Jaqen shows up for the first time in the group of recruits taken from Kings Landing to go serve on the Wall.  He was one of three that were taken from the “black cells” in the dungeon– where only the worst criminals were kept.  He and the other two are kept in a cage during the time they were traveling with Yoren and the others.

Of Jaqen’s crimes we know nothing.  He appears as a criminal and obviously a bad one.  The other two, although they look more ferocious, appear to be scared of Jaqen (maybe the . After helping Arya get away from Harrenhall he changes his appearance magically, gives Arya that coin that gets her to Braavos and then disappears. It seems that he went to Oldtown and kills a Citadel novice named Pate and takes his place.

Catch phrase:  A man [knows, needs a name, needs a face, must die]

Theories: Ok there are a few big ones here, but my favorite is that Jaqen and Syrio Forel are one in the same.  Syrio is from Braavos and Jaqen sends Arya on the road to Braavos so that she can become one of the Faceless too (or at least have the opportunity to train as one).  It never states that Syrio was killed by Meryn Trant only that he slowed Arya’s would be captors down long enough for her to get away.  Therefore if he wasn’t killed, but just captured, he would have been placed in the Black Cells .  The Black Cells are reserved for only the most dangerous criminals which  Syrio definitely would have been classified as if he had been able to kill all those guards and continue to fight a member of the Kingsguard without a sword.

So say that Syrio was placed in the Black Cells, then changed his appearance once he got there (or once he realized he had a way out with Yoren) then became Jaqen H’ghar.  Jaqen definitely shows a good bit of interest in Arya even when she was disguised as a boy.  Arya says that Jaqen was like Syrio, but different so maybe she even saw it even though she didn’t know what she was seeing.

Now why would a faceless man be working as a dancing master for the Starks?  Perhaps he was just in the area and thought it would be advantageous to take the offered job.  Or maybe he was in King’s Landing to assassinate someone and a position in the Hand of the King’s household helped him gain access.  Or perhaps Varys placed him in the Stark household for his own reasons. Whichever way, I feel that Syrio/Jaqen would see it as his duty to protect Arya when the Lannisters came to seize her.

Continuing on with this theory, if they are the same person then Syrio has already once freed Arya which left her on her own and vulnerable so I could see why he wouldn’t want to try to free her from the relative safety of Harrenhall.  True she was beaten and mistreated, but she was fed and clothed.  Life on the Kingsroad was fraught with more peril than that.

It is established in both Bran’s storyline and Jon Snow’s storyline that wargs can sense each other once they know what to look for so perhaps Syrio felt this power in the Starks which increased his desire to assist Arya survive. Even if the theory is complete bunk Jaqen would have seen it in Arya and maybe his assassination of Weese via dog was an attempt to have her reveal her power to him.

After Arya tricked him into freeing her Jaqen may have felt his debt/responsibility to her house was finished which would explain his giving her the coin and then leaving her instead of helping her safely to her family.

There is one more theory about Jaqen that I feel is worth a mention.  Some think that he is Daario Naharis. I see some possibility to this theory, he appears after Arya is freed from Harrenhall, but I also see a lot of issues.  He is the commander of the Stormcrows and yes he could have worked his way up the ladder with well placed killings, but this seems like it would have been a lengthy process.  So if he is Daario I see no way he could also be the man appearing as Pate in Oldtown.  I feel like it would be a one or the other situation and don’t feel so confident with all of Daario’s actions as to think he is the same person as the cunning Jaqen or the talented Syrio.

What do you think?  Total crap or plausible? Do you have other theories about Jaqen?

 

Game of Thrones, Breaker of Chains: Tyrion in the Courtyard with the Poison

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We got to see a good many things last night and many scenes that will change the way we think about characters from here on out.  Below are mine and Cathy’s thoughts, suspicions and theories.  Cathy’s words are in normal typeset and mine are in bold.  Enjoy and as always there are spoilers galore (both from the show and from the books– I try to give extra warning for book spoilers).

This season is quickly shaping up to be a gigantic game of Clue. We know the weapon, poison.  We know the where, the wedding reception. We don’t however know the who.

The Suspects:

Tyrion: Cersei had Tyrion arrested at the end of episode two. He handed Joffrey the cup of wine which is presumably where the poison was. Joffrey pointed to him while he was dying, but being one of the only people in Joffrey’s direct line of sight, that’s not unexpected.  My favorite scene from last night’s episode was the scene between Podrick and Tyrion. We now know for sure Tyrion had nothing to do with Joffrey’s poisoning, he says so himself. I believe Tyrion is one of the few characters we can fully believe. Podrick fills Tyrion in on who has been appointed judges for his trial, and confesses that he’s been offered a knighthood if he’ll testify against Tyrion, but staying true to his Lord, Podrick refused. Fearful for what they’ll do to Podrick, Tyrion tells Pod to testify against him, that he doesn’t want Pod to potentially be killed for him.

Cersei has hated Tyrion since their mother died giving birth to him (or did she?  As in perhaps Tyrion was the result of an affair and Tywin– this is a long shot, but I’m still throwing it out there).  As both Cathy and Tyrion pointed out though if Tyrion was going to kill the King he would have done it in a way that didn’t implicate himself.  Tyrion is smarter than that.  Oh and I second the statement that the best part of the episode was the scene between Pod and Tyrion.

Olenna Tyrell: Grannie’s been maneuvering her house up through the ranks. Her house is considerably more important now that her granddaughter married the King, and she helped finance part of the war. Now that Joffrey’s dead, she’s protected her granddaughter from a hellish marriage. The only sticking point is Margaery’s status as Queen. The marriage wasn’t consummated yet, so is Margaery really queen? If Olenna was behind the murder, one would think she would have waited and poisoned Joffrey’s breakfast the next morning.

OK I’m going to disagree a little with Cathy here.  This is who I think killed Joffery (if only there was an envelope full of cards I could check).  She knew what Joffery was and his death BEFORE consummation leaves them in a strong position to negotiate a marriage between her and Tommen.  Margaery was able to marry Joffery because her marriage with Renly wasn’t ever consummated and it would be even creepier than it already is for her to marry Tommen if she’s already had sex.  Of course we haven’t found out exactly who did this in the books yet so it’s anyone’s guess.

 

Oberyn Martell: The Lannisters’ men killed his sister. He made it clear from episode one that he wants revenge for his sister’s death. We learned last night that he studied poisons at the Citadel. Did he use his knowledge to kill Joffrey and avenge his sister? He told Tywin he wouldn’t be that obvious, but Joffrey certainly would be a wonderful way to hit the Lannisters where it hurts. In a surprising turn of events, Tywin offers an alliance to Oberyn; however we never see them agree to it. Did Oberyn accept Tywin’s offer, we’ll have to wait to find out.

Oberyn has a serious ax to grind, but I also don’t believe that he would kill Joffery in this fashion.  I see him more as someone who would derive more pleasure out of stabbing someone through the heart.  Also they Martells hold Cersei’s daughter in Dorne so could inflict more pain that way.

Oberyn 

OK I’m going to add some suspects that Cathy didn’t mention.  

Mace Tyrell: In the books it is implied that the poison was contained in a hairnet that Sansa got from her fool and that the stone with the poison was removed during the wedding feast and slipped into Joffery’s drink.  But what if the poison was in the cup all along, but was covered up by something that had to slowly dissolve?  Mace gave him the cup (in the show– I don’t really remember this from the book, but I might have just forgotten this).

 

Margaery Tyrell: She also knew who Joffery really was and didn’t want to marry him.  I feel like she was at least complicit in his murder even if she didn’t put the poison in the cup herself.  Of course she came out smelling like a Rose no matter how you look at this.

Littlefinger: Varys once said “Littlefinger would burn the kingdom down if it meant he could sit on a throne of ashes.” Petyr wants power, and we know he’s not afraid to play both sides to get it. I’ve always believed he’s a character that should never be ignored. Even his absence in the story is important. He’s ALWAYS up to something. We learned last night he was behind Dontos sneaking Sansa out of the party. How did he know that something would happen at the party to allow for Sansa to escape? I don’t believe for one second he really cares about helping Sansa get to safety. He has a plan to use her in some scheme to help him get closer to the throne.

Littlefinger is someone that I really really dislike.  Every now and then he does something awesome (cause in reality Sansa probably would have died if she had stayed in the capital and then later he will do something with a Moon Door that I also approve of). Mostly everything else that he does is super creepy or to further his own agenda.  The show has touched on it, but he was super duper in love with Catelyn and is now trying to fulfill his fantasies through Sansa. 

Sansa: Joffrey has terrorized her for years. Did she finally snap? No. She’s an idiot. I feel bad for her, but Sansa’s too stupid to have orchestrated the poisoning. If you’ve read the books, you’ll know what I’m talking about. The show makes her look halfway intelligent. The “real” Sansa is a spoiled moron. She’s definitely been used in the plot to kill Joffrey, she just doesn’t realize it.

Seriously she’s an idiot. I think the reason that watchlings don’t release how horrible she is is that it’s hard to convey that those tortured looks she has are because she’s feeling sorry for herself.  Since Arya disappeared she’s spent maybe 30 minutes worried about her and hours and hours blaming her for things.  She was sad about her Dad, Mom and brother, but not too bothered.  She’s weak.  She’s annoying and doesn’t seem like she’s ever going to die.

Is the killer one of these people, a combination of these people, or someone entirely different? One thing’s for sure, it wasn’t Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick.

There is more to the world than that’s going on in King’s Landing. We see Jon taking more of a leadership role at the wall; Arya’s brief feeling of camaraderie towards the Hound has gone; and Daenerys is off freeing slaves. On that note, let’s all give a slow clap to Daario for his sweet moves last night.

 

Yummmmmm. For those of you that don’t know Daario Naharis’s knives have naked women on the hilt and he likes to rub and kiss their breasts which Dany finds sexy.  I can see why she’s attracted to him. Jorah now?  Poor Jorah.

And the only only other thing I can say about Dany is enjoy the story line now because it’s about to get boring. 

Also for all you non-readers out there:

Major Character Deaths: 0

Boob Count: 2 pairs (it seemed like more though didn’t it?)

EDIT!

WARNING– EXTRA SPOILERS

One last thing I forgot to mention.  I was disappointed in the scene where Jamie rapes Cersei.  In the books it does in fact happen much like that except it is consensualJamie has changed a lot since he was captured and then released by the Starks.  This scene with Cersei was kind of a goodbye to his love with her.  Also in the books this happened right when he got back.  Joffery died during his journey with Brienne so there hasn’t been all this tension between him and his family.  That comes later. I just feel like the added rape seriously damages his character.  True he’s already thrown a small boy off a tower, but this has jacked it up a notch.  I actually felt sorry for Cersei and believe me no one should sympathize with Cersei right now.

Game of Thrones: Two Swords Season 4 Premier

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Finally!  Game of Thrones has returned!  This week I asked a friend of mine from college to help me with the review of the premier. Cathy does science-y stuff at Vanderbilt and is a huge ASoIaF fan and will be adding to my Game of Thrones reviews throughout the season.

My name’s Cathy and I’ve been into sci-fi for a long time, but I will admit, other than Lord of the Rings, I hadn’t read much in the fantasy genre until HBO released Game of Thrones. After seeing the first season, I devoured the books, and like most, am eagerly awaiting The Winds of Winter.

The night started out with me running in place, pointing at the TV, and squealing about Game of Thrones being back. Ok, not really, but I wanted to. Our long wait is finally over!

Season three left us in a state of mourning for the Stark family and their banner men. Arya was heartbreakingly close to being reunited with her family, until the Hound rescued her from being a victim of the Red Wedding along with her mother and brother. The war is seemingly over, Bolton has been named Warden of the North, while his bastard Ramsey has been busy cutting off pieces of Theon Greyjoy. After receiving “Theon Jr.” in the mail, his sister has gathered the Iron Born to stage a rescue attempt. Jon Snow made it back to Castle Black after being shot three times by a betrayed Ygritte, and we were left waiting an entire year to find out if he will survive his injuries. Stannis is moving his army north to help the Night’s Watch defend the wall, while somewhere in a row boat on the sea, Gendry is making his way back to King’s Landing. Speaking of King’s Landing, Jamie (sans right hand) and Brienne have made it back just in time for Joffrey and Margaery to get married.

Oh how the chess board has changed! Bring on Season 4!

I thought the opening of season 4 was the best so far. We are greeted with Twyin Lanister melting down Ice into two new swords; while he throws the wolf casing on the fire and watches it burn. Love. It. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no fan of the Lannister’s but that scene helped illustrate just how nefarious Tywin Lannister is. Hey, Arielle here, I just wanted to add that it seems like they were reinforcing how horrible Tywin is at every turn this episode.  He belittles his favorite son, Tyrion has to try to live with a woman that Tywin arranged to have her family brutally murdered, Tyrion also has to deal with The Red Viper (Oberyn Martell) who wants revenge for Tywin’s actions from years previous and while Tyrion is cleaning up his messes Tywin still treats him with contempt. This is all topped off with the images of Ice being melted down.  Ice which should have been returned to the Starks no matter what.  Mormont got his family blade back after his son was banished, Ned took The Sword of the Morning’s sword back to his family after killing him during his “rescue” of Lyanna.  It’s super shady that Tywin not only kept the sword but melted it down into something else.

While we’re on the subject of Tywin, I thought the scene between Tywin and Tyrion was brilliantly acted, and very foretelling. In a move that should win Tywin a “World’s Greatest Dad” goblet, Tywin tells his son that he wanted to drown him in the river after he was born, but because Tyrion carried the Lannister name, he didn’t do it. Wow. How much more abuse is Tyrion going to take? His role in saving King’s Landing during the Battle of the Blackwater was accredited to his coward brat nephew, whose brave contribution to the battle was to basically pee his pants and hide. He’s been verbally abused by his family his entire life, blamed for the death of his mother, forced to marry someone he didn’t want to, etc.  Is the time coming when Tyrion shows his family just what he’s capable of? We shall see.

As far as his two siblings this episode; Jamie gets a new hand, Cersi gets drunk. There was an interesting exchange between Cersi and her Maester. She thanks him for the medicine he’s given her, and is very tight lipped when Jamie asks her about it. Hmmmm…Could this have something to do with her scheme to not marry Loras?

This episode introduces us to two new characters, Prince Oberyn Martell and his paramour Ellaria Sand. They have travelled to King’s Landing under the pretense of attending Joffery’s wedding, however we quickly learn that Oberyn houses a deep hatred for the Lannisters. He’s there to enact revenge for the death of his beloved sister Elia and her children at the hands of the Mountain and on the orders of Tywin Lannister. Something tells me that any ole Lannister isn’t going to do for Oberyn. He’s harbored his hatred for a very long time; he’s going to want to hit someone that’s going to hurt the Lannister’s deeply. Which Lion(s) he goes after will be exciting to see.

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My new favorite team is the Hound and Arya. I feel like they need their own comic book. The two of them roaming the land, fighting crime, and just being awesome badasses. Who didn’t laugh last night when the Hound stabbed that guy in the balls?  You know you’d read it.  Seriously though, we’re starting to  see Arya grow into the person she’s going to become. She hardened by the tragedies she’s experienced, she’s wiser, and she’s seeking revenge towards the people who have hurt her family and friends. We see her regain Needle from Polliver, stare him down, and very calmly repeat his own words back to him before she stabs him in the throat. She has one name crossed off her prayer list. Who will be next? OK here I am again– I just want to add that just as I am disturbed when Joffery kills for fun I was somewhat put off by the glee with which Arya killed.  That little smile on her face was disturbing, but I also found myself cheering her on for being able to defend herself and help The Hound kill people that obviously needed killing.  I wonder how I will feel about seeing (as opposed to reading about) her journey to come.

Lastly, I want to address a small moment that I think will have a bigger impact down the line. Dontos giving Sansa the necklace. The only other time we’ve met Dontos was in the second season when he showed up drunk to a duel, sentenced to death by Joffery  only to be saved by Sansa. He’s stripped of his knighthood and made a court fool. Why bring back a character that we’ve forgotten about? Why make a big deal of him giving Sansa his mother’s necklace? We’re going to see more of him, he’s going to be important. I’m assuming the necklace is replacing the silver jeweled hairnet that she received from him in the books.- A

 

The last thing I (Arielle) will add to this discussion is that it was interesting to see Jon Snow start to take charge of The Wall and see Maester Aemon listen to him.  Which of course one Targaryen would listen to another–amirite?! 🙂

Until next week friends!

~C~

Episode Boob Count: 2 pairs

Major character death count: 0

 

The GREATEST “A Song of Ice and Fire” Thread Ever.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything about ASoIaF, but have you ever been part of a conversation that just needed to be shared with the world?

WARNING! THERE ARE SOME SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T READ ALL THE BOOKS.

Previously I posted this about some of my theories:

Capture

 

I have since expanded that theory to say that Jon Snow not only was calling out to Ghost, Wun Wun, the boar, but also to his dragon.  Because Viserion is totally his dragon.  And I’m really serious about the kitten thing.  Princess Rhaenys has to be super crazy by now, but how awesome would it be if she figured out how to warg back into a human?  If only she had warged into Cercei before her fall.  Then a Targaryen would have been pretty much ruling Westeros again and that would have been awesome.

My oldest brother finished the 5th book yesterday (he was late to the game, but he’s all important doing smart stuff so I guess I’ll let it slide) and he posted this today which led to the best thread ever.

AsoIaF 1

 

 

OK it starts out pretty tame– I think everyone agrees that he’s Lyann’s and Rhaegar’s son (if you don’t please post who you think is and why.  I would seriously love to know).  Let’s continue:

ASoIaF 2

 

 

I pretty much agree with everything Patrick is saying here except for the Bran riding a dragon part.  I see him living out his life growing into a tree watching through the eyes of crows and weirwoods.  I’m also going to be seriously disappointed if Jon Snow ends up being someone totally normal.  And then there is “There must always be a Stork at Waterfall.” Yes.

ASoIaF 3

 

If Rickon shows back up in the fashion that Daniel suggests that would just be. . .amazingly wonderful.

ASoIaF 4

Patrick hits some good points again although I think Tyrion has a better likelihood of being a Targaryen then Jamie and Cercei.  One think I hadn’t thought about was what if Arya gets one of the dragons? She’s definitely a strong person and is learning all kinds of magic-y stuff.

ASoIaF 5

Soooo many subplots going on– I need to reread once again to remember them all and perhaps imagine even more theories.  I do love this thought of if you could pick a castle/area which one would it be (don’t worry I’m sure Buzzfeed is creating a quiz as we speak.  There already is one if you count this one)

ASoIaF 6

 

Seriously Patrick– we have never met, but agree on so much. Robert so should have been shoved out the moon door with his crazy mother.

ASoIaF7

Don’t worry, there are even more puns to come.

ASoIaF 8

 

Yes, yes I would take Sunspear.

ASoIaF 9

 

I told you the puns just kept coming.  My brothers have a very sharp wit.  Also I should explain: watchlings = people who only watch the series and haven’t read the books.

ASoIaF 9 ASoIaF 10

 

Who do you think Coldhands is?  As soon as I make up my mind something comes along to change it again. Follow up: Do you think Benjen is dead?

ASoIaF 11

 

Any conspiracy theories about the obsidian?

ASoIaF 12

 

There was even more to this thread, but I’m going to stop here.  Do you think Eddard was/could have been a warg too?  Or was this just something the kids had?  I think he probably just didn’t know he could, because not only do all of Ned’s children have this ability, but so does Jon Snow.  If I’m right about Lyanna and Rhaegar and also right about how dragon’s are controlled then that would explain how powerful a warg Jon Snow is.  Jonathan pointed out the obvious hole in my theory: the dragon horn.  If dragons are controlled by wargs then why is there a dragon horn.

My answer?

Option 1.  The horn is just a magical device used for someone who doesn’t have the warging ability, but needs to control a dragon (like dragonfyre when you don’t have a dragon).  This method really sucks for whoever they make blow the horn though.

Option 2. It doesn’t really work. It’s a cursed object that people want to possess and ends up killing them.

I lean towards option 1.

Also there’s always this explanation:

Weigh in if you have a theory you want to share or if you disagree with something that we’ve thrown out.

 

 

Why Game of Thrones should have had 2 more Episodes

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Last week’s episode “The Rains of Castamere” was amazing.  You know when you read a book and then watch the movie and are so disappointed  in the results?  Yeah this was the opposite.  HBO did an amazing job bringing the Red Wedding to life.  Don’t get me wrong even though I knew what was coming it was still painful to watch, but painful in that, “holy crap I can’t believe this is harder to watch than it was to read” kind of way.  I really felt for everyone that was surprised by the wedding results, but I also was glad they were finally filling the deep sadness I had felt when I had initially read that scene.  

Jump to this week and the season finale.  (Some spoilers from this point on if you haven’t watched yet). Continue reading