Game of Thrones: The Laws of Gods and Men. When Peter Dinklage Proved He Deserved Every Award Ever Made.

Let’s get started:

 

So much awesome happens in this episode, but we start out seeing Stannis and Davos meeting with the Iron Bank asking for financial assistance to defeat the Targaryens.  OK so even I found this whole exchange to be mostly boring and Stannis is an emotionless douche which doesn’t help at all.  So. . .

What the Watchlings Don’t Know:

Cersei at this time, or very shortly after this time, has stopped making payments to the Iron Bank.  Not paying the Iron Bank is like not paying Tony Soprano.  It’s not done if you want to stay alive.  So this scene sets up Stannis receiving backing from Braavos and why this would come about.

The other thing you possibly don’t know is that Davos is an honorable and loyal man.  He sees Stannis as someone who not only saved him from death or a life on the wall, but also raised his family to a position of honor.  Because of this he will stick by Stannis no matter how big of a douche he is.

Cut to Asha or whatever they call her on the show (Yara?) trying to save Theon.  We have now exited the book world and have entered a world totally made up by the writers of the show.  Luckily we have shots of gratuitous sex interspersed within this section to distract us from this. I think I’ve mentioned it before, but Iwan Rheon (Ramsey Snow) is a phenomenal actor.  If you haven’t watched BBC’s Misfits you should just to see him in that as well.

Like seriously, daaaaaamn

What this show the Watchlings:

I really think this was just a set up to show how much damage has been done to Theon and how messed up The Bastard is.  Well mission accomplished.

Now we have to have our moment with Dany.  We see Drogon scaring a shepherd boy and burning and killing sheep which looks awesome.  Drogon has grown and is super scary now.  The Dragons are no longer cute little mascots.  We also see her trying to rule and we see that it sucks to have to do all this.  Now we understand why The Hand takes care of so much for the King in Westeros.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

A shepherd also comes to her claiming that Drogon killed his child and Dany is so horrified that this happened that she begins to take steps to cage her dragons. . .which goes as one would expect. The good news is that they are speeding up this story line a lot so maybe it won’t suck as much as it does in the books.

Ahhhh and now we are getting to the good stuff.  We get a little taste of Oberyn’s sharp tongue and get to see how stupid Cersei is. (Seriously. “baby dragons”?  Yeah things grow. . .sooo they are probably not going to always be baby dragons). Also I feel like Varys is pretty openly showing contempt for her (even though she doesn’t notice) and that Tywin also shows that he knows that his daughter is an idiot.  I think I love Oberyn more in the show than I do in the books.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s great in the books too, but Pedro Pascal really brings the character to life.  I find it interesting that Varys seems to dislike Oberyn.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

I’ve mentioned it before, but it bears saying again.  Oberyn is known as a formidable knight.  He’s in King’s Landing with the expressed interest of getting revenge for the murder of his sister and sister’s children.  And when I say murder I mean that his sister’s infant son had his brains bashed in then she was raped by Gregor Clegane while he still had bits of her son’s brain on his hands.  Then her and her daughter was just as brutally murdered as well.  So he’s got an ax to grind and is biding his time.

Finally we see the trial begin.  Jamie fetches Tyrion and is obviously upset that he is escorting his brother to this farce of a trial.  Jamie has followed what is best for his family all his life, but now he can’t do that without hurting someone who not only is family too, but whom he loves just as fiercely. We watch Tommen adorably step down from the trial and then Tyrion becomes the smartass that we know he is.  One by one people give witness to Tyrion’s motivation to kill Joffery and “proof” that Tyrion did it.  Obviously we know that Tyrion didn’t do it (and so does Margaery and her face is great to watch as all this unfolds). Almost everything that is told is the truth, but with a ridiculous spin on it leaving out all the parts that make them look bad. The final nail in the coffin is Shea’s testimony where she states that she knows that Sansa and Tyrion plotted the death of Joffery because she heard them planning.  She also makes it sound as if Tyrion took advantage of her and she wasn’t really just a whore.

Here’s where is gets really good.  Jamie has tried to fix it up so that Tyrion will live no matter what and he tells Tyrion to hold his tongue and ask to be sent to the wall when he is declared guilty.  So of course Tyrion responds to this with the most epic passion filled speech ever known.  Shea has just ripped his heart out so he lets everyone have it. And it is glorious.

He ended this rousing speech by asking for a trial by combat instead of continuing with this joke.  You can see Jamie wanting to throttle Tyrion for doing all this.  All I can say is that Peter Dinklage made it happen.  You can see the anger, the emotion, you want to cry for him, hug him, tell him that he is loved.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

You pretty much got it all here.  Just know that in two weeks (maybe three) Tyrion will make it happen once more and people will be cheering all across the lands.

The previews for next week promise a lot of action and perhaps some Dany/Daario sex. Maybe we’ll get to see if Emilia Clarke really did declare that she would do no more nude scenes.

Major Character Deaths: 0 (but it’s not looking good for Tyrion)

Boob Count: 3 pairs

Game of Thrones: First of His Name, Where I write a review incredibly late

awest

We start off the episode with Tommen’s coronation.  How cute is he?  There were a few smiles back and forth between Margaery and him that didn’t go unnoticed by Cersei.  Cersei approached Margaery acting as if she wants to become friends with her and Marge responded with this:

Seriously the look on Margaery’s face when she says all of this is how I feel when I’ve thought of an amazing put down and actually use it (as opposed to thinking of it hours after it was appropriate).

What the Watchlings don’t know:

In the books Cersei is seriously pissed off that Margaery is the new queen and she’s been pushed aside.  She still thinks of herself as a young, beautiful, desirable creature and doesn’t like to be reminded she is a widowed mother of three.  The sure fire way to make her mad is to bring up the fact that she’s not Queen anymore.  That makes this cutting remark that much more painful.  Also don’t feel sorry for Cersei.  Never feel sorry for Cersei.  I’ve admitted that I like Jamie even post pushing Bran out the window, but Cersei is a worthless c*$#.  Sorry, but she is and just gets worse.

Cut to Mereen and Dany’s council meeting.  Some are advising her to invade King’s Landing and others are not.  Just notice that Jorah seems to know a good bit about Westeros and that he’s acting weird.  This will be important later.

Jorah does deliver news that all the people she has freed are now slaves again and in worse situations then when they started.  She decides to stay in Mereen and rule.  And become a boring weak character for a while.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Jorah was a spy for Westeros for a long time. (They talked about this in the early seasons, but you were probably still trying to figure out who everyone was). Anyway Barristan was on the small council meaning he knows this little factoid.  So yeah. . .stuff happens.

Switch to the Vale and we get to see Lysa Arryn be a super weirdo.  She evidently never learned that you shouldn’t act like a needy smothering girlfriend to keep a relationship healthy.  We also learned that she killed her husband, not the Lannisters, that she lost her virginity to Petyr a long time ago, that she’s an idiot, she’s super paranoid and jealous and that she likes loud sex.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Lysa treats her son in a very creepy manner.  Yes, you’ve seen the breastfeeding and that he likes to throw things/people out the Moon Door, but you don’t know that he needs someone to sleep with every night and since his mother is not otherwise occupied this duty will fall to Sansa and it’ll be more creepy then you can imagine.  Lysa got pregnant by Petyr all those years ago and her dad gave her tea that would make her lose the baby.  Oh and gave her that tea without her knowing what was going on.  Then made her marry a man that, although he was nice, was old enough to be her grandfather.  She definitely got the short end of the stick.

Lastly, Petyr is even a bigger creeper towards Sansa than we’ve seen on screen.  He is always touching her, moving her hair and trying to be alone with her.  So, yay weird pedo sexual tension.

Back to King’s Landing Cersei and Tywin have a heart to heart where they discuss up coming marriages and how they are evidently broke.  Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t remember this from the books.  Granted the kingdom is broke, but I don’t remember Casterly Rock being destitute.  Anyway this was mostly just a set up for later. Best laid plans and all that you know.

Also we learned The Iron Bank ain’t nothin’ to f^$# with.  They aren’t.  Way more hard core than the Wu Tang Klan.

Oh, and Cersei wants Tyrion to die, but that’s pretty obvious.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

No, you pretty much got this.

 

We have a few couples roaming around the Kingsroad and The Hound and Arya are the most badass.  Arya who has her list of people she plans to kill and The Hound who just desperately wants to protect someone.  He tried helping Sansa, but she was too stupid to realize it and Arya has accepted the help, but has so many trust issues she still thinks he has an ulterior motive.

The Hound hates all knights and what they represent, yet he’s been the most knightly in actions towards the Stark girls.  Well that is unless you remember him splitting Arya’s friend Mycah in half because of Joffery’s lies.  When trying to put together the type of character that would cut a small boy in half and a character that is gentle and protective of girls all I can think is that he’s trying to do better. (Let’s go into my complete made up thoughts for a minute).  Being always with the Lannisters and trying to avoid his insane brother he turned off his emotions and just did what was ordered.  However. then he saw how Ned Stark acted and how his family was treated.  Ned who truly was a knight and lord in every sense of the word.  I would like to think he’s trying to protect the girls in Ned’s place, he just doesn’t know how to not come across as an ass.

OK so that’s all just theory to me, but I also love that he pointed out that the first sword of Braavos wouldn’t have been killed by Meryn Trant.  So maybe I am right about my other theory.

They argue, Arya  tries to stab him with her sword and it doesn’t pierce his armor.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Ahh there’s not a lot that you don’t know except what’s about to happen next. So just keep watching.  Their plot line definitely is progressing unlike other strong female characters I know.

Poor Pod and his attempts to take care of Brienne.  This scene I think was mainly to show the two bonding and to prove to Brienne that Pod really is trying to do the best he can.  I love these scenes, but wonder what the watchlings think of them.  Are they boring?  Funny?  Really they are great, but more to see the book character’s come to life than anything.

What the Watchlings Don’t Know:

Big things are coming up for this pair as well.  The only other thing that you don’t know is that both characters are broken, unloved people that got a taste of happiness only to get put on the road again.  Pod was mistreated all his life until he met Tyrion and Brienne was mocked and scorned her whole life until she met Catelyn and Jamie.

Cersei shows back up trying to make everyone feel sorry for her again.  Here’s the thing she seems to have forgotten though: Her dad ordered his sister and sister’s kids killed.  Then they were sliced in half, head bashed in, or raped.  Yeah that’s not something you’re going to get over with a slightly weepy talk about missing your daughter.  Plus it’s probably going to backfire on you. Just sayin’

What the Watchlings Don’t Know:

Cersei is insane.  Like certifiable. Plus she conveniently forgets about all the horrible things her family has done to others.  Never feel sorry for Cersei.

Finally we get to see what’s going on in Craster’s Keep.  Ferb Jojen still looks like he has a really bad case of the flu, plus that fire can’t be good for his hand.  Oh wait.

The traitor that Bolton sent to the Wall leads an attack on the Keep sneaking off to kidnap Bran.  Jon and his men make short work of the traitors with some graphic violence and it looks bad for Bran and the others.  Then when all looks lost Bran wargs into Hodor.  Yeah, why didn’t he do that before?

I don’t care who you are you have to feel sorry for Hodor when he wakes up and realizes that he’s a murderer. Such a gross thing to wake up to. Seriously he should have warged sooner and avoided some of the death and destruction.

Both the wolves are reunited with their masters and the Night’s Watch burn down Craster’s Keep and all the dead.  The wives/daughters/granddaughters of Craster go their own way.

What the Watchlings don’t Know

OK none of this crap is in the books.  Bran does warg into Hodor some, but just be able to walk again or to be able to see what’s going on in a place that he can’t reach.  Summer does get a little hurt at one point, but Summer and Ghost aren’t captured because they are f-ing direwolves that would rip their captor’s throats out.  Once again– just sayin’.

There was a lot of set up in this episode so just wait until everything comes to fruition.  Lots of drama/violence/surprises. And lets get real, probably lots of sex too.

Major Character Deaths: 0

Boob Count: 0

Jaqen H’ghar: A Man Must Have a Backstory

Jaqen H’ghar

The Man:

Jaqen shows up for the first time in the group of recruits taken from Kings Landing to go serve on the Wall.  He was one of three that were taken from the “black cells” in the dungeon– where only the worst criminals were kept.  He and the other two are kept in a cage during the time they were traveling with Yoren and the others.

Of Jaqen’s crimes we know nothing.  He appears as a criminal and obviously a bad one.  The other two, although they look more ferocious, appear to be scared of Jaqen (maybe the . After helping Arya get away from Harrenhall he changes his appearance magically, gives Arya that coin that gets her to Braavos and then disappears. It seems that he went to Oldtown and kills a Citadel novice named Pate and takes his place.

Catch phrase:  A man [knows, needs a name, needs a face, must die]

Theories: Ok there are a few big ones here, but my favorite is that Jaqen and Syrio Forel are one in the same.  Syrio is from Braavos and Jaqen sends Arya on the road to Braavos so that she can become one of the Faceless too (or at least have the opportunity to train as one).  It never states that Syrio was killed by Meryn Trant only that he slowed Arya’s would be captors down long enough for her to get away.  Therefore if he wasn’t killed, but just captured, he would have been placed in the Black Cells .  The Black Cells are reserved for only the most dangerous criminals which  Syrio definitely would have been classified as if he had been able to kill all those guards and continue to fight a member of the Kingsguard without a sword.

So say that Syrio was placed in the Black Cells, then changed his appearance once he got there (or once he realized he had a way out with Yoren) then became Jaqen H’ghar.  Jaqen definitely shows a good bit of interest in Arya even when she was disguised as a boy.  Arya says that Jaqen was like Syrio, but different so maybe she even saw it even though she didn’t know what she was seeing.

Now why would a faceless man be working as a dancing master for the Starks?  Perhaps he was just in the area and thought it would be advantageous to take the offered job.  Or maybe he was in King’s Landing to assassinate someone and a position in the Hand of the King’s household helped him gain access.  Or perhaps Varys placed him in the Stark household for his own reasons. Whichever way, I feel that Syrio/Jaqen would see it as his duty to protect Arya when the Lannisters came to seize her.

Continuing on with this theory, if they are the same person then Syrio has already once freed Arya which left her on her own and vulnerable so I could see why he wouldn’t want to try to free her from the relative safety of Harrenhall.  True she was beaten and mistreated, but she was fed and clothed.  Life on the Kingsroad was fraught with more peril than that.

It is established in both Bran’s storyline and Jon Snow’s storyline that wargs can sense each other once they know what to look for so perhaps Syrio felt this power in the Starks which increased his desire to assist Arya survive. Even if the theory is complete bunk Jaqen would have seen it in Arya and maybe his assassination of Weese via dog was an attempt to have her reveal her power to him.

After Arya tricked him into freeing her Jaqen may have felt his debt/responsibility to her house was finished which would explain his giving her the coin and then leaving her instead of helping her safely to her family.

There is one more theory about Jaqen that I feel is worth a mention.  Some think that he is Daario Naharis. I see some possibility to this theory, he appears after Arya is freed from Harrenhall, but I also see a lot of issues.  He is the commander of the Stormcrows and yes he could have worked his way up the ladder with well placed killings, but this seems like it would have been a lengthy process.  So if he is Daario I see no way he could also be the man appearing as Pate in Oldtown.  I feel like it would be a one or the other situation and don’t feel so confident with all of Daario’s actions as to think he is the same person as the cunning Jaqen or the talented Syrio.

What do you think?  Total crap or plausible? Do you have other theories about Jaqen?

 

Game of Thrones: Oathkeeper. When the readers became shocked and confused.

brienne

This episode started out with Daenerys capturing Mereen in a slightly downplayed manner.  Yeah it was just as boring in the books.  I would like to say that I love Dany, but from here on out in the books I found her story tedious to say the least.  So since we’ve seen them add dimensions to the story lines maybe they will do the same for Dany– or at least speed this process up. Cathy (my blogging partner on these posts) was somewhat disappointed that we didn’t get to see any form of fighting when Daenerys takes over Maureen. I mean, not even a tiny bit. She has unsullied, dragons, Daario…we could have seen just a few people get stabbed or something. Oh well, I guess we’ll have to blame shooting schedule or budget or something. Point is, Daenerys now controls Maureen.

The scene with Grey Worm was nice though.  I really like the actor they picked for him and he brings life to the Unsullied.  Out of all the mistreated characters in the books I always felt sorry for the Unsullied.  For those not in the know, the Unsullied were taken young and taught to fight from a young age.  Some of the things they had to do was raise a puppy then kill it with their own hands, and take a baby from a mother and kill it.  Yeah, you know, nothing that would scar you for life.

She also doled out justice to the Mereen masters and as much as I love Barristan the Bold I side with Dany on the type of justice that was given.

Maybe they can also confirm this aunt/nephew relationship since they spilled the beans on so many other things this episode.  Jon Snow is Rheagar’s son.  It is known.

Cut to Bronn training with Jamie .  I really like Bronn.  In the books he’s very much a secondary character and I like that they combined him with some other characters to make him more memorable on the show.  Bronn laid out some truths that Jamie needed to hear.  Jamie’s and Tyrion’s relationship is one of my favorites.  As much as Cersei hates Tyrion Jamie loves him.  Jamie has been pretty much the only person that Tyrion has always been able to count on.

Which led to this touching scene.  And I’m being serious about that.  This episode showed many times the man that Jamie has become since being released from Catelyn Stark. I really really wish they’d left the “rape” out of last week’s episode.  That is not who Jamie really is.

Tyrion is such a great guy– which makes me believe even more that he’s not really a Lannister.

Next up we see Littlefinger being Littlefinger.  Gah he is such a sleaze. He’s going to marry Lysa aka– trying to figure out how to get in Sansa’s skirts.  He does shed some light on Joffery’s death though and confirms what even the books haven’t confirmed yet.  He had a hand in the murder, but was helping out someone else.  Some one powerful.  Low and behold:

Whaaat??  Once again this is something that I’d suspected/known-ish for a while, but the books hadn’t out and out confirmed it yet. We set up that whole “Clue” post last week thinking that it was going to take a while for the true killer to be revealed and, nope.  You gotta love the Queen of Thorns.  She’s more honorable and more cunning than any Lannister.  And evidently also a ho from her other story that she told Margaery during this stroll.

Meanwhile up on the Wall people are conspiring to do bad things to Jon Snow– between the people that just don’t like him and Locke who is trying to find out where Bran and Rikkon are Jon has danger on all sides, but doesn’t know it yet.  Jon is pretty smart though so I don’t fear too much for him right now.

We also had a scene between Jamie and Cersei showing her for the drunk bitch that she is.  Seriously– WHY did they have Jamie rape her last week??  He is trying to become honorable again and she is on a path in the opposite direction.  Out of all the Lannisters Cersei is the most crazy.  Perhaps it would have been different if her mother had lived and she hadn’t looked up to her father her whole life.

Margaery taking a page from her grandmother’s book visits Tommen at night, which could have been super creepy and gross, but instead showed off her amazing manipulation skills.  She shows Tommen kindness and nurtures his sweet nature.  Way to go Margaery.

In the books Tommen is pretty young.  Younger than he is here, so in this instance I’m really glad they deviated from the books.  I would be super creeped out if he was the kid that he should have been.

Now we come to the good parts.  Jamie and Brienne. Brienne is obviously in love with Jamie, but what they don’t touch on in the show is that Jamie has some not so pure thoughts/feelings about Brienne.  I won’t say he loves her or anything, but she’s definitely helped him to become the better man that he’s turning into. I think both Catelyn Stark and Brienne have reminded Jamie of what it was like when he had honor and he wants to live like that again.  Jamie has had to make so many hard choices in life and I think he wants to choose what is right from now on.

Plus we get to see Pod and Brienne set off together.  This upcoming story line is great. It’s humorous and touching and everything you could hope for.

Love. It.

Now we get our obligatory boob scene and get to see how the mutineers are faring at Caster’s keep.  We also find out that Ghost is being held captive.  Now I don’t remember any of this in the books, but it could be that I’m forgetting something.  I know Ghost was separated from him for a while, but I don’t see him allowing himself to be captured.  Ghost is more of a “rip your throat out” kind of wolf.  This is where the show is deviating pretty strongly from the books, but as we know from this documentary GRRM is overseeing a lot of the show so he has to approve right?

After Summer gets hurt everyone goes on the worst creeping mission ever.  I’m disappointed in Meera– after all she’s supposed to know all about the woods and then goes stomping out not looking where she’s going.  Also lets talk about Jojen.

Cathy says it best:

You know what I don’t understand? Theoretical physics. Know what else I don’t understand? Why Jojen was sweating like it was August in south Texas, when it was -30 out. Yeah, I know he was getting ready to have a green dream, but seriously, why all the sweat? He looked like he was a part of a bad outbreak movie.

Yes!  And NO ONE noticed!  Everyone is going on like normal until he collapses foaming at the mouth.  Come on guys– you weren’t wondering why he was pouring sweat in the snow? We are now to assume that Jon will save Bran and the others when he raids Craster’s Keep, but that is a total deviation from the books.  Yes Sam knew that Bran was alive, but he didn’t tell Jon.  Coldhands (who we haven’t met yet– even though we should have already) made him swear to keep it a secret.

OK now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way let me talk about what the show added that I was confused about while watching the episode, but now am cool with.  We got to see The Others take Craster’s son and turn him into one of them.  At first I thought– “what the crap!? Why did that add all of that?” but the more I thought about it and after a little research (and a friend talking over all of this with me) I realized a few things.

In the books the Others are called “Craster’s Sons” by Craster’s wives, but I always just thought of that as a figure of speech since he gave them up to the Others.  I had assumed they ate the babies or the babies just froze to death. However when you go back and reread some of the passages and pair it with what we saw last night then it appears that this is all Craster’s fault.  HE has been supplying new White Walkers for this huge army of Walkers.

Gilly was crying. “Me and the babe. Please. I’ll be your wife, like I was Craster’s.

Please, ser crow. He’s a boy, just like Nella said he’d be. If you don’t take him, they will.”

 “They?” said Sam, and the raven cocked its black head and echoed, “They. They. They.”

 “The boy’s brothers,” said the old woman on the left.

“Craster’s sons. The white cold’s rising out there, crow. I can feel it in my bones.

These poor old bones don’t lie. They’ll be here soon, the sons.”

Before I had seen this as just superstitious talk of scared Wildlings.  Yes we know there are really White Walkers, but they haven’t been seen for so long that the Wildlings have just made things up about them, or remembered incompletely.  However, after watching this segment of the Walkers turning the babe into one of their own so it will obviously still grow and change in it’s new state, George was telling us all along where the evil was coming from.

So I’m going to throw out a couple of theories and one of them will include a HUGE HUGE book five spoiler, so don’t continue unless you are up to date on the books.

1. Maybe Coldhands is Benjen Stark.  I hadn’t ever thought so, but thought he was an older Stark.  But what if they had tried to make him a Walker (not a wight like the other dead zombie like creatures) and he had been able to slow/stop the process so that now he isn’t human yet isn’t a mindless evil thing.  I’m not stuck on this theory, but I’m interested to see Coldhands whenever he shows up (hopefully they don’t cut him out of the show).

2. When Jon Snow is laying stabbed and dying at the end of the 5th book he begins to feel the cold.  So maybe it’s not his death that he feels coming, but the Others coming to attack the wall and the attack would then distract his attackers and allow the Red Woman (or someone else) to save Jon’s life.  I kinda think he dies all the way here though and the Red Woman brings him back and therefore he’s fulfilled his oath to the Night’s Watch, but these are all just theories.  I can go on and on about my Jon Snow theories.

What did you think?  What are your predictions for next week?  Why the #(@*#! did the previews for next week show Arya stabbing The Hound in the stomach with Needle??

See you next week!

Major Character Deaths: 0

Boob Count: 2 pair

Game of Thrones, Breaker of Chains: Tyrion in the Courtyard with the Poison

tyrion

We got to see a good many things last night and many scenes that will change the way we think about characters from here on out.  Below are mine and Cathy’s thoughts, suspicions and theories.  Cathy’s words are in normal typeset and mine are in bold.  Enjoy and as always there are spoilers galore (both from the show and from the books– I try to give extra warning for book spoilers).

This season is quickly shaping up to be a gigantic game of Clue. We know the weapon, poison.  We know the where, the wedding reception. We don’t however know the who.

The Suspects:

Tyrion: Cersei had Tyrion arrested at the end of episode two. He handed Joffrey the cup of wine which is presumably where the poison was. Joffrey pointed to him while he was dying, but being one of the only people in Joffrey’s direct line of sight, that’s not unexpected.  My favorite scene from last night’s episode was the scene between Podrick and Tyrion. We now know for sure Tyrion had nothing to do with Joffrey’s poisoning, he says so himself. I believe Tyrion is one of the few characters we can fully believe. Podrick fills Tyrion in on who has been appointed judges for his trial, and confesses that he’s been offered a knighthood if he’ll testify against Tyrion, but staying true to his Lord, Podrick refused. Fearful for what they’ll do to Podrick, Tyrion tells Pod to testify against him, that he doesn’t want Pod to potentially be killed for him.

Cersei has hated Tyrion since their mother died giving birth to him (or did she?  As in perhaps Tyrion was the result of an affair and Tywin– this is a long shot, but I’m still throwing it out there).  As both Cathy and Tyrion pointed out though if Tyrion was going to kill the King he would have done it in a way that didn’t implicate himself.  Tyrion is smarter than that.  Oh and I second the statement that the best part of the episode was the scene between Pod and Tyrion.

Olenna Tyrell: Grannie’s been maneuvering her house up through the ranks. Her house is considerably more important now that her granddaughter married the King, and she helped finance part of the war. Now that Joffrey’s dead, she’s protected her granddaughter from a hellish marriage. The only sticking point is Margaery’s status as Queen. The marriage wasn’t consummated yet, so is Margaery really queen? If Olenna was behind the murder, one would think she would have waited and poisoned Joffrey’s breakfast the next morning.

OK I’m going to disagree a little with Cathy here.  This is who I think killed Joffery (if only there was an envelope full of cards I could check).  She knew what Joffery was and his death BEFORE consummation leaves them in a strong position to negotiate a marriage between her and Tommen.  Margaery was able to marry Joffery because her marriage with Renly wasn’t ever consummated and it would be even creepier than it already is for her to marry Tommen if she’s already had sex.  Of course we haven’t found out exactly who did this in the books yet so it’s anyone’s guess.

 

Oberyn Martell: The Lannisters’ men killed his sister. He made it clear from episode one that he wants revenge for his sister’s death. We learned last night that he studied poisons at the Citadel. Did he use his knowledge to kill Joffrey and avenge his sister? He told Tywin he wouldn’t be that obvious, but Joffrey certainly would be a wonderful way to hit the Lannisters where it hurts. In a surprising turn of events, Tywin offers an alliance to Oberyn; however we never see them agree to it. Did Oberyn accept Tywin’s offer, we’ll have to wait to find out.

Oberyn has a serious ax to grind, but I also don’t believe that he would kill Joffery in this fashion.  I see him more as someone who would derive more pleasure out of stabbing someone through the heart.  Also they Martells hold Cersei’s daughter in Dorne so could inflict more pain that way.

Oberyn 

OK I’m going to add some suspects that Cathy didn’t mention.  

Mace Tyrell: In the books it is implied that the poison was contained in a hairnet that Sansa got from her fool and that the stone with the poison was removed during the wedding feast and slipped into Joffery’s drink.  But what if the poison was in the cup all along, but was covered up by something that had to slowly dissolve?  Mace gave him the cup (in the show– I don’t really remember this from the book, but I might have just forgotten this).

 

Margaery Tyrell: She also knew who Joffery really was and didn’t want to marry him.  I feel like she was at least complicit in his murder even if she didn’t put the poison in the cup herself.  Of course she came out smelling like a Rose no matter how you look at this.

Littlefinger: Varys once said “Littlefinger would burn the kingdom down if it meant he could sit on a throne of ashes.” Petyr wants power, and we know he’s not afraid to play both sides to get it. I’ve always believed he’s a character that should never be ignored. Even his absence in the story is important. He’s ALWAYS up to something. We learned last night he was behind Dontos sneaking Sansa out of the party. How did he know that something would happen at the party to allow for Sansa to escape? I don’t believe for one second he really cares about helping Sansa get to safety. He has a plan to use her in some scheme to help him get closer to the throne.

Littlefinger is someone that I really really dislike.  Every now and then he does something awesome (cause in reality Sansa probably would have died if she had stayed in the capital and then later he will do something with a Moon Door that I also approve of). Mostly everything else that he does is super creepy or to further his own agenda.  The show has touched on it, but he was super duper in love with Catelyn and is now trying to fulfill his fantasies through Sansa. 

Sansa: Joffrey has terrorized her for years. Did she finally snap? No. She’s an idiot. I feel bad for her, but Sansa’s too stupid to have orchestrated the poisoning. If you’ve read the books, you’ll know what I’m talking about. The show makes her look halfway intelligent. The “real” Sansa is a spoiled moron. She’s definitely been used in the plot to kill Joffrey, she just doesn’t realize it.

Seriously she’s an idiot. I think the reason that watchlings don’t release how horrible she is is that it’s hard to convey that those tortured looks she has are because she’s feeling sorry for herself.  Since Arya disappeared she’s spent maybe 30 minutes worried about her and hours and hours blaming her for things.  She was sad about her Dad, Mom and brother, but not too bothered.  She’s weak.  She’s annoying and doesn’t seem like she’s ever going to die.

Is the killer one of these people, a combination of these people, or someone entirely different? One thing’s for sure, it wasn’t Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick.

There is more to the world than that’s going on in King’s Landing. We see Jon taking more of a leadership role at the wall; Arya’s brief feeling of camaraderie towards the Hound has gone; and Daenerys is off freeing slaves. On that note, let’s all give a slow clap to Daario for his sweet moves last night.

 

Yummmmmm. For those of you that don’t know Daario Naharis’s knives have naked women on the hilt and he likes to rub and kiss their breasts which Dany finds sexy.  I can see why she’s attracted to him. Jorah now?  Poor Jorah.

And the only only other thing I can say about Dany is enjoy the story line now because it’s about to get boring. 

Also for all you non-readers out there:

Major Character Deaths: 0

Boob Count: 2 pairs (it seemed like more though didn’t it?)

EDIT!

WARNING– EXTRA SPOILERS

One last thing I forgot to mention.  I was disappointed in the scene where Jamie rapes Cersei.  In the books it does in fact happen much like that except it is consensualJamie has changed a lot since he was captured and then released by the Starks.  This scene with Cersei was kind of a goodbye to his love with her.  Also in the books this happened right when he got back.  Joffery died during his journey with Brienne so there hasn’t been all this tension between him and his family.  That comes later. I just feel like the added rape seriously damages his character.  True he’s already thrown a small boy off a tower, but this has jacked it up a notch.  I actually felt sorry for Cersei and believe me no one should sympathize with Cersei right now.

The Lion and The Rose: The Purple Wedding

Another week and another Game of Thrones wedding.  Let’s just go ahead and say if you have not watched last night’s episode stop reading now!  As always this post will be full to the brim of spoilers so you have been warned.

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The Lovely Couple

Before we start with the wedding lovelies let’s talk about all the other random scenes that didn’t seem important now. Well at least to those who don’t know what’s coming.  The episode started out with a hunt involving The Bastard Ramsey Snow, some chick named Miranda that I for the life of me can’t place who she is or where she’s come from, Reek– the artist formally known as Theon Greyjoy and their prey– a poor, short lived girl.

We got to see the girl get chased down, shot by Miranda and then get eaten to death by Ramsey’s dogs.  The changes in Reek are very obvious in this episode.  He’s timid, beaten, and too scared to fight back.  As much as I hated Theon he never deserved all that The Bastard has done to him.

Stepping outside of the box though I just want to say the actor that plays The Bastard (Iwan Rheon) is one of my favorite actors.  He was both parts creepy and heroic on Misfits and I’m both scared and excited to see him continue with this role.  He will be one of the great villains this story needs.

Things you need to know about The Bastard:  He’s scary (yeah I know you know that).  Scary as in he scares Roose Bolton and if you can scare a man that would kill his King at a Wedding in exchange for Winterfell that’s saying something.  Also there has been a ton of torture and nastiness that you haven’t gotten to see.  He’s also about to have a wedding, at least if they stick to the books, however not as exciting a one as you’d hope.

AN DA SHEALLADH<br /><br />
[noun]<br /><br />
"the two sights," meaning normal sight, and the sight of the seer - i.e. “second sight” - the involuntary ability of seeing the future or distant events; the supposed power to perceive things that are not present to the senses.<br /><br />
Etymology: Gaelic, from the Scottish Highlands.<br /><br />
[Stanley Lau]

We also got to see Bran this go round and feel his frustration.  One thing they did show, but I don’t think explain well was what happened when Bran touched the Heart Tree.  So:

What you need to know about Bran:  when he is hooked up to the Weirwood he can see what any heart tree has seen, wherever, whenever.  There’s a lot more to it then that, but that’s why he saw his dad and all those other images.

We also see some scenes with The Red Witch and Stannis.  Stannis’ wife is gleefully watching her brother burn to death.  Needless to say there are some issues there, but mostly we are just being reminded that they still exist and stuff is about to happen there.

Now let’s move on to the hard stuff.  Cathy will join me for this part of the discussion.

I found this next set of images on Tumblr and I thought it showed more than I could explain:

This photo set speaks to a book theory that I’ll talk about at the end, but I thought it was fitting here.

How many of you cheered out loud at the end of this episode?

Joffrey (Lannister) Baratheon 286AL-300AL

“Golden lads and girls all must, as chimney-sweepers, come to dust. “ Cymbeline (1611), Act IV, scene 2. Song, line 262.

Cathy:

I remember throwing the book across the room when I read the Red Wedding, and I refused to continue reading for a few days. In stark contrast, never in all of literature or film have I ever been happier when a character died than when Joffrey did.

I relished in the happiness until I realized that Tyrion was going to be blamed for his death. Oddly enough, Tryion’s journey after this moment is one of my favorite character subplots. I’m very excited to see how the show portrays his journey.

Joffrey dying is going to have the same effect as Ned dying.  The storylines of the denizens of Westeros are going to be shaken up, people will be scattered across the realm, and much chaos will ensue.  I for one cannot wait.

If you’ve read the books, you know who slipped Joffrey the poison. If not, I won’t spoil it. One detail I noticed was that after Joffrey cuts the pie with the sword, the camera focuses on some dead birds in the pie. I was wondering if that was a clue that the poison in the show’s version was in the pie, not the wine as it is in the book. I’m not a stickler for keeping everything the same between show and book, if it was in the pie, then that’s a fun little change for the show. We shall see.

OK me again.  Joffery needed to die. So therefore I was worried that he therefore would live a long and happy life killing whores in his room with crossbows.  Once again I’m going to issue a warning.  If you are a watchling (aka someone who hasn’t read the books) I’d recommend you stop reading now as I’m going to throw out some theories that if you haven’t read through book 5 will ruin some things for you.

I’ll give you time to navigate away and just post this other awesome photo set:

So much emotion.  Too bad in reality Sansa is still a clueless twat.

OK back to those theories and spoilers.  We see Margaery’s grandmother go up and straighten Sansa’s necklace (which took place of the hairnet in the books) and what I didn’t notice last night, but expected was this:

Something’s missing

We see a jewel missing from Sansa’s necklace.  A jewel that is in fact the poison that kills Joffery.  My assumption?  The grandmother takes the jewel here, then passes it off to Margaery  who slips it in Joff’s cup between his drink before cutting the pie and the drink he has after his first bite.  After all Margaery is the one that takes the cup from Joff and sets it down on the table while the pie is being cut.

Ser Dontos runs off with Sansa setting her off on her next adventure.  An adventure full of just as much excitement as before.

So about what I said about the Tyrion/Sansa photoset.  It is stated in the books numerous times anytime someone is exceptionally gallant that they are like Rhaegar.  Jamie and Cersei have little honor (Jamie much more than Cersei), Tywin has absolutely no honor either.  So where does Tyrion’s honor and sense of morality come from?

In the books it’s stated that The Mad King was unduly interested in Tywin’s late wife and that Tywin resigned as Hand quickly and returned to Casterly Rock.  My thoughts?  Perhaps the Mad King raped or more likely had an affair with Tywin’s wife and Tyrion is the result of that.  The holes in this theory are that I would think that Tywin would have killed Tyrion as an infant if that was the case, but also Tywin is in it for the long game so maybe Tyrion was meant to be kept as insurance against the Targaryens.

Tyrion does talk about his fascination with dragons a lot so perhaps one of Dany’s dragons will end up being his.

What are your thoughts on my theories?  I have many many more– mostly involving Jon Snow– but we’ll get to those later.

 

 

Up next: Where is Dontos taking Sansa, what will happen to Tyrion, who else is going to die?

Join us again next week!

 

Major Character Deaths: 1

Boob Count: 0 (WHAT?!)

Game of Thrones: Two Swords Season 4 Premier

arya

Finally!  Game of Thrones has returned!  This week I asked a friend of mine from college to help me with the review of the premier. Cathy does science-y stuff at Vanderbilt and is a huge ASoIaF fan and will be adding to my Game of Thrones reviews throughout the season.

My name’s Cathy and I’ve been into sci-fi for a long time, but I will admit, other than Lord of the Rings, I hadn’t read much in the fantasy genre until HBO released Game of Thrones. After seeing the first season, I devoured the books, and like most, am eagerly awaiting The Winds of Winter.

The night started out with me running in place, pointing at the TV, and squealing about Game of Thrones being back. Ok, not really, but I wanted to. Our long wait is finally over!

Season three left us in a state of mourning for the Stark family and their banner men. Arya was heartbreakingly close to being reunited with her family, until the Hound rescued her from being a victim of the Red Wedding along with her mother and brother. The war is seemingly over, Bolton has been named Warden of the North, while his bastard Ramsey has been busy cutting off pieces of Theon Greyjoy. After receiving “Theon Jr.” in the mail, his sister has gathered the Iron Born to stage a rescue attempt. Jon Snow made it back to Castle Black after being shot three times by a betrayed Ygritte, and we were left waiting an entire year to find out if he will survive his injuries. Stannis is moving his army north to help the Night’s Watch defend the wall, while somewhere in a row boat on the sea, Gendry is making his way back to King’s Landing. Speaking of King’s Landing, Jamie (sans right hand) and Brienne have made it back just in time for Joffrey and Margaery to get married.

Oh how the chess board has changed! Bring on Season 4!

I thought the opening of season 4 was the best so far. We are greeted with Twyin Lanister melting down Ice into two new swords; while he throws the wolf casing on the fire and watches it burn. Love. It. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no fan of the Lannister’s but that scene helped illustrate just how nefarious Tywin Lannister is. Hey, Arielle here, I just wanted to add that it seems like they were reinforcing how horrible Tywin is at every turn this episode.  He belittles his favorite son, Tyrion has to try to live with a woman that Tywin arranged to have her family brutally murdered, Tyrion also has to deal with The Red Viper (Oberyn Martell) who wants revenge for Tywin’s actions from years previous and while Tyrion is cleaning up his messes Tywin still treats him with contempt. This is all topped off with the images of Ice being melted down.  Ice which should have been returned to the Starks no matter what.  Mormont got his family blade back after his son was banished, Ned took The Sword of the Morning’s sword back to his family after killing him during his “rescue” of Lyanna.  It’s super shady that Tywin not only kept the sword but melted it down into something else.

While we’re on the subject of Tywin, I thought the scene between Tywin and Tyrion was brilliantly acted, and very foretelling. In a move that should win Tywin a “World’s Greatest Dad” goblet, Tywin tells his son that he wanted to drown him in the river after he was born, but because Tyrion carried the Lannister name, he didn’t do it. Wow. How much more abuse is Tyrion going to take? His role in saving King’s Landing during the Battle of the Blackwater was accredited to his coward brat nephew, whose brave contribution to the battle was to basically pee his pants and hide. He’s been verbally abused by his family his entire life, blamed for the death of his mother, forced to marry someone he didn’t want to, etc.  Is the time coming when Tyrion shows his family just what he’s capable of? We shall see.

As far as his two siblings this episode; Jamie gets a new hand, Cersi gets drunk. There was an interesting exchange between Cersi and her Maester. She thanks him for the medicine he’s given her, and is very tight lipped when Jamie asks her about it. Hmmmm…Could this have something to do with her scheme to not marry Loras?

This episode introduces us to two new characters, Prince Oberyn Martell and his paramour Ellaria Sand. They have travelled to King’s Landing under the pretense of attending Joffery’s wedding, however we quickly learn that Oberyn houses a deep hatred for the Lannisters. He’s there to enact revenge for the death of his beloved sister Elia and her children at the hands of the Mountain and on the orders of Tywin Lannister. Something tells me that any ole Lannister isn’t going to do for Oberyn. He’s harbored his hatred for a very long time; he’s going to want to hit someone that’s going to hurt the Lannister’s deeply. Which Lion(s) he goes after will be exciting to see.

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My new favorite team is the Hound and Arya. I feel like they need their own comic book. The two of them roaming the land, fighting crime, and just being awesome badasses. Who didn’t laugh last night when the Hound stabbed that guy in the balls?  You know you’d read it.  Seriously though, we’re starting to  see Arya grow into the person she’s going to become. She hardened by the tragedies she’s experienced, she’s wiser, and she’s seeking revenge towards the people who have hurt her family and friends. We see her regain Needle from Polliver, stare him down, and very calmly repeat his own words back to him before she stabs him in the throat. She has one name crossed off her prayer list. Who will be next? OK here I am again– I just want to add that just as I am disturbed when Joffery kills for fun I was somewhat put off by the glee with which Arya killed.  That little smile on her face was disturbing, but I also found myself cheering her on for being able to defend herself and help The Hound kill people that obviously needed killing.  I wonder how I will feel about seeing (as opposed to reading about) her journey to come.

Lastly, I want to address a small moment that I think will have a bigger impact down the line. Dontos giving Sansa the necklace. The only other time we’ve met Dontos was in the second season when he showed up drunk to a duel, sentenced to death by Joffery  only to be saved by Sansa. He’s stripped of his knighthood and made a court fool. Why bring back a character that we’ve forgotten about? Why make a big deal of him giving Sansa his mother’s necklace? We’re going to see more of him, he’s going to be important. I’m assuming the necklace is replacing the silver jeweled hairnet that she received from him in the books.- A

 

The last thing I (Arielle) will add to this discussion is that it was interesting to see Jon Snow start to take charge of The Wall and see Maester Aemon listen to him.  Which of course one Targaryen would listen to another–amirite?! 🙂

Until next week friends!

~C~

Episode Boob Count: 2 pairs

Major character death count: 0

 

The GREATEST “A Song of Ice and Fire” Thread Ever.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything about ASoIaF, but have you ever been part of a conversation that just needed to be shared with the world?

WARNING! THERE ARE SOME SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T READ ALL THE BOOKS.

Previously I posted this about some of my theories:

Capture

 

I have since expanded that theory to say that Jon Snow not only was calling out to Ghost, Wun Wun, the boar, but also to his dragon.  Because Viserion is totally his dragon.  And I’m really serious about the kitten thing.  Princess Rhaenys has to be super crazy by now, but how awesome would it be if she figured out how to warg back into a human?  If only she had warged into Cercei before her fall.  Then a Targaryen would have been pretty much ruling Westeros again and that would have been awesome.

My oldest brother finished the 5th book yesterday (he was late to the game, but he’s all important doing smart stuff so I guess I’ll let it slide) and he posted this today which led to the best thread ever.

AsoIaF 1

 

 

OK it starts out pretty tame– I think everyone agrees that he’s Lyann’s and Rhaegar’s son (if you don’t please post who you think is and why.  I would seriously love to know).  Let’s continue:

ASoIaF 2

 

 

I pretty much agree with everything Patrick is saying here except for the Bran riding a dragon part.  I see him living out his life growing into a tree watching through the eyes of crows and weirwoods.  I’m also going to be seriously disappointed if Jon Snow ends up being someone totally normal.  And then there is “There must always be a Stork at Waterfall.” Yes.

ASoIaF 3

 

If Rickon shows back up in the fashion that Daniel suggests that would just be. . .amazingly wonderful.

ASoIaF 4

Patrick hits some good points again although I think Tyrion has a better likelihood of being a Targaryen then Jamie and Cercei.  One think I hadn’t thought about was what if Arya gets one of the dragons? She’s definitely a strong person and is learning all kinds of magic-y stuff.

ASoIaF 5

Soooo many subplots going on– I need to reread once again to remember them all and perhaps imagine even more theories.  I do love this thought of if you could pick a castle/area which one would it be (don’t worry I’m sure Buzzfeed is creating a quiz as we speak.  There already is one if you count this one)

ASoIaF 6

 

Seriously Patrick– we have never met, but agree on so much. Robert so should have been shoved out the moon door with his crazy mother.

ASoIaF7

Don’t worry, there are even more puns to come.

ASoIaF 8

 

Yes, yes I would take Sunspear.

ASoIaF 9

 

I told you the puns just kept coming.  My brothers have a very sharp wit.  Also I should explain: watchlings = people who only watch the series and haven’t read the books.

ASoIaF 9 ASoIaF 10

 

Who do you think Coldhands is?  As soon as I make up my mind something comes along to change it again. Follow up: Do you think Benjen is dead?

ASoIaF 11

 

Any conspiracy theories about the obsidian?

ASoIaF 12

 

There was even more to this thread, but I’m going to stop here.  Do you think Eddard was/could have been a warg too?  Or was this just something the kids had?  I think he probably just didn’t know he could, because not only do all of Ned’s children have this ability, but so does Jon Snow.  If I’m right about Lyanna and Rhaegar and also right about how dragon’s are controlled then that would explain how powerful a warg Jon Snow is.  Jonathan pointed out the obvious hole in my theory: the dragon horn.  If dragons are controlled by wargs then why is there a dragon horn.

My answer?

Option 1.  The horn is just a magical device used for someone who doesn’t have the warging ability, but needs to control a dragon (like dragonfyre when you don’t have a dragon).  This method really sucks for whoever they make blow the horn though.

Option 2. It doesn’t really work. It’s a cursed object that people want to possess and ends up killing them.

I lean towards option 1.

Also there’s always this explanation:

Weigh in if you have a theory you want to share or if you disagree with something that we’ve thrown out.

 

 

Why Game of Thrones should have had 2 more Episodes

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Last week’s episode “The Rains of Castamere” was amazing.  You know when you read a book and then watch the movie and are so disappointed  in the results?  Yeah this was the opposite.  HBO did an amazing job bringing the Red Wedding to life.  Don’t get me wrong even though I knew what was coming it was still painful to watch, but painful in that, “holy crap I can’t believe this is harder to watch than it was to read” kind of way.  I really felt for everyone that was surprised by the wedding results, but I also was glad they were finally filling the deep sadness I had felt when I had initially read that scene.  

Jump to this week and the season finale.  (Some spoilers from this point on if you haven’t watched yet). Continue reading