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I have a friend that is a priest in Knoxville and he dresses up at Halloween mashing up a Biblical character and a pop culture figure. He has out done himself this year. Ladies and gentleman I present, Lil’ Jon the Baptist:

Yaaaayuh!

Kneel down for WHAT?!

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I am in awe of his costume and if you start having a rough day– just think about this guy working at his church today– dressed like this.

This isn’t his first inspired costume. Last year he was Doubting Thomas the Tank Engine:

And the year before he was Father Abraham Lincoln:

Have suggestions for next year? Sound off in the comments.

samanddean

Well, where were we? Oh yeah– Dean is cured (mostly) and they are back to their old routine (mostly). Of course we know that sitting by the lake and drinking beers isn’t going to last long with the boys no matter what they’ve been through. So we assume they’ve been “relaxing” for at least a few days and are getting antsy. We do get to see the boys bonding again which we haven’t seen in much longer than I feel comfortable with. As expected though just a few minutes into their talk Dean brings up a possible case (which Sam obviously had already noticed as well). I get that Dean needs to work to feel normal again and I buy that Sam understands this too.

I’d like to take a moment to mention that if it’s been a while since you’ve seen “Bitten” (Season 8 Episode 4) I recommend going back and watching it (before this new episode if you can, or if you’ve already watched it go back and watch the old episode so you can see all the things you missed). That’s where Kate is from (the werewolf that they almost kill at the beginning of this episode). They let Kate go because it seemed like she could manage out in the world without hurting anyone. This whole premise of letting monsters go that are trying to be good is something that the boys have been struggling with for a while. They both seem to go back and forth on the subject (Dean killed Amy Pond even though Sam wanted her to live and Sam wanted to kill Benny even though Dean backed him up— speaking of Benny– will we ever see him again? Cause that’d be cool). Bitten was one of my favorite episodes in Season 8– which really isn’t saying a lot because Season 8 was weird, but this episode was good on any standard. It was interesting and different so I’m glad they revisited this character.

Quickly into their interrogation it becomes clear that Kate probably isn’t to blame or at least isn’t working alone (and Kate manages to break away which I blame either on their rusty hunting skills or their desire to trust her on some level). Kate runs away and Dean and Sam get to have a heart to heart in the Impala on the way to where they think she ran off to. This scene shows not only what we’ve been missing, but how so much has changed. Sam blows off Dean’s concern about Lester (remember creeper dude that Dean killed while he was a demon?) and seems truly puzzled that Dean is concerned about guilt over this scumbag’s death. No matter how bad Lester is Sam has always been the one that didn’t want to kill humans (well except when he was soulless Sam, but that was understandable). I think both boys are equally guilty as far as Lester is concerned and maybe they are both trying to blame the other as far as all that baggage so that way they don’t have to face any of their own inner demons (hehe).

It appears that they’ve caught up with Kate when surprise surprise it wasn’t Kate, but Kate’s sister who happens to also be a werewolf and a werewolf that tries to kill the boys. Kate saves her and fills in the boys and even Sam wants to take care of her. (Let me take a moment to also say how happy I am to see Dean with his gun again. He’s been favoring his stabby weapons lately and seeing him with his pearl handled gun is great). Kate really seems to have everything in her own life under control, but it’s obvious that her sister, Tasha, is enjoying being a werewolf to the fullest. It’s also obvious to everyone but Kate that she’s out of control. I can’t say I blame Kate for wanting to believe the best in her sister. She turned her to save her life and the boys have done some crazy things to save each other so I can understand Kate wanting to help her sister.

Dean feeds her a line about how he can cure them and that she needs to take Dean to her so that he can fix their problem. Now this is a load of crap, but Kate believes it and leads them to their rendezvous point. Kate falls asleep and we get to see the boys have another talk. Seriously this is the best their relationship has been since probably Season 3. Sam admits to doing things he’s not proud of and Dean makes a few smartass comments, but mostly lets Sam know he understands what he was going through and even THANKS him for saving his life. Damn it’s nice to have my boys back.

Dean very smoothly breaks the news to Kate that there isn’t a cure (or handcuffs her to the steering wheel) and then goes up to the house with Sam to take care of Tasha. Kate is still in denial about how bad Tasha is and Dean says something that really stuck out to me. He says, “No, Tasha is in too deep. You don’t come back from that. Not ever.” Well I’m going to go ahead and say that being a demon with the Mark of Cain on you is about as deep as you can get. I’m assuming this is foreshadowing some rocky times ahead, but I’m just going to dwell on the good stuff for the moment. Dean has consistently  called Sam, Sammy this season and along with it being another thing I love, I feel like he’s trying to hold onto his humanity through his brother.

Now insert twist. Tasha not only has gone way overboard, but has also turned a few friends in an effort to start her own pack.I’m surprised with the lack of fight that the boys put up. I mean really, Dean killed a whole coven of vampires alone and Sam just got off of a demon/monster killing spree. So their next actions are pretty awesome. Seemingly beaten Dean and Sam play the guys holding them into getting close enough to stab them quickly in the heart. So yeah that’s awesome.

While the boys are killing their own werewolves Kate is busy having a conversation with her sister and then subtly stabs her in the heart as well. I’m really happy that Kate took care of Tasha. I don’t think that she could have forgiven the guys if they had taken her out without Kate getting to try to get her under control herself. She runs off and later calls the boys to settle everything with them. I do want good things for Kate. She truly wants to do the right thing despite her issues.

Dean rounds off the episode by admitting that maybe he isn’t ready to hunt, but that he “just wants to do the right thing man, because I’m sick and tired of doing the wrong thing”. So yep, this episode has officially pushed this episode into awesome territory. Coming up we have the 200th episode (holy crap) and it looks to be one of the awesome funny/weird/out in left field episodes that everyone loves.

deantied up

Wow. This episode was packed full of all kinds of awesome.

We start out with Sam starting the curing process with Dean and of course everything isn’t going smoothly. Both boys are in pain. Sam emotionally and Dean physically. Dean may be a demon now, but he still remembers all the buttons to push. We only get to see a bit of the pain that Dean and Sam are going through before we switch back to the angel story. Have I mentioned I’m tired of this story line? Well we have Hanna mooning over Castiel and Cas finally picking up on it and we have Cas admitting that Sam doesn’t know the extent of what is going on with his Grace. Anytime some one wants to stab Hanna with an angel blade I’m cool with it. Just sayin’.

OK now back to Sam and Dean. Dean makes a very impassioned speech (one of many during this process) about how Sam is really the monster out of the two of them. Cue flashback. We get to see Sam pushing sleazy mustached dude from last week into making a crossroads deal with a demon just so that he can capture one in order to try to find out where Dean is. You’d think big long legged Sam could have gotten to Lester before he kissed the demon, but who knows. Maybe Sam thought there’d be more explanations from the demon before the deal was made. Ummm yeah maybe that was it. Although was Dean is saying is obviously affecting Sam it’s not really slowing him down with the sanctified blood injections.

Switch to The King of Hell meting judgments down on Abaddon’s followers. We see the demons trying to manipulate Crowley into doing what they think he needs to do. We even see a sad flashback/rundown of all of Dean and Crowley’s fun times. A new demon tries to team up with Crowley and thinks that he will get in because of his love for ” the classic rock and roll.”  Yeah it doesn’t work out so well for him.  We do find out that the demons are watching Castiel on his trip and keeping tabs on his health. Which becomes important in a bit.

Speaking of Castiel. Well– let’s not. Just know more tension and awkwardness.

Sam looks to be cracking under the pressure of watching Dean suffer, but Castiel helps remind him that if the blood kills him instead of curing him that’s all for the best. Dean does appear to be in pain, but that’s not slowing down his painful speeches. “I chose the King of Hell over you,”  and “I went as far away from you as I could. Away from the whining and complaining.” Or my personal favorite, “Maybe it’s the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life.” Was that a crack in his voice when he said that line? Seriously though I found this painful to watch. It was nice to see Sam stand strong while Dean did everything he could to tear him apart. Well mentally at least.

Crowley now sees one of his followers commit suicide (in an uncomfortable manner) in front of everyone just so he doesn’t have to follow Crowley. I think this is what pushes him to what happens next. What happens next you ask? Well now we see Castiel trying to let Hanna down easy. Unsuccessfully. And then– wait! Can it be? Is someone going to take my suggestion with the Angel Blade and Hanna? Crap. No. After an angel fight with the angel on the run Crowley shows up and kills the psycho before she can finish killing Hanna. Thankfully Crowley takes her Grace and forces Cas to accept it making him all better for a little while. Obviously he has plans for Cas– but maybe just to help Sam cure Dean so that Dean is no longer a threat to his empire (this all happens in a longer time frame, but like I said I’m tired of the Angel story line).

OK we knew we’d have to have a sappy scene with Sam exploring his feelings with Dean and they do it perfectly.  Sam runs into some old pictures of Dean happy and loving. I’m really glad they didn’t go into it too much with Sam second guessing himself. Instead it just serves as a reminder and that the boys do love each other and if this works it will be worth all the pain. A now resolute Sam goes back to finish the job and shockingly finds Dean gone.

We now get to see Dean on the prowl hunting Sam and Sam on the defensive. Sam grabs some fancy keys and goes to cut the power all to try to trap Dean in the electrical room to try to talk some sense into him.  The only hitch in that plan is that Dean doesn’t want to face the pain of being human again so instead tears the door down so that way he can go and kill Sam. After a brief struggle and a barely missed hammer to the head it looks like Sam’s only option is to kill Dean with the demon knife. Thankfully the newly energized Castiel comes to the rescue forcing Dean back into his bonds. After another injection of blood Dean is back. The only thing that surprises me is that they released him right after the holy water no longer had an effect on him. I might would have done another injection to make sure all the demon was all gone. That’s just me though.

Seeing Sam relaxing and happy is something that has been a long time coming. I don’t know that he’s been this comfortable since before the trials. We also get to see a touching scene between Castiel and Dean. Dean is trying to beat himself up about trying to kill Sam and Castiel isn’t having it. Yes it’s everything that we could want in a Cas/Dean scene.

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The very last scene of this episode shows a mystery lady with 2 dead bodies nailed to the ceiling above her. Yeah cause that’s normal. Speculation is that this person is someone from Crowley’s human past. Perhaps his witch mother? I’m sure we’ll find out soon.

This season so far (especially if you take out the Hanna story) is one of the best in a long time. I’m very excited to see what is to come. What did you think of Dean being cured?

deanmon

Just from the episode name we know that something big is going to happen this go round. Reichenbach Falls is where Sherlock Holmes famously fell to his death (OK well he magically survived as we found out later on) in order to defeat his arch nemesis Professor Moriarty. I know you all knew that, but just in case I thought it was worth mentioning. So as I said we know something big is going to happen.

Last episode we left off with Sam tied up to a chair with psycho friend about to kill him and Dean driving off into the sunset (or moonlight? Whatever.) Obviously Sam isn’t going to die here or that would have made for a very short season and a very abrupt end to the show. We pick up where they left off with Dean still being a jerk and Sam a little worse for the wear.

Psycho tells his sad story about his dad being murdered by Dean.  I’m wondering if they will ever explain why he killed him. Dean in 2003 wasn’t so quick to just kill someone so he would really have had to have a reason. Was he a monster and the son hasn’t turned into one (yet)? Or was he a witch? Or has Dean killed so many people that this one didn’t really stick out?

Two notes on this: 1. Seriously how did this kid not know about monsters if his dad was so involved that Dean killed him? 2. Is this archive footage? Cause Dean looks spot on, not creepy CGI that’s trying to make someone look younger.

Switch to Castiel not able to heal himself and Hannah creepily healing him. Have I mentioned I don’t like Hannah? Maybe I just don’t like demons in general, but I don’t trust her. I’m not on the Destiel bandwagon, but don’t like Castiel having a love interest. The closest relationship I bought like that was him and Meg and he was insane during most of that. Cas talks to Sam (who has escaped conveniently) and hops in a car (with Hannah) to go help try to save Dean. Insert sappy conversation and Hannah acting all weird.

They wreck (because Cas keeps forgetting he’s human and needs sleep) and Hannah continues to be creepy. Really the only thing that saved it this week for me with Cas’ story line was this:

Seriously he was adorable with that little girl. I need him to ditch Hannah and Heaven and all that junk.

Dean accepts a deal with Crowley to kill a woman for him to fulfill a crossroads deal and of course nothing goes as planned. Dean realizes that the husband is the worst of the two and decides to kill him instead which lead to a confrontation with Crowley.  Words were exchanged, Crowley was made to look like a fool in front of his minions which we know is not going to lead to anything good.

when someone is talking about things I don’t give a shit about

So I take Dean’s side in all of this, but this is the first death that we have witnessed of a human. Up to this point we’ve only seen him kill demons that Crowley has sent after him. Will this be important later?

Dean betraying Crowley was definitely important. Crowley goes straight to Sam and rats out Dean’s location. At this time Hannah also visits Heaven and a shady conversation with Metatron happens. Yeah I can’t bring myself to care about this story. I need Cas to at least be a healthy human and be back with the guys. Heaven can wait. Or not. Really just be done with.

Back to Demon Dean sitting at a piano. We see him playing around with the keys and I have seen a few suggestions that he’s playing “Hey, Jude” which is what his mom would sing to him as a lullaby if so that is beautiful, but it’s kind of a stretch with the amount of sound they provide for that scene. I’ll pretend that it’s 100% legit so I can feel some love for Dean since he’s been a dick most of this (read all of this) episode.

Pleasantries are exchanged between the boys and Sam reminds Dean that they know how to cure demons. Dean rudely turns him down and it looks to be gearing up for a fight. Sam makes his dramatic speech and Dean laughs at him. Yeah things are not going well.

Thankfully Psycho shows up to pick that fight with Dean and very stupidly thinks he can kill Dean. Epic fight ensues in which Dean humiliates Psycho boy (yes I know he has a name, but I still think he’s a sideline character). And then Dean does what Sam couldn’t: he convinces Psycho boy that monsters do exist.

So here’s the thing. Sam was Satan. He drained demons to make himself more powerful even though he knew that he was killing the hosts. Sam has always needed saving from himself and Dean has fought him to make it happen. Dean killing one slimy human doesn’t measure up to that in my book.

Don’t get me wrong. Dean is different as a demon. True he still would have slept with whoever he could have, gone to strip bars and killed demons every chance he got, but he would have done it with more charm. He’s quicker to give into all those urges that he would have fought. Still there are enough traces of humanity there that I don’t buy that he’s all demon.

I predict that Dean will go through withdrawals for the blade and until he comes to terms with that he won’t stop fighting Sam. Other notes: they are going to regret giving the blade to Crowley, Psycho boy is still going to cause trouble, but will probably get killed for his efforts, and Sam needs to step up his game.  He let psycho boy get the drop on him and he’s not willing to do what it will take to cure him right now. Get it together Sam.

And finally I’ll leave you with this horrible image.  I found it on Tumblr and have linked the source if you click the image. It was too beautiful not to share.

Those were simpler times when Dean had just been raised from the dead by the host of Heaven, not a bloodthirsty heartless demon. Ahhh.

Well here we are at the season 10 premier and as it is with many season premiers the boys are separated. However, unlike previous seasons they aren’t together by the end of the episode.

We start out the episode watching Sam going crazy looking for Dean (but not quite as crazy as he was when Dean was in hell or when Dean was killed for 6 months by the Trickster. Still he’s pushing boundaries and not letting much stop him from trying to find out where Dean is.

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The most concerning part of this opening sequence isn’t Sam slicing into demons or losing sleep trying to find a lead, but watching how sick Castiel is now. Yeah we knew that his grace situation was definitely lacking, but no one likes seeing Cas dying in a nasty flop house (btw why isn’t he staying with Sam? Have I forgotten something?). Sam has gone dark before, but Cas doesn’t get a cold much.

Switch to Crowley and Dean living life to the fullest. Just the exchange between Crowley and Dean says so much. They exchange the boys signature bickering phrase (Jerk/Bitch) and then are seen playing crappy pool hall games. You put this scene together with the conversation Crowley has with Sam later and I think we get to the root of all that is going on. Crowley states more than once about how much fun he’s having with Dean and vice versa. Did he get Dean to take the Mark just so that they could be bffs? It sure seems like it from where I’m sitting.  I also have a theory that he’s sending the other demons to attack Dean to make his change even more concrete. It never hurts that Dean is probably making a name for himself and a BAMF in all the demon circles.

Cas’s story this episode doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not just because he’s not on his A game it’s because he’s willing to kill another angel to get him to obey Heaven.  Since when has Cas been an angel that listens to Heaven.  Any time he is that kinda angel it usually ends very badly. I just feel like he’s still being manipulated and you’d think by now Castiel would be wise to such tactics.

Wait– I thought we were ignoring the whole Amelia story line.

The other thing that doesn’t sit well with me is how easily Sam gets fooled by creepy Army dude. I mean seriously– his car suspiciously breaks down on a dark abandoned road while he’s on his way to track down Dean (which he knows Crowley knows he’s coming) and doesn’t doubt the intentions of a guy that pulls up immediately behind him to help? Where’s his gun? Where’s his automobile know how?  The Impala might be Dean’s, but he’s been around it long enough to know how a car works. It just seemed too convenient a trap and something that Sam wouldn’t have been caught unawares about.

The episode wraps up with Sam zip tied to a chair about to die and crazy army dude frustrated that Dean doesn’t seem to care about it (btw– Sam had Dean’s number this whole time?). Dean just drives off alone promising CAD his eventual death and seems to genuinely not care if Sam lives or dies.

Well. Isn’t that nice.

Not only are the boys at odds they don’t seem to be kissing and making up anytime soon. Will Dean be cured? Will Crowley get his way and have Dean at his right hand in Hell? Will Sam be killed (ummm no) and will Cas die from lack of grace (no please?)?

Well even with my questions one thing is for sure: Season 10 is setting up to be pretty amazing and I’m definitely excited to see what is coming.

Flash

The world of TV is filled with spin off shows: The Originals, Angel, Teen Mom, Maude, The Legend of Korra, NCIS, NCIS:LA, NCIS:New Orleans. . . etc.  OK so NCIS kinda got out of control, but the others show that the love people have for some shows and the desire to see more expands into a whole new series.  Sometimes this is great (Angel) and sometimes you end up with L.L. Cool J. licking his lips while solving crimes and Chris O’Donnell trying to forget that he ever played Robin.

The CW had most recently had the spin off of The Originals which is an even more melodramatic version of The Vampire Diaries so although I had high hopes for The Flash because of what I’d seen on Arrow I was somewhat wary that they might take a more early Smallville teen soap opera-y vibe instead of a balls to the wall all the way superhero series.  I’m happy to say that I feel like they are going with the second option. Barry Allen has a real reason and motivation for being a good guy that is out there helping people.  The actor is cute enough to be a great leading character, but not so good looking that he’s distracting.  We’ve gotten to know him a bit on Arrow so there isn’t a lot of awkward getting to know you crap mixed in the pilot. There is some unrequited romance (plus the promise of the full story of him and Felicity Smoak) and a mystery to be solved in what happened to his mom as well as who Harrison Wells really is.

arrowflash

 

I’m not going to pretend that I know everything about The Flash comics so I know there are a ton of Easter Eggs in this episode that I didn’t get, but I do have a few subtle (or not so subtle) things that I appreciate.

  1. They took the time to really tie into Arrow by having him become a reoccurring character months before The Flash so when he tries to decide how to use his abilities it doesn’t feel strange that he would run to Oliver for advice. Crossovers between the shows look like they are going to be awesome.
  2. John Wesley Shipp is playing the dad.  For those 5 people that are unaware JWS played the Flash in a doomed (but good) 90’s series. Think Lois and Clark, but without the viewers (really it was a good show and shouldn’t have been cancelled).
  3. The surrogate dad Det. Joe West is played by Jesse L. Martin who was a cop on Law and Order for years which I feel like adds a level of legitimacy to his role.  Many people will tune in and recognize him as a cop. I know it’s not a big thing, but I like it.
  4. Lastly superhero costumes can be comical.  What someone draws on a cartoon character is often hard to translate into real life (as cosplayers all over the world know). So the firefighter uniform makes sense and the lightening bolt accents although they could be cheesy are played off as an overly excited tech maker’s signature on his device.  Plus it ties into how he got his powers.

I look forward to seeing where this new series is going to take us and unlike the rather slow start that Gotham is having for me  The Flash will be a show that I not only want to watch, it will also be a show I want to watch live (which isn’t something I do much).

What did you think?

endeavour

I have my DVR set to record all of Masterpiece Mystery and Masterpiece Classic just to check out the new BBC shows that I might not have heard of. So since it’s summertime and there’s not too much new TV on right now I started working my way through my PBS backlog on my DVR. That’s when I ran into Endeavour.
The second season just recently aired and I watched the first episode with interest. I like Inspector Morse and although he’s not my favorite British Detective I was interested to see what a prequel deliver. I have been very pleasantly surprised.

morse

The show is set in the 60’s and follows young detective Endeavour Morse as he works his way up the ladder. He has the intelligence of Sherlock Holmes and the heart of John Watson. His intelligence allows him to be an amazing detective, but you also watch him struggle trying to create a normal life for himself.

What he’s got going for him: Intelligent, attractive (but not so attractive that it distracts– it’s a realistic attractiveness), caring, doesn’t have a super established love interest which leaves that storyline open for future development,  and he’s witty.  Like someone who says things that you’re thinking, but know better than to say out loud witty. He also has this hair that gets messed up when he’s very upset or engrossed in a case.  And it’s adorable.  I applaud the BBC.  He’s really perfect main character material. He’s normal enough to relate too, but extraordinary enough to keep you watching.

 

Now no show is just about the main character.  This show is no exception.  There a lot of Easter eggs and future main character appearances to satisfy the people that are old school Morse fans, but they don’t allow these appearances to distract from the current story.  I could talk about many of these people, but the only other person I’m going to talk about is DI Fred Thursday.  

thursday

Thursday takes Morse under his wing and stands up for him when others mock him for his theories and methods.  Thursday also has an interesting back story and reflects what they are doing with the Morse storyline.  Thursday, we are reminded frequently, joined the force after the war and still is affected by the things he witnessed during the war. Most shows follow people directly post WWII or  during a war, but this show shows a time period that I haven’t seen much of.  The time between wars when the world was changing, but not many people had realized it yet.  Thursday connects the two worlds and grounds the other characters.  

What he’s got going for him: He’s got the gruff, yet fatherly character down pat.  He has a somewhat mysterious past that speaks of more knowledge and experience than you would think and fully supports Morse in all his endeavors ( you see what I did there?). Once again way to go BBC.  He’s a great supporting character and brings the show to life.

So instead of sitting in a corner staring at photos of Benedict Cumberbatch watch some Endeavour.  There is a special free on Amazon Prime along with season one also free on Amazon Prime. Season 2 is available for purchase on Amazon and I’m assuming it’ll be out soon on Prime since it’s already aired on PBS in America.  With each episode lasting over an hour and a half it’ll occupy you for a while until the new season of Sherlock comes out.  Or who am I kidding– it will give you something to binge watch this weekend.  

After all you know it’s gotta be good.  After all it has that extra U in the Endeavour so it must be amazing.. 

Tyrionfathers

Finales are almost always full of surprises and shocking twists and reveals. This episode was no different and of course they left out/made changes so that all of us readers would be angry surprised.

We see Jon walking out to treat with Mance Rayder.  He does it bravely and walks right up to certain death.  Well at least in the books it was certain death, here it looks like they have a tea party (pinkies out Jon Snow!). Mance asks for passage through the Wall for his people to ensure their safety against what is rising (aka the Whitewalkers). During their meeting Mance gives Jon food and drink therefore he’s been offered guest right and it would be a huge deal if he was killed or killed Mance. There have been people who have ignored that sacred agreement in the past and it has resulted in horrific results (The Red Wedding and Craster’s Keep).

During this exchange suddenly Stannis shows up and I have to say this was beautifully shot.  The army sweeping in was impressive. Mance realizes he is surrounded and tells his people to stand down (although how they are supposed to have heard him all over camp I’m unsure). Things that are important here are the facts that Mance refuses to kneel when surrendering and that Jon, although acknowledges that Stannis is the Kings, doesn’t take any crap from him.  Jon is a man of the Night’s Watch and the Night’s Watch is an entity unto it’s own.  They are not suppose to involve themselves in issues not concerning the Wall.

What the Watchlings don’t know

I touched on it last week, but once again, Jon was forced to go out and meet with Mance by people at the Wall that wished him dead.  He was expected to be killed by the Wildlings because of his betrayal of them.  This probably would have occurred as well if Stannis hadn’t shown up like he did. Mance does just want his people to cross.  He has seen just a bit of the horrors that are coming and wants to bring his people to safety past the Wall.  Jon will later come up with a very interesting solution to this problem.

stannis

Now back to The Mountain and Cersei.  I told you last week to not give up on the Viper yet.  The weapon that Oberyn used while fighting Gregor was poisoned with Manticore  venom which is deadly with no known cure. So not only is The Mountain dying– he’s dying an horrific death. Pycelle recommends the milk of the poppy to ease him into an easy death, but Qyburn says that he may know a way to help him.  Against Pycelle’s objections Cersei gives Qyburn permission to work on Gregor.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Qyburn isn’t a Maester.  He was kicked out of the Citadel for experiments he did on the dead and dying and doesn’t have a Maester’s chain.  Cersei however begins using him as her Maester and allows him to experiment on Gregor and other prisoners in the black cells.  Also the Mountain is in great pain from the Manticore venom and in the books his screams can be heard all over the castle.  He was finally moved down to the black cells to muffle the sound. The venom was eating slowly through his skin and nothing they did helped.  Qyburn later brings up a huge skull and claims the Mountain to be dead.  That skull was sent to Dorne as proof of his death, but later Qyburn will trot out a huge man that doesn’t speak, eat, drink or pee named Ser Robert Strong.  Ser Robert also never removes his armor and his face is never seen. If he even has a face.

Everything went Cersei’s way with Pycelle and Qyburn so I guess she figured it was a good time to confront her dad.  Cut to Cersei and Tywin arguing over if she is getting married or not. My thing is that he was trying to marry her to a gay man (here– not so much in the books) so that’s probably her best option.  Loras probably wouldn’t have had an issue with her and Jaime doing it all the time.  One less thing for him to do.

However it was glorious to watch her tell Tywin about her and Jaime. Cersei almost looks like a good mother with her speech about how much she loves Tommen and what she will do to save him from Tywin. She pushes her’s and Jaime’s relationship into his face and then scampers off to have sex with Jaime again. Of course Jaime doesn’t see this for what it is.  Cersei verifying that Jaime is on her side again.  She offers up herself to seal the deal.  She hopes that someone walks in (namely their father) and catches them in the act.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Cersei is the most manipulative person ever.  Oh wait. . .you got that one.  OK then, Jaime is about to be fed up with Cersei and things are about to become interesting for her.  Let’s just say next season laying on a table having sex with Jaime will not be the position that she’s in.

Now we move on to Dany trying to rule Meereen. I’ve said it before and I”ll say it again I hate her story line from now until the end of the 5th book. She’s torn between freeing the slaves and allowing the slaves that want to go back to their masters go back. As it has always been with slavery there are a very few people that are treated well while being captives. They are one of the family and want to go back to that position.  Now that being said the Masters will try to take advantage of this and this is just the start of the bad news for Dany.  Next we see a man crying and delivering his 3 year old little girl’s bones claiming that Drogon flew from the sky and killed her.  Ummmm yeah Dany. . .I got some news for you: you have dragons. . .they are kind of dangerous. I thought you knew that about them.

Her amazing answer to this to lock up the two dragons that she still has some control over.  Cause yeah if you have a vicious animal it helps them if you lock them up on a short chain away from any contact with humans. Also the dragons were the only thing the people of Meereen were afraid of so now the Masters will have even more power to manipulate her. Good job Dany.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Dany is so concerned with the safety of her people that she forgets how to be strong. She forgets that she is a dragon. I’m also going to step into theory land here for a bit. I think the way that dragons are controlled are the same way that the direwolves are controlled. As in they each need a warg to communicate with. Dany doesn’t realize this and doesn’t know how to make this connection with her dragons. I’ve stated it in other places too, but if you don’t want a big spoiler– skip the next sentence: Dany will finally figure out how to warg/communicate with Drogon, Jon Snow will make a connection with Viserion and then the other true Targaryen will get Rhaegal (Tyrion, Aegon, someone yet unknown?).

dragons

Next we get to see the Night’s watch burn their dead.  OK a touching scene for the most part, but they would have stripped the dead. Yes is normal times maybe a dead man would have been buried in his armor or boiled leather, but during war?  Even an officer would be stripped down to his bare skin as to not waste good clothing or armor. OK end rant.

Otherwise this is a touching scene showing the price of war.  Also an important thing is that The Red Woman and Jon look at each other through the fire. The continuation of this scene is just as interesting.  Tormund and Jon talk about how the dead Wildlings should be handled and Tormund tells Jon that Ygritte really loved him.  That he knew because she wanted to kill him. They then have a cryptic exchange about how she belongs to the true North.  Which Jon takes to mean that she needs to be burned next to a heart tree so that she is given back to the old gods.  You can tell that Jon is shaken.

What the Watchlings don’t know

The Red Woman is going to become very interested in Jon Snow in the next bit. In some ways this is good and in some ways this is bad.  Also remember that she’s still dying to burn a king alive to wake the stone dragon and they have Mance Rayder (aka The King Beyond the Wall) in custody now. If you wonder why she’s interested in Jon just Google R+L=J. I haven’t written my theories on all this yet, but there is plenty on the Internet to occupy you for the next few hours/days about that.

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Jojen, Meera, Hodor, Summer and Bran are trudging along to get to the Three Eyed Crow (or Raven as they call it) and when all seems lost they finally see the Weirwood tree they have been searching for. Seems to easy right? Right. Suddenly “Pirates of the Caribbean”  style a bunch of skeletons pop out of the ice and start attacking them. Bran of course takes over Hodor and begins getting things done. Jojen is yelling for Bran to save himself and then gets stabbed in the stomach numerous times. The Children of the Forest appear and save Bran with fire and Meera slits Jojen’s throat as a mercy killing.  Safe in the tree protected by its magic Bran finds the Three Eyed Crow only to find out that he will still never walk again. (Duh). So he’s reached his goal, he found out that the TEC is some old man with a weirwood growing into him, and Jojen is dead. Yay!  Happy ending!  Hmmm not so much.

What the Watchlings don’t know

So they should have had this guide from from moment they passed over the Wall. The guide’s name is Coldhands and he appears to be a wight, but can talk and seems to be working to help them. He saves them from the attack that is shown in this episode by calling the ravens that he controls to attack the wights. Also he’s probably a dead Stark. And he’s cool.

So in the books Jojen isn’t dead yet.  Now there’s a theory that he is dead, but Bran doesn’t know it yet, but he definitely isn’t dead at this moment in the story.  With George RR Martin supervising I guess that it’ll all work out, but I don’t really see the upside to killing Jojen off early.  Unless maybe his Phineas and Ferb schedule was too demanding.

Ahhh Brienne and Pod.  Our comic relief! Yay for happy times. Right? Oh yeah– we’re watching Game of Thrones.  But wait!  Now she sees Arya.  She’s found a Stark girl!  She’s going to fulfill her vows. All is right. Brienne tells Arya about her sword and Arya tells her about her sword.  They talk about how fighting is fun and they are independent women and such.  Then The Hound shows up and ruins it all. Brienne tells Arya of her vow and The Hound jumps to the wrong conclusion of why they are there. (Best line of the night: Brienne: I’ll take you to safety. The Hound: Safety? Where the f*&k is that?!) Insert fabulous fight scene where Brienne pulls a Mike Tyson and beats The Hound (go Brienne!– kinda– cause I like The Hound too).

Arya takes this time to run off and hide– what she does best and when Brienne and Pod run off to find her she returns to The Hound to check on him.  Quickly she realizes he’s going to die and he begs her to be merciful and end it. Then when she doesn’t he begins saying horrible things to her, yet she still doesn’t. Instead she grabs his money and runs away with it. This exchange between the two of them is more heartbreaking than when Jon watched Ygritte die.  I truly think that The Hound loved Sansa romantically and loved Arya like a sister/daughter. Yes he sucked at showing love, but I feel like they changed him. Sadly Arya still doesn’t care and left him there to rot.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Brienne and Pod never found Arya– she hears rumors that Arya is alive, but never actually finds her. Instead she finds a lovely character named Lady Stoneheart that I really really hope shows up next season. You may have seen the Internet explode with disappointment that she didn’t show up in the finale, but if you missed that let’s just say that I bet you didn’t see her coming.

The Hound/Arya scene does happen though.  However it’s not because of a battle with Brienne, but rather a wound from a fight that festers and she leaves him to die under a tree. It’s uncertain as to whether he actually died or not.

Dude, he kinda has a point

Finally!  Here’s the big moment. Jaime saves Tyrion from execution and they share a loving embrace at the foot of the exit. Thennnnnnnnnn Tyrion gets this calculating look on his face and heads off to visit his daddy. Of course Shea is laying naked in Tywin’s bed and is mostly shocked to see Tyrion in the room. Don’t worry he manages to strangle her with the gold chain she’s wearing. Enter the crossbow from the wall and a trip to the privy.

Tywin is obviously very surprised to be visited by the son that he thinks is locked up waiting for execution. Tywin tries to take control of the situation with forcefulness and flattery. Yeah that doesn’t work so well for him. He calls Tyrion’s bluff and gets a crossbow bolt for his troubles. That doesn’t slow down his mockery of Tyrion so he follows up with another bolt. Varys sees the situation and hurries Tyrion off to the boat. Once he hears the bells he decides to join Tyrion on the boat.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Jaime does save Tyrion and sets him free.  However before parting ways Jaime admits to lying to Tyrion about his wife Tysha.  She wasn’t a whore after all. I explain it more in depth here . This spurs him to go confront Tywin about it, he finds Shea, kills her, then kills Tywin. His shot to Tywin is through the intestines which immediately causes him to poop everywhere.  Tywin tells Tyrion before his death that Tysha went “wherever whores go” which haunts him throughout book 5.

The only other thing is that Varys doesn’t leave yet– he has a few more people to kill before he abandons King’s Landing.  However those people haven’t had huge roles in the show so maybe that’s why they chose this time to let him escape.

Arya has made it to the narrow sea and tries to buy passage on a boat to the Wall to get to Jon, but the ship isn’t going north. When she hears that the ship is going to Braavos she gives the captain the coin she got from Jaqen H’ghar and not only receives passage, but gets a cabin.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Big things are going to happen for Arya next season.  Braavos starts a big new chapter in her life that will change everything for her.

Now just to wait a year for the next season. . .

We are quickly approaching the season finale so we know we’re going to see a good bit of action between this episode and the next. This episode starts out with Jon and Sam talking on the top of the Wall about love and loss and death.  Sam gets Jon to talk about Ygritte and Sam admits to his desire to have sex with Gilly and pretty much says the only thing stopping him is the fact she didn’t offer.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Sam probably wanted to have sex with Gilly the whole time he was helping her, but he never would have admitted that.  In fact in the books she comes on to him pretty strong (after this time) and he turns her down repeatedly because of his vows.  Sam says that he’s a coward, but he is one of the strongest willed people on the Wall.  He sees things in right and wrong even if his idea of what is right isn’t exactly what others would agree with.  Also Jon probably wouldn’t have talked so freely about Ygritte.  He does love her and dreams of being able to truly be with her, but is ashamed of his actions with her even though The Halfhand ordered him to do whatever it took to blend in.

Moving on to Ygritte we get to hear Tormund Giantsbane tell part of his story about sleeping with a bear. Tormund is one of my favorite characters in the books and I’m sad we didn’t get to hear the whole story.  Ygritte however interrupts him and fights with the cannibal Wildlings. More specifically the leader of the Thenns.

What the Watchlings don’t know

The Thenns in the books weren’t cannibals and although they were scary dudes they weren’t creepy like these guys.  I’m guessing that the Thenns are being used to combine all the bad things about the Wildlings and to take the place of a character named Rattleshirt.  I’m not horribly upset with this change though.  I can see the sense in consolidating.

Here is that story from Tormund since it was cut short on the show:

I was in me Ruddy Hall, with only a cask o’ mead to keep me company and nothing to do but drink it. The more I drank, the more I got thinking about this woman lived close by, a fine strong woman with the biggest pair of teats you ever saw. She had a temper on her that one, but oh, she could we warm too, and in the deep of winter a man needs his warmth.

“The more I drank, the more I thought about her, and the more I thought the harder me member got, till I couldn’t suffer it no more. Fool that I was I bundled meself up in furs from head to heels, wrapped a winding wool around me face, and set off to find her. The snow was coming down so hard I got turned around once or twice, and the wind blew right through me and froze me bones, but finally I come on her, all bundled up like I was.

“The woman had a terrible temper, and she put up quite the fight when I laid hands on her. It was all I could do to carry her home and get her out o’ them furs, but when I did, oh, she was hotter than even I remembered, and we had a fine old time, and then I went to sleep. Next morning when I woke the snow had stopped and the sun was shining, but I was in no fit state to enjoy it. All ripped and torn I was, and had me member bit right off, and there on me floor was a she-bear’s pelt. And soon enough the free folk were telling tales of this bald bear seen in the woods, with the queerest pair o’ cubs behind her. Har!” He slapped his meaty thigh. “Would that I could find her again. She was fine to lay with, that bear. Never was a woman give me such a fight, nor such strong sons neither.”

There is the theory that the “bear” he slept with was a Mormont woman, perhaps Lord Mormont’s sister. I don’t know that I buy that, but that would make for an interesting twist!

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Swap back to Sam still talking about sex. Seriously Sam I don’ t think you’re supposed to tell everyone about how you want to break your vows? OK we get it you think Gilly in all her incestuous glory is hot. But wait! I bet all of you Watchlings had forgotten about Maester Aemon told Jon Snow that before he became a Maester he was Aemon Targaryen. Don’t worry they are reinforcing that again for you.

And then all of a sudden Gilly shows up with the baby and Sam suddenly gets his courage. . .right before the Wildlings show up.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Once again Sam felt strongly about Gilly, but he didn’t flagrantly flaunt any desires to break his vows or “go with her wherever she goes.” I’m guessing they are setting up this storyline to help you out a little later with some stuff that happens. . .and stuff.  But unless they speed that part of the plot along it’ll be a while before anything develops on that front.

So Maester Aemon once again brings up his heritage, probably just to remind everyone that had forgotten it since it was first told a few seasons ago.  This is important though because The Red Woman is on the hunt for King’s blood to do spells with and Aemon comes from kings.  Also it’s important because eventually even Maester Aemon will hear about Dany and her dragons.

Enter the beginning of the Wildling battle. Now I’m not one for epic battle scenes, but the show does this really well.  It was very much reminiscent of The Battle of Helms Deep.  All we needed was an elf and a dwarf competing over the number of kills and it could have been straight from The Lord of the Rings. I’m not going to break down every bit of this battle so I’ll just hit the highlights as they come about.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Janos Slynt is being used to manipulate the Wall from King’s Landing– not very well, but that’s one of the reasons he is such an ass to Jon Snow. Janos is really a horrible human being even more so than the show makes him seem. This episode showed Ser Alliser pretty much tell Jon that the was right, but he didn’t care that he was right. Yeah him and Janos get along well.  That’s all.

Also Sam is getting braver, but not quite so brave as it looks here.  I do love that they have Sam encouraging all the brothers.  He’s the last person you’d think would lend courage to others. Finally the giants should be important later on. Know that most people thought giants extinct too so just the sight of giants attacking was disconcerting for the Black Brothers.

 

Continued death and destruction from the Wildlings– all the blood and guts you could desire. Scary giants, scary mammoths, scary Wildlings. Many people die and it’s hard to keep track of all the deaths, but 0f course there is just one death that they want to you be sure to have emotional damage about. Ygritte.

“Jon Snow, is this a proper castle now? Not just a tower?”“It is.” Jon took her hand.“Good,” she whispered. “I wanted t’ see one proper castle, before … before I …”“You’ll see hundred castles. The battle’s done. Maester Aemon will see to you. You’re kissed by fire, remember? Lucky. It will take more than an arrow to kill you. Aemon will draw it out and patch you up, and we’ll get milk of the poppy for the pain.”She just smiled at that. “D’you remember that cave? We should have stayed in that cave. I told you so.”“We’ll go back to the cave,” he said.” You’re not going to die, Ygritte. You’re not.”“Oh.” Ygritte cupped his cheek with her hand. “You know nothing, Jon Snow,” she sighed, dying.”

“Jon Snow, is this a proper castle now? Not just a tower?”“It is.” Jon took her hand.“Good,” she whispered. “I wanted t’ see one proper castle, before … before I …”“You’ll see hundred castles. The battle’s done. Maester Aemon will see to you. You’re kissed by fire, remember? Lucky. It will take more than an arrow to kill you. Aemon will draw it out and patch you up, and we’ll get milk of the poppy for the pain.”She just smiled at that. “D’you remember that cave? We should have stayed in that cave. I told you so.”“We’ll go back to the cave,” he said.” You’re not going to die, Ygritte. You’re not.”“Oh.” Ygritte cupped his cheek with her hand. “You know nothing, Jon Snow,” she sighed, dying.”

What the Watchlings don’t know

Jon didn’t see Ygritte die exactly like this.  He found her after the battle with an arrow through her and then worried/dreamed that he had been the one that had killed her during the battle and didn’t realize it. She did die in his arms, but it wasn’t quite so poignant as this scene.  This is one time I will say that I prefer how it was changed to how it was written.  There was closure here.  Jon saw her, felt relief at her presence even if she did look like she was about to kill him, and then got to say goodbye after she was shot. It was nice to have a good end to this love story. And by good I mean heartbreaking end, but I think everyone knew how that would end.

Sam and Jon are walking around and leading the clean up from the battle.  Then Jon announces his intentions to go and treat with Mance Rayder and try to put an end to this without more loss of life. I want to know where Ghost is? He was let out so why is he not at Jon’s side.  I would think Jon would want him by his side during this interaction with Mance.

Last comment from the episode is that the variations on the theme song were amazing.  It was dark and pulled at one’s emotions just by hearing that familiar, yet different, line of music.  Beautiful.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Ser Alliser and Janos Slynt were not present during this battle, but showed up after it was done to talk about what should have happened.  They then forced Jon Snow to go out and meet with Mance Rayder fulling assuming that Mance would kill Jon for his betrayal.  That’s the way it appears to be going until. . . something happens that I’m assuming we’ll see next week.

I love that Jon is a strong character and seems to be in control, but also miss that level of desperation that Jon felt being sent to his most certain death.

Next week will be so very very eventful.  We have a wedding to plan, a wife to kill and Guilder to frame for it.  Or maybe a peace to negotiate, a dwarf to kill and a whore to blame for it.

Boob count: 0 (! Really HBO? I’m surprised you didn’t throw in a female giant’s boob)

Major Character Death: 1 (Ygritte)

oberyn

We start this episode out in Mole’s Town which I can’t help but think this is a place that must be hard to keep track of for all those Watchlings out there.  So just in case– it’s the town right outside of the wall that mostly consists of a whorehouse there to service the Sworn Brothers– you know the ones that swore to not have sex.  Yeah those guys.

Well the Wildlings bust in and murder a ton of people, but Ygritte spares Gilly and the babe.  Then we see Sam and the posse discussing if Gilly could have survived and what they should do about the Wildlings in general.  They mostly all decide they are screwed.

 

What the Watchlings don’t know:

This is just a big set up for next week and to show that Ygritte is a good person. No– you’ll get the pay off for these scenes at the Wall soon enough.

Switch to Grey Worm checking out Missandei and looking like he’s sexually frustrated.  Then Dany and her discussing how much was cut off when they became eunuchs. Grey Worm later apologizes while at the same time kind of declaring his love for her. He somehow also took a huge step forward in his mastery of The Common Tongue.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

So Dany actually got a lot of details about the castration process when she bought the Unsullied. They have everything (Penis and Testicles) chopped off very early on so that they will never have any sexual desire to distract them from their duties. So I don’t really buy that Grey Worm is sexually attracted to anyone, but I would buy that he is lonely and wants love.  For those of you that don’t know, the boys that become Unsullied are taken at around the age of 5, trained, then cut, and on the day they are cut they are given a puppy.  After 1 year they are made to kill the puppy– those that don’t are killed and fed to dogs.  Then when they earn their title of Unsullied they have done so by going out into the marketplace, ripping a child from it’s mother’s breast and killing it in front of her.  He then gives the owner of the woman a coin to pay for the baby.  Yeah, so it’s pretty hardcore and I could see how someone like this could use some love.

Lets move on to Theon (Reek) and The Bastard. The Bastard is continuing his campaign of torment over Theon and uses him to manipulate the Ironmen left at Moat Cailin. Theon gets them to surrender and then The Bastard flayed them all. The Bastard of Bolton really is one of the most despicable characters in this series.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

You mostly know it all. The only thing you’re missing is that extent that The Bastard has gone through to brainwash Theon.  He thinks everything might be a trap created by the Bastard in order to inflict more pain on him.  Other than that– this scene is all that it seems.

OK now here we go.  The episode before this ended with Littlefinger throwing Lysa out the Moondoor. I stated before that in the books there was conveniently a singer hanging about that took the fall for Lysa’s murder, but since he wasn’t there I wondered how they would explain away this issue. Littlefinger appears cornered. He’s being grilled by the Lords of the Vale and looks to be losing this game.  Then they announce they want to interview “Alayne.” In comes Sansa looking very fragile and saying she must tell the truth.

Well evidently little Sansa has learned to play the game.  She tells everyone who she is really and that Littlefinger had saved her life.  She also gives an explanation for Lysa’s suicide.  At the end of this fantastic tale she exchanges a sly smile with Littlefinger.

Wow is all I gotta say about this.  I wonder how they will proceed with this storyline since this episode took a little bit of a turn from the books.

Littlefinger lays the groundwork to travel with Robyn– perhaps see that he gets killed somewhere– or just to see if he can actually grow up.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Sansa is still not known as herself, but is under the disguise of Alayne Stone– the bastard daughter of Littlefinger– in the books.  Also Sansa is not this cunning in the books either.  She’s still an idiot and doesn’t realize that she’s being manipulated at every turn.  Just throw her some lemon cakes and she’s good to go.  No words can describe my disdain for this character.

 

Meanwhile back in Mereen we see Barristan Selmy receive a mysterious message that turns out to be a pardon from Robert that somehow got lost in the mail (really– USPS is getting slower and slower these days. They should have sent it UPS). Seriously though it’s obviously a set up and conveniently just showed up. Dany sees this as a horrible betrayal and banishes him.  This is plainly the only choice she had so she didn’t appear weak.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Selmy was on the Small Council so he knew that Jorah was spying on her this whole time.  He’s also the one that spills the beans to Dany to turn her against Jorah.  To be fair he didn’t trust Jorah and was trying to look out for her.

Now we get to see two weirdos be super creepy together.  AKA Roose Bolton legitimizes his bastard son and places him over any future children he might have. He probably knows that Ramsey will most likely murder any future children anyway, because that’s how he does things.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Both these dude are waaaaaay messed up.  Hmmmm. . .you may have already figured that out.  Well how about Roose like to be leeched daily. Yeah cause that’s not weird.

mockingjay

Sansa now reveals why she lied to protect Littlefinger.  At least the show made this make sense. She protected him because she knows that if he’s gone she might be in a worse situation than she was in King’s Landing. OK I buy that. I’m going to skip ahead and cover the scene with Littlefinger and Robert  Robyn. Littlefinger is obviously plotting something.  He’s now setting up the boy to go on a journey with him and Sansa and we’ll have to see where this is going to take us.  I’d watch out if I was Robyn though.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

She looks so strong and smart now. Believe me in the books she’s still an idiot.  Always an idiot. Oh, and an idiot that never thinks about Arya and what possibly has happened to her.  Every now and then she feels mildly sad that the rest of her family is dead, but mostly just sad if she runs short of lemon cakes. Robyn (aka Robert) develops an unhealthy attachment to Sansa and feels the need to sleep with her every night.  GRRM also goes into great detail about how he pushes up against her boobs to go to sleep and then pees the bed. Yeah this storyline is mostly messed up.

Now Arya and The Hound have reached the Vale and have a super hilarious scene where Arya laughs joyfully when she finds out that her Aunt Lysa is dead. Really it’s just their luck that they would make this huge journey just to hit a dead end.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Arya and The Hound never made it to The Vale in the books.  In fact they should be parting ways soon and I’m interested to see if the show decides to break up this dream team.  They have to eventually right?  Maybe this is season finale material? Arya’s storyline just gets better and better though.

Of course they’ve saved for the last the story we’ve been dying to watch.  Jaime and Tyrion have a heartfelt chat about how Tyrion is going to die and how they don’t have much hope of victory. They also share a touching story about a mentally handicapped relative of theirs that liked to smash beetles and how Tyrion tried to figure out why this child wanted to smash the beetles. This lovely story ended with the cousin getting killed by a mule.  The moral of the story being that life and death have no point.

And in that moment, I swear we were all Ellaria Sand.

Seriously she’s an amazing actress in these scenes.

Cut to Tyrion being led out to his trial.  Tyrion questions Oberyn’s lack of armor and a helmet (hehe) and Oberyn brushes his concerns off.  Which I have to admit when you watch his fighting styles it’s obvious that he does much better unencumbered. Here’s where it gets good. Oberyn takes the field all cocky and promises not to die and leave his paramour alone.

Oberyn does an amazing impression of Inigo Montoya by repeating, “You raped her, you murdered her, you killed her children.” over and over while attacking The Mountain. This chant seems to do what it was intended  as he repeatedly stabs his adversary and appears to have dealt the winning blows.

But wait, this is A Game of Thrones— just as it appears he’s won The Mountain grabs him, admits his murder and rape and then smashes his head like watermelon.  Yep.  That’s the end of the Viper.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Nothing really from the brotherly aspect. Jaime and Tyrion really do love each other and Jaime is realizing Tyrion is the better of his siblings. Tyrion doesn’t have much hope for a positive outcome, yet his hopes are raised throughout the battle. . .until they aren’t.

Never fear though!  The Viper is not done with The Mountain.  How you ask?  You saw his head popped like a really disgusting pimple right? Well, yes, but he may have performed some treachery before his death.  I won’t spoil that for you though.  I’m sure we’ll find out in about 2 weeks.

 

Up next week it appears to be the battle for the Wall– believe me all will not go as planned.

Major Character Deaths: One– Oberyn Martell

Boob Count: 8 pairs I think? There were a lot of background boobs.

 

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