Historically, marriage has created stability and increased our chances of survival. Marriage is a mindset. Is it feminism, laziness, the legal landscape, or the loss of God that has taken an institution that thrived for centuries and turned it—in the span of 50 years—into an anachronism? We can replace the glue that used to keep marriages together with a greater understanding of how we each work.
Of course, there is no single answer to that question.
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I contend that marriage, though under pressure and, increasingly, out of favor, remains a viable institution. We pair up and we procreate. It is a commitment of such magnitude that it demands great ceremony, enormous thought, and legal recognition. I contend that a workable marriage is still the best means by which to get that done.
It explains how to phrase things in order to span the great hormonal divide men and women often fall into when trying to talk to one another. Some say that marriage is in trouble because we are no longer willing to do the work the institution requires.
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We can revel in the joy of romantic love, but still be practical in its application. We are social creatures who rely on one another for our survival.
I am asking you to decide that marriage matters enough to struggle a bit before your throw up your hands and walk away. It is that toddler who needs constant tler deed to keep him happy, occupied, and safe. Most couples that end up in divorce court get there in a way that is unique to them.
As soon as those women walked out of mariage kitchen, some hiss, the whole thing fell apart. So what's causing so many divorces and, perhaps even more importantly, what are we to do about it if we want marriage to survive? It has served to clarify relationships, as obligations, secure status, construct alliances, move money, and conform to religious tenets.
There was never a time when marriage was entered into for love and couples stayed married because they were happy and fulfilled. Over time we took the fences down, one by one. Yet we still have the nerve to be shocked when we look up and find the makjng has left the grounds.
But now we mostly marry for love. But, as in all of life, practicality is queen.
Making marriage work: new rules for an old institution
Compared to the way we used to work and live just a hundred years ago, we mafriage copious amounts of free time and unparalleled access to things that give us immediate gratification. We can consciously reverse course. However, the makeup and consistency of this job has changed so much over the past few decades that the old rules no longer apply.
Instead, I offer this: Marriage —of the kind that everyone idolizes, that seems to be collapsing all around us, that everyone thinks we need to marirage back to—was never really there. It also discusses the very new and real challenges to marriage created in a culture often overwhelmed by the emphasis on and ability to attain instant gratification. Marriage is a symbol of how serious two people ought to be about the decision to not just two lives, martiage two families, two futures, and two gene pools.
Marriage involves compromise, sacrifice, and—on occasion—a bit of suffering. So what's causing so many divorces and, perhaps even more importantly, what are we to do about it if we want marriage to survive?
We are not rudderless ships in wor, swell created by a sinking institution. It is not something, as the vows say, to be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. We are awash in a sea of alarming revelations about the state of marriage. And I am sure there are other popular theories out there that I failed to mention.
Making marriage work
You cannot take your eyes off of him and let him wander too far away from you. But before we lynnn get to how to do it, though, I have got to get you to believe you can do it. If you say it before the world, solemnize it, set it down on paper, and change your legal status, you are demonstrating the commitment necessary to establish a unit that serves as the center of society and the base of operations for the generation to come.
We have choices.
It suggests specific procedures that should be put in place to bridge marruage gap between head over heels and happily ever after. We have been doing it for thousands of years and we are not going to stop now. Or have we elevated our expectations of marriage so much that it is no longer capable of meeting them? It suggests specific procedures that should be put in place to bridge the gap between head over heels and happily ever after.
You have to keep that two-year-old appropriately engaged and directed. It is all about perspective.
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Why, we now ask ourselves, should I surrender so much of what I want in wrok to receive in return something I can do for myself? But in a society that places such a high premium on happiness and immediate gratification, the great patience that a good marriage requires has lost a lot of its appeal, they argue.
In fact, there is a small but growing orchestra out there playing a requiem for the institution. We now exchange information and ideas at lightning speed. Marriage, Toler says, is a job, and it needs to be treated like one. Now that containment is no longer the answer, we need to engage in active wokr.