The Elf on the Shelf Queen

I sew, I bake, my children sing, but I am a horrible Elf on the Shelf mom. I forget about it, I make up horrible explanations and I’m really just not that great with the whole Santa thing either. I make up for it by having a friend that is insanely good at it.  Like, make you ashamed that all you did was run into the room right before your kids did and move him from one bookcase to the other.  This lady is a fierce, strong, DIVA.  She mostly scared me in college and now I mostly stand back in awe of her.  She is an hilarious heartfelt writer who really should have a blog of her own and her kids are the kind of awesome that you’re excited when she shares a story or posts a picture (lets be honest there are a few people you hide in your newsfeed because of all the baby photos– well this is not that person).  Her name is Lindsey Blackwell and here’s her story in her own words:

When Felix first came to our house I was “meh.” about the whole thing. For the first year he sat quietly on the shelf. Three year old Emma had about as much interest in that elf as she did in eating asparagus or cleaning the windows. It wasn’t on her radar. So that year, he moved quietly from one shelf to another. Usually he moved in a panic at around 5am accompanied by strong language from a frazzled mommy who realized the three year old was running down the stairs behind her. No one else I knew had an elf. No one I knew had Facebook, either. All was well at our house.

Fast forward to Christmas 2010. Kid A had turned 6 and Kid B was a delightful one year old. We were celebrating our first year in our new digs and I was celebrating a Christmas with a new outlook, one not marred by the wretched memories of the year before. We were happy and against my better judgment I found myself being downright chipper. I know. Disturbing. This was about the time that Felix began acting out. It started with a few candy wrappers and a mess left in the kitchen. And before we knew it, he was sitting in Emma’s jewelry box looking like Lady Gaga.

Every morning got increasingly exciting at our house as Kid A would run through shouting about Felix’s whereabouts and small child Blackwell was hot on her heels although I suspect he didn’t know why. You know how one year olds are, they’ll laugh just because everyone around them is laughing and if everyone were to run screaming into a burning building, they’ll follow just to be a part of it. They’re funny that way. Anyways, back to that elf. The year ended pleasantly enough and Felix went back to the cupboard, shoved hastily into a cramped position where he would remain for the next 11 months.

Now we’ve reached the Elf of Christmas Present. This year, I started to think about Felix in November. I started to have these ideas. So it began. Felix started slow, eating candy and leaving treats but he quick escalated out of my control. I saw what was happening. I saw my friend’s Facebook elf pictures and it annoyed me. I would scroll down, eyes rolling, thinking “Please don’t let me be that mommy” and “Oh great, there’s that cute mommy again with her cute elf making cute cupcakes.” The whole thing made me nauseous. But it was too late. That damned elf had me in his grip. I couldn’t stop. I could tell you that I do all this out of some desire to “give joy and happiness to the hearts of children”. But that’s only part of it. I do it because I like it. A lot. Too much. Once I began this descent into Elf mischief I knew what had to happen. I knew my primary goal for 25 days would be to constantly outdo myself. It’s quite exhausting, being in competition with your own self. But yet here we are.

So yeah and if that’s not enough she also sings like this.  I love her in spite because of all her awesomeness.  I will keep adding photos of her elf as she continues her insanity this year.  She has stated plans for a Hunger Games themed elf adventure and that Felix and Fiona evidently have a message to the dinosaurs that are causing all that mischief.  So stay tuned so see how crazy she is what her elves get into!

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